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In the Gospels of the only Divine Friend this world has ever had or
ever will have, we read of a Voice, a 'Voice in the Wilderness.'
There have been thousands of such Voices;—most of them ineffectual.
All through the world's history their echoes form a part of the
universal record, and from the very beginning of time they have
sounded forth their warnings or entreaties in vain. The Wilderness
has never cared to hear them. The Wilderness does not care to hear
them now.
Why, then, do I add an undesired note to the chorus of rejected
appeal? How dare I lift up my voice in the Wilderness, when other
voices, far stronger and sweeter, are drowned in the laughter of
fools and the mockery of the profane? Truly, I do not know. But I am
sure that I am not moved by egotism or arrogance. It is simply out of
love and pity for suffering human kind that I venture to become
another Voice discarded—a voice which, if heard at all, may only
serve to awaken the cheap scorn and derision of the clowns of the
piece.
Yet, should this be so, I would not have it otherwise, I have never
at any time striven to be one with the world, or to suit my speech
pliantly to the conventional humour of the moment. I am often
attacked, yet am not hurt; I am equally often praised, and am not
elated. I have no time to attend to the expression of opinions,
which, whether good or bad, are to me indifferent. And whatever pain
I have felt or feel, in experiencing human malice, has been, and is,
in the fact that human malice should exist at all,—not for its
attempted wrong towards myself. For I, personally speaking, have not
a moment to waste among the mere shadows of life which are not Life
itself. I follow the glory,—not the gloom.
So whether you, who wander in darkness of your own making, care to
come towards the little light which leads me onward, or whether you
prefer to turn away from me altogether into your self-created darker
depths, is not my concern. I cannot force you to bear me company. God
Himself cannot do that, for it is His Will and Law that each human
soul shall shape its own eternal future. No one mortal can make the
happiness or salvation of another. I, like yourselves, am in the
'Wilderness,'—but I know that there are ways of making it blossom
like the rose! Yet,—were all my heart and all my love outpoured upon
you, I could not teach you the Divine transfiguring charm,—unless
you, equally with all your hearts and all your love, resolutely and
irrevocably WILLED to learn.
Nevertheless, despite your possible indifference,—your often sheer
inertia—I cannot pass you by, having peace and comfort for myself
without at least offering to share that peace and comfort with you.
Many of you are very sad,—and I would rather you were happy. Your
ways of living are trivial and unsatisfactory—your so-called
'pleasant' vices lead you into unforeseen painful perplexities—your
ideals of what may be best for your own enjoyment and advancement
fall far short of your dreams,—your amusements pall on your over-
wearied senses,—your youth hurries away like a puff of thistledown
on the wind,—and you spend all your time feverishly in trying to
live without understanding Life. Life, the first of all things, the
essence of all things,—Life which is yours to hold and to keep, and
to RE-CREATE over and over again in your own persons,—this precious
jewel you throw away, and when it falls out of your possession by
your own act, you think such an end was necessary and inevitable.
Poor unhappy mortals! So self-sufficient, so proud, so ignorant! Like
some foolish rustic, who, finding a diamond, sees no difference
between it and a bit of glass, you, with the whole Universe sweeping
around you in mighty beneficent circles of defensive, protective and
ever re-creative power,—power which is yours to use and to control-
-imagine that the entire Cosmos is the design of mere blind
unintelligent Chance, and that the Divine Life which thrills within
you serves no purpose save to lead you to Death! Most wonderful and
most pitiful it is that such folly, such blasphemy should still
prevail,—and that humanity should still ascribe to the Almighty
Creator less wisdom and less love than that with which He has endowed
His creatures. For the very first lesson in the beginning of knowledge
is that Life is the essential Being of God, and that each individual
intelligent outcome of Life is deathless as God Himself.
The 'Wilderness' is wide,—and within it we all find ourselves,—
some wandering far astray—some crouching listlessly among shadows,
too weary to move at all—others, sauntering along in idle
indifference, now and then vaguely questioning how soon and where the
journey will end,—and few ever discovering that it is not a
'Wilderness' at all, but a garden of sweet sights and sounds, where
every day should be a glory and every night a benediction. For when
the veil of mere Appearances has been lifted we are no longer
deceived into accepting what Seems for what Is. The Reality of Life
is Happiness;—the Delusion of Life, which we ourselves create by
improper balance and imperfect comprehension of our own powers, must
needs cause Sorrow, because in such self-deception we only dimly see
the truth, just as a person born blind may vaguely guess at the
beauty of bright day. But for the Soul that has found Itself, there
are no more misleading lights or shadows between its own
everlastingness and the everlastingness of God.
All the world over there are religions of various kinds, more or
less suited to the various types and races of humanity. Most of these
forms of faith have been evolved from the brooding brain of Man
himself, and have nothing 'divine,' in them. In the very early ages
nearly all the religious creeds were mere methods for terrorising the
ignorant and the weak—and some of them were so revolting, so
bloodthirsty and brutal, that one cannot now read of them without a
shudder of repulsion. Nevertheless, from the very first dawn of his
intelligence, man appears always to have felt the necessity of
believing in something stronger and more lasting than himself,—and
his first gropings for truth led him to evolve desperate notions of
something more cruel, more relentless, and more wicked than himself,
rather than ideals of something more beautiful, more just, more
faithful and more loving than he could be. The dawn of Christianity
brought the first glimmering suggestion that a gospel of love and pity
might be more serviceable in the end to the needs of the world, than a
ruthless code of slaughter and vengeance- -though history shows us
that the annals of Christianity itself are stained with crime and
shamed by the shedding of innocent blood. Only in these latter days
has the world become faintly conscious of the real Force working
behind and through all things—the soul of the Divine, or the Psychic
element, animating and inspiring all visible and invisible Nature.
This soul of the Divine—this Psychic element, however, is almost
entirely absent from the teaching of the Christian creed to-day, with
the result that the creed itself is losing its power. I venture to say
that a very small majority of the millions of persons worshipping in
the various forms of the Christian Church really and truly believe
what they publicly profess. Clergy and laity alike are tainted with
this worst of all hypocrisies—that of calling God to witness their
faith when they know they are faithless. It may be asked how I dare to
make such an assertion? I dare, because I know! It would be impossible
to the people of this or any other country to honestly believe the
Christian creed, and yet continue to live as they do. Their lives
give the lie to their avowed religion, and it is this daily spectacle
of the daily life of governments, trades, professions and society
which causes me to feel that the general aspect of Christendom at the
present day, with all its Churches and solemn observances, is one of
the most painful and profound hypocrisy. You who read this
page,—(possibly with indignation) you call yourself a Christian, no
doubt. But ARE you? Do you truly think that when death shall come to
you it is really NOT death, but the simple transition into another and
better life? Do you believe in the actual immortality of your soul,
and do you realise what it means? You do? You are quite sure? Then, do
you live as one convinced of it? Are you quite indifferent to the
riches and purely material advantages of this world?—are you as happy
in poverty as in wealth, and are you independent of social esteem? Are
you bent on the very highest and most unselfish ideals of life and
conduct? I do not say you are not; I merely ask if you ARE. If your
answer is in the affirmative, do not give the lie to your creed by
your daily habits, conversation and manners; for this is what
thousands of professing Christians do, and the clergy are by no means
exempt.
I know very well, of course, that I must not expect your
appreciation, or even your attention, in matters purely spiritual.
The world is too much with you, and you become obstinate of opinion
and rooted in prejudice. Nevertheless, as I said before, this is not
my concern. Your moods are not mine, and with your prejudices I have
nothing to do. My creed is drawn from Nature—Nature, just,
invincible, yet tender—Nature, who shows us that Life, as we know it
now, at this very time and in this very world, is a blessing so rich
in its as yet unused powers and possibilities, that it may be truly
said of the greater majority of human beings that scarce one of them
has ever begun to learn HOW to live.
Shakespeare, the greatest human exponent of human nature at its
best and worst,—the profound Thinker and Artist who dealt boldly with
the facts of good and evil as they truly are,—and did not hesitate
to contrast them forcibly, without any of the deceptive 'half-tones'
of vice and virtue which are the chief stock-in-trade of such modern
authors as we may call 'degenerates,'—makes his Hamlet exclaim:—
"What a piece of work is man!—how noble in
reason!—how infinite in faculty!—in form and moving
how express and admirable!—in action how like an
angel!—in apprehension how like a god!"
Let us consider two of these designations in particular: 'How
infinite in faculty!'—and 'In apprehension how like a god!' The
sentences are prophetic, like so many of Shakespeare's utterances.
They foretell the true condition of the Soul of Man when it shall
have discovered its capabilities. 'Infinite in faculty'—that is to
say—Able to do all it shall WILL to do. There is no end to this
power,—no hindrance in either earth or heaven to its resolute
working—no stint to the life-supplies on which it may draw
unceasingly. And—'in apprehension how like a god!' Here the word
'apprehension' is used in the sense of attaining knowledge,—to
learn, or to 'apprehend' wisdom. It means, of course, that if the
Soul's capability of 'apprehending' or learning the true meaning and
use of every fact and circumstance which environs its existence, were
properly perceived and applied, then the 'Image of God' in which the
Creator made humanity, would become the veritable likeness of the
Divine.
But, as this powerful and infinite faculty of apprehension is
seldom if ever rightly understood, and as Man generally concentrates
his whole effort upon ministering to his purely material needs,
utterly ignoring and wilfully refusing to realise those larger claims
which are purely spiritual, he presents the appearance of a maimed and
imperfect object,—a creature who, having strong limbs, declines to
use the same, or who, possessing incalculable wealth, crazily
considers himself a pauper. Jesus Christ, whom we may look upon as a
human Incarnation of Divine Thought, an outcome and expression of the
'Word' or Law of God, came to teach us our true position in the scale
of the great Creative and Progressive Purpose,—but in the days of His
coming men would not listen,—nor will they listen even now. They say
with their mouths, but they do not believe with their hearts, that He
rose from the dead,—and they cannot understand that, as a matter of
fact, He never died. seeing that death for Him (as for all who have
mastered the inward constitution and commingling of the elements) was
impossible. His real LIFE was not injured or affected by the agony on
the Cross, or by His three days' entombment; the one was a torture to
His physical frame, which to the limited perception of those who
watched Him 'die,' as they thought, appeared like a dissolution of the
whole Man,—the other was the mere rest and silence necessary for what
is called the 'miracle' of the Resurrection, but which was simply the
natural rising of the same Body, the atoms of which were re-invested
and made immortal by the imperishable Spirit which owned and held them
in being. The whole life and so-called 'death' of Christ was and is a
great symbolic lesson to mankind of the infinite power of THAT within
us which we call SOUL,—but which we may perhaps in these scientific
days term an eternal radio-activity,—capable of exhaustless energy
and of readjustment to varying conditions. Life is all Life. There is
no such thing as Death in its composition,— and the intelligent
comprehension of its endless ways and methods of change and
expression, is the Secret of the Universe.
It appears to be generally accepted that we are not to know this
Secret,—that it is too vast and deep for our limited capacities,—
and that even if we did know it, it would be of no use to us, as we
are bound hard and fast by certain natural and elemental laws over
which we have no control. Old truisms are re-stated and violently
asserted—namely, that our business is merely to be born, to live,
breed and arrange things as well as we can for those who come after
us, and then to die, and there an end,—a stupid round of existence
not one whit higher than that of the silkworm. Is it for such a
monotonous, commonplace way of life and purpose as this, that
humanity has been endowed with 'infinite faculty'? Is it for such
poor aims and ends as these that we are told in the legended account
of the beginning of things, to 'Replenish the earth and subdue it'?
There is great meaning in that command—'Subdue it!' The business of
each one of us who has come into the knowledge and possession of his
or her own Soul, is to 'subdue' the earth,—that is, to hold it and
all it contains under subjection,—not to allow Its forces, whether
interior or exterior, to subdue the Soul. But it may perhaps be
said:—"We do not yet understand all the forces with which we have to
contend, and in this way they master us." That may be so,—but if it
is so with any of you, it is quite your own fault. Your own fault, I
say,—for there is no power, human or divine, that compels you to
remain in ignorance. Each one of you has a master—talisman and key to
all locked doors. No State education can do for you what you might do
for yourselves, if you only had the WILL. It is your own choice
entirely if you elect to live in subjection to the earth, instead of
placing the earth under subjection to your dominance.
Then, again, you have been told to 'Replenish the earth'—as well
as to subdue it. In these latter days, through a cupidity as amazing
as criminal, you are not 'replenishing' so much as impoverishing the
earth, and think you that no interest will be exacted for your
reckless plunder? You mistake! You complain of the high taxes imposed
upon you by your merely material and ephemeral Governments,- -but you
forget that the Everlasting Government of all Worlds demands an even
higher rate of compensation for such wrong or injurious uses as you
make of this world, which was and is intended to serve as a place of
training for the development and perfection of the whole human race,
but which, owing to personal greed and selfishness, is too often
turned into a mere grave for the interment of faulty civilisations.
In studying the psychic side of life it should be well and
distinctly understood that THERE IS AN EVER LIVING SPIRIT WITHIN EACH
ONE OF US;—a Spirit for which there is no limited capacity and no
unfavourable surroundings. Its capacity is infinite as God,—and its
surroundings are always made by Itself. It is its own Heaven,— and
once established within that everlasting centre, it radiates from the
Inward to the Outward, thus making its own environment, not only now
but for ever. It is its own Life,—and in the active work of
perpetually re-generating and re-creating itself, knows nothing of
Death.
* * *
* *
*
I must now claim the indulgence of those among my readers who
possess the rare gift of patience, for anything that may seem too
personal in the following statement which I feel it almost necessary
to make on the subject of my own "psychic" creed. I am so often asked
if I believe this or that, if I am "orthodox," if I am a sceptic,
materialist or agnostic, that I should like, if possible, to make
things clear between myself and these enquirers. Therefore I may say
at once that my belief in God and the immortality of the Soul is
absolute,—but that I did not attain to the faith I hold without hard
training and bitter suffering. This need not be dwelt upon, being
past. I began to write when I was too young to know anything of the
world's worldly ways, and when I was too enthusiastic and too much
carried away by the splendour and beauty of the spiritual ideal to
realise the inevitable derision and scorn which are bound to fall upon
untried explorers into the mysteries of the unseen; yet it was solely
on account of a strange psychical experience which chanced to myself
when I stood upon the threshold of what is called 'life' that I found
myself producing my first book, "A Romance of Two Worlds." It was a
rash experiment, but it was the direct result of an initiation into
some few of the truths behind the veil of the Seeming Real. I did not
then know why I was selected for such an 'initiation'—and I do not
know even now. It arose quite naturally out of a series of ordinary
events which might happen to anyone. I was not compelled or persuaded
into it, for, being alone in the world and more or less friendless, I
had no opportunity to seek advice or assistance from any person as to
the course of life or learning I should pursue. And I learned what I
did learn because of my own unwavering intention and WILL to be
instructed.
I should here perhaps explain the tenor of the instruction which
was gradually imparted to me in just such measures of proportion as I
was found to be receptive. The first thing I was taught was how to
bring every feeling and sense into close union with the spirit of
Nature. Nature, I was told, is the reflection of the working-mind of
the Creator—and any opposition to that working-mind on the part of
any living organism It has created cannot but result in disaster.
Pursuing this line of study, a wonderful vista of perpetual
revealment was opened to me. I saw how humanity, moved by gross
egoism, has in every age of the world ordained laws and morals for
itself which are the very reverse of Nature's teaching—I saw how,
instead of helping the wheel of progress and wisdom onward, man
reverses it by his obstinacy and turns it backward even on the very
point of great attainment—and I was able to perceive how the sorrows
and despairs of the world are caused by this one simple fact—Man
working AGAINST Nature—while Nature, ever divine and invincible,
pursues her God-appointed course, sweeping her puny opponents aside
and inflexibly carrying out her will to the end. And I learned how
true it is that if Man went WITH her instead of AGAINST her, there
would be no more misunderstanding of the laws of the Universe, and
that where there is now nothing but discord, all would be divinest
harmony.
My first book, "A Romance of Two Worlds," was an eager, though
crude, attempt to explain and express something of what I myself had
studied on some of these subjects, though, as I have already said, my
mind was unformed and immature, and, therefore, I was not permitted to
disclose more than a glimmering of the light I was beginning to
perceive. My own probation—destined to be a severe one—had only just
been entered upon; and hard and fast limits were imposed on me for a
certain time. I was forbidden, for example, to write of radium, that
wonderful 'discovery' of the immediate hour, though it was then, and
had been for a long period, perfectly well known to my instructors,
who possessed all the means of extracting it from substances as yet
undreamed of by latter-day scientists. I was only permitted to hint at
it under the guise of the word 'Electricity'—which, after all, was
not so much of a misnomer, seeing that electric force displays itself
in countless millions of forms. My "Electric Theory of the Universe"
in the "Romance of Two Worlds" foreran the utterance of the scientist
who in the "Hibbert Journal" for January, 1905, wrote as
follows:—"The last years have seen the dawn of a revolution in
science as great as that which in the sphere of religion overthrew the
many gods and crowned the One. Matter, as we have understood it, there
is none, nor probably anywhere the individual atom. The so-called
atoms are systems of ELECTRONIC corpuscles, bound together by their
mutual forces too firmly for any human contrivance completely to
sunder them,—alike in their electric composition, differing only in
the rhythms of their motion. ELECTRICITY is all things, and all things
are ELECTRIC."
THIS WAS PRECISELY MY TEACHING IN THE FIRST BOOK I EVER WROTE. I
was ridiculed for it, of course,—and I was told that there was no
'spiritual' force in electricity. I differ from this view; but
'radio-activity' is perhaps the better, because the truer term to
employ in seeking to describe the Germ or Embryo of the Soul, for—
as scientists have proved—"Radium is capable of absorbing from
surrounding bodies SOME UNKNOWN FORM OF ENERGY which it can render
evident as heat and light." This is precisely what the radio-
activity in each individual soul of each individual human being is
ordained to do,—to absorb an 'unknown form of energy which it can
render evident as heat and light.' Heat and Light are the composition
of Life;—and the Life which this radio-activity of Soul generates IN
itself and OF itself, can never die. Or, as I wrote in "A Romance of
Two Worlds "—"Like all flames, this electric (or radiant) spark can
either be fanned into a fire, or allowed to escape in air,—IT CAN
NEVER BE DESTROYED." And again, from the same book: "All the wonders
of Nature are the result of LIGHT AND HEAT ALONE." Paracelsus, as
early as about 1526, made guarded mention of the same substance or
quality, describing it thus:—"The more of the humour of life it has,
the more of the spirit of life abounds in that life." Though truly
this vital radio-active force lacks all fitting name. To material
science radium, or radium chloride, is a minute salt crystal, so rare
and costly to obtain that it may be counted as about three thousand
times the price of gold in the market. But of the action of PURE
radium, the knowledge of ordinary scientific students is nil. They
know that an infinitely small spark of radium salt will emit heat and
light continuously without any combustion or change in its own
structure. And I would here quote a passage from a lecture delivered
by one of our prominent scientists in 1904. "Details concerning the
behaviour of several radio-active bodies were detected, as, for
example, their activity was not constant; it gradually grew in
strength, BUT THE GROWN PORTION OF THE ACTIVITY COULD BE BLOWN AWAY,
AND THE BLOWN AWAY PART RETAINED ITS ACTIVITY ONLY FOR A TIME. It
decayed in a few days or weeks,— WHEREAS THE RADIUM ROSE IN STRENGTH
AGAIN AT THE SAME RATE THAT THE OTHER DECAYED. And so on constantly.
It was as if a NEW FORM of matter was constantly being produced, and
AS IF THE RADIO-ACTIVITY WAS A CONCOMITANT OF THE CHANGE OF FORM. It
was also found that radium kept on producing heat de novo so as to
keep itself always a fraction of a degree ABOVE THE SURROUNDING
TEMPERATURE; also that it spontaneously PRODUCED ELECTRICITY."
Does this teach no lesson on the resurrection of the dead? Of the
'blown away part' which decays in a few days or weeks?—of the
'Radia' or 'Radiance' of the Soul, rising in strength again AT THE
SAME RATE that the other, the Body, or 'grown portion of the
activity,' decays? Of the 'new form of matter' and the 'radio-
activity as a concomitant of the CHANGE OF FORM'? Does not Science
here almost unwittingly verify the words of St. Paul:—"It is sown a
natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body,
and there is a spiritual body"? There is nothing impossible or
'miraculous' in such a consummation, even according to modern
material science,—it is merely the natural action of PURE radio-
activity or that etherical composition for which we have no name, but
which we have vaguely called the SOUL for countless ages.
To multitudes of people this expression 'the Soul' has become
overfamiliar by constant repetition, and conveys little more than the
suggestion of a myth, or the hint of an Imaginary Existence. Now there
is nothing in the whole Universe so REAL as the Vital Germ of the
actual Form and Being of the living, radiant, active Creature within
each one of us,—the creature who, impressed and guided by our Free
Will, works out its own delight or doom. The WILL of each man or woman
is like the compass of a ship,—where it points, the ship goes. If the
needle directs it to the rocks, there is wreck and disaster,—if to
the open sea, there is clear sailing. God leaves the WILL of man at
perfect liberty. His Divine Love neither constrains nor compels. We
must Ourselves learn the ways of Right and Wrong, and having learned,
we must choose. We must injure Ourselves. God will not injure us. We
invite our own miseries. God does not send them. The evils and sorrows
that afflict mankind are of mankind's own making. Even in natural
catastrophes, which ruin cities and devastate countries, it is well to
remember that Nature, which is the MATERIAL EXPRESSION of the mind of
God, will not tolerate too long a burden of human iniquity. Nature
destroys what is putrescent; she covers it up with fresh earth on
which healthier things may find place to grow.
I tried to convey some hint of these truths in my "Romance of Two
Worlds." Some few gave heed,—others wrote to me from all parts of
the world concerning what they called my 'views' on the subjects
treated of,—some asked to be 'initiated' into my 'experience' of the
Unseen,—but many of my correspondents (I say it with regret) were
moved by purely selfish considerations for their own private and
particular advancement, and showed, by the very tone of their letters,
not only an astounding hypocrisy, but also the good opinion they
entertained of their own worthiness, their own capabilities, and their
own great intellectuality, forgetful of the words:— "Except ye become
as little children, ye shall not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven."
Now the spirit of a little child is receptive and trustful. It has
no desire for argument, and it is instinctively confident that it
will not be led into unnecessary difficulty or danger by its
responsible guardians. This is the spirit in which, if we are sincere
in our seeking for knowledge, we should and must approach the deeper
psychological mysteries of Nature. But as long as we interpose the
darkness of personal doubt and prejudice between ourselves and the
Light Eternal no progress can be made,—and every attempt to penetrate
into the Holy of Holies will be met and thrust back by that 'flaming
Sword' which from the beginning, as now, turns every way to guard the
Tree of Life.
Knowing this, and seeing that Self was the stumbling-block with
most of my correspondents, I was anxious to write another book at
once, also in the guise of a romance, to serve as a little lamp of
love whereby my readers might haply discover the real character of the
obstacle which blocked their way to an intelligent Soul-advancement.
But the publisher I had at the time (the late Mr. George Bentley)
assured me that if I wrote another 'spiritualistic' book, I should
lose the public hearing I had just gained. I do not know why he had
formed this opinion, but as he was a kindly personal friend, and took
a keen interest in my career, never handing any manuscript of mine
over to his 'reader,' but always reading it himself, I felt it
incumbent upon me, as a young beginner, to accept the advice which I
knew could only be given with the very best intentions towards me. To
please him, therefore, and to please the particular public to which he
had introduced me, I wrote something entirely different,—a
melodramatic tale entitled: "Vendetta: The Story of One Forgotten."
The book made a certain stir, and Mr. Bentley next begged me to try
'a love-story, pur et simple' (I quote from his own letter). The
result was my novel of "Thelma," which achieved a great popular
success and still remains a favourite work with a large majority of
readers. I then considered myself free to move once more upon the
lines which my study of psychic forces had convinced me were of pre-
eminent importance. And moved by a strong conviction that men and
women are hindered from attaining their full heritage of life by the
obstinate interposition of their merely material Selves, I wrote
"Ardath: The Story of a Dead Self." The plan of this book was
partially suggested by the following passages from the Second
Apocryphal Book of Esdras:—
"Go into a field of flowers where no house is builded. And pray
unto the Highest continually, then will I come and talk with thee. So
I went my way into the field which is called Ardath, like as he
commanded me, and there I sat among the flowers."
In this field the Prophet sees the vision of a woman.
"And it came to pass while I was talking with her, behold her face
upon a sudden shined exceedingly and her countenance glistened, so
that I was afraid of her and mused what it might be. And I looked,
and behold the woman appeared unto me no more, but there was a city
builded, and a large place showed itself from the foundations."
On this I raised the fabric of my own "Dream City," and sought to
elucidate some of the meaning of that great text in Ecclesiastes
which contains in itself all the philosophy of the ages: "That which
Hath Been is Now; and that which is To Be hath already Been; and God
requireth that which is Past."
The book, however, so my publisher Mr. Bentley told me in a series
of letters which I still possess, and which show how keen was his own
interest in my work, was 'entirely over the heads of the general
public.' His opinion was, no doubt, correct, as "Ardath" still
remains the least 'popular' of any book I have ever written.
Nevertheless it brought me the unsought and very generous praise of
the late Poet Laureate, Alfred Lord Tennyson, as well as the equally
unsought good opinion and personal friendship of the famous
statesman, William Ewart Gladstone, while many of the better-class
literary journals vied with one another in according me an almost
enthusiastic eulogy. Such authorities as the "Athenaeum" and
"Spectator" praised the whole conception and style of the work, the
latter journal going as far as to say that I had beaten Beckford's
famous "Vathek" on its own ground.
Whatever may now be the consensus of opinion on its merits or
demerits, I know and feel it to be one of my most worthy attempts,
even though it is not favoured by the million. It does not appeal to
anything 'of the moment' merely, because there are very few people
who can or will understand that if the Soul or 'Radia' of a human
being is so forgetful of its highest origin as to cling to its human
Self only (events the hero of "Ardath" clung to the Shadow of his
Former Self and to the illusory pictures of that Former Self's
pleasures and vices and vanities) then the way to the eternal Happier
Progress is barred. There is yet another intention in this book which
seems to be missed by the casual reader, namely,—That each human soul
is a germ of SEPARATE and INDIVIDUAL spiritual existence. Even as no
two leaves are exactly alike on any tree, and no two blades of grass
are precisely similar, so no two souls resemble each other, but are
wholly different, endowed with different gifts and different
capacities. Individuality is strongly insisted upon in material
Nature. And why? Because material Nature is merely the reflex or
mirror of the more strongly insistent individuality of psychic form.
Again, psychic form is generated from a divinely eternal psychic
substance,—a 'radia' or emanation of God's own Being which, as it
progresses onward through endless aeons of constantly renewed
vitality, grows more and more powerful, changing its shape often, but
never its everlasting composition and quality. Therefore, all the
experiences of the 'Soul' or psychic form, from its first entrance
into active consciousness, whether in this world or in other worlds,
are attracted to itself by its own inherent volition, and work
together to make it what it is now and what it will be hereafter.
That is what "Ardath: The Story of a Dead Self" seeks to explain,
and I have nothing to take back from what I have written in its
pages. In its experimental teaching it is the natural and intended
sequence of "A Romance of Two Worlds," and was meant to assist the
studies of the many who had written to me asking for help. And
despite the fact that some of these persons, owing to an inherent
incapacity for concentrated thought upon any subject, found it too
'difficult' as they said, for casual reading, its reception was
sufficiently encouraging to decide me on continuing to press upon
public attention the theories therein set forth. "The Soul of Lilith"
was, therefore, my next venture,—a third link in the chain I sought
to weave between the perishable materialism of our ordinary
conceptions of life, and the undying spiritual quality of life as it
truly is. In this I portrayed the complete failure that must
inevitably result from man's prejudice and intellectual pride when
studying the marvellous mysteries of what I would call the Further
World,—that is to say, the 'Soul' of the world which is hidden
deeply behind its external Appearance,—and how impossible it is and
ever must be that any 'Soul' should visibly manifest itself where
there is undue attachment to the body. The publication of the book
was a very interesting experience. It was and is still less 'popular'
than "Ardath"—but it has been gladly welcomed by a distinctly
cultured minority of persons famous in art, science and literature,
whose good opinion is well worth having. With this reward I was
perfectly content, but my publisher was not so easily pleased. He
wanted something that would 'sell' better. To relieve his impatience,
therefore, I wrote a more or less 'sensational' novel dealing with the
absinthe drinkers of Paris, entitled "Wormwood," which did a certain
amount of good in its way, by helping to call public attention to the
devastation wrought by the use of the pernicious drug among the French
and other Continental peoples—and after this, receiving a strong and
almost imperative impetus towards that particular goal whither my mind
was set, I went to work again with renewed vigour on my own favourite
and long studied line of argument, indifferent alike to publisher or
public. Filled with the fervour of a passionate and proved faith, I
wrote "Barabbas: A Dream of the World's Tragedy,"—and this was the
signal of separation from my excellent old friend, George Bentley, who
had not the courage to publish a poetic romance which introduced,
albeit with a tenderness and reverence unspeakable, so far as my own
intention was concerned, the Crucifixion and Resurrection of Christ.
He wrote to me expressing his opinion in these terms:—"I can
conscientiously praise the power and feeling you exhibit for your
vast subject, and the rush and beauty of the language, and above all
I feel that the book is the genuine outcome of a fervent faith all
too rare in these days, but—I fear its effect on the public mind."
Yet, when urged to a given point in the discussion, he could not deny
that 'the effect on the public mind' of the Passion Play at
Ober-Ammergau is generally impressive and helpful, while he was bound
to admit that there was something to be said for the introduction of
Divine personages in the epic romances of Milton and Dante. What could
be written in poetic verse did not, however, seem to him suitable for
poetic prose, and I did not waste words in argument, as I knew the
time had come for the parting of the ways. I sought my present
publisher, Mr. Methuen, who, being aware, from a business point of
view, that I had now won a certain reputation, took "Barabbas" without
parley. It met with an almost unprecedented success, not only in this
country but all over the world. Within a few months it was translated
into every known European language, inclusive even of modern Greek,
and nowhere perhaps has it awakened a wider interest than in India,
where it is published in Hindustani, Gujarati, and various other
Eastern dialects. Its notable triumph was achieved despite a hailstorm
of abuse rattled down upon me by the press,—a hailstorm which I,
personally, found welcome and refreshing, inasmuch as it cleared the
air and cleaned the road for my better wayfaring. It released me once
and for all from the trammels of such obligation as is incurred by
praise, and set me firmly on my feet in that complete independence
which to me (and to all who seek what I have found) is a paramount
necessity. For, as Thomas a Kempis writes: "Whosoever neither desires
to please men nor fears to displease them shall enjoy much peace." I
took my freedom gratefully, and ever since that time of unjust and
ill-considered attack from persons who were too malignantly minded to
even read the work they vainly endeavoured to destroy, have been
happily indifferent to all so-called 'criticism' and immune from all
attempts to interrupt my progress or turn me back upon my chosen way.
From henceforth I recognised that no one could hinder or oppose me but
myself—and that I had the making, tinder God, of my own destiny. I
followed up "Barabbas" as quickly as possible by "The Sorrows of
Satan," thus carrying out the preconceived intention I had always had
of depicting, first, the martyrdom which is always the world's guerdon
to Absolute Good,—and secondly, the awful, unimaginable torture which
must, by Divine Law, for ever be the lot of Absolute Evil.
The two books carried their message far and wide with astonishing
success and swiftness, and I then drew some of my threads of former
argument together in "The Master Christian," wherein I depicted
Christ as a Child, visiting our world again as it is to-day and
sorrowfully observing the wickedness which men practise in His Name.
This book was seized upon by thousands of readers in all countries of
the world with an amazing avidity which proved how deep was the
longing for some clear exposition of faith that might console as well
as command,—and after its publication I decided to let it take its
own uninterrupted course for a time and to change my own line of work
to lighter themes, lest I should be set down as 'spiritualist' or
'theosophist,' both of which terms have been brought into contempt by
tricksters. So I played with my pen, and did my best to entertain the
public with stories of everyday life and love, such as the least
instructed could understand, and that I now allude to the
psychological side of my work is merely to explain that these six
books, namely: "A Romance of Two Worlds," "Ardath: The Story of a
Dead Self," "The Soul of Lilith," "Barabbas," "The Sorrows of Satan"
and "The Master Christian" ARE THE RESULT OF A DELIBERATELY CONCEIVED
PLAN AND INTENTION, and are all linked together by the ONE THEORY.
They have not been written solely as pieces of fiction for which I,
the author, am paid by the publisher, or you, the reader, are content
to be temporarily entertained,—they are the outcome of what I myself
have learned, practised and proved in the daily experiences, both
small and great, of daily life.
You may probably say and you probably WILL say—"What does that
matter to us? We do not care a jot for your 'experiences'—they are
transcendental and absurd—they bore us to extinction." Nevertheless,
quite callous as you are or may be, there must come a time when pain
and sorrow have you in their grip—when what you call 'death' stands
face to face with you, and when you will find that all you have
thought, desired or planned for your own pleasure, and all that you
possess of material good or advantage, vanishes like smoke, leaving
nothing behind,—when the world will seem no more than a small
receding point from which you must fall into the Unknown—and when
that "dread of something after death, The undiscovered country from
whose bourn No traveller returns, PUZZLES THE WILL." You have at
present living among you a great professing scientist, Dr. Oliver
Lodge, who, wandering among mazy infinities, conceives it even
possible to communicate with departed spirits,— while I, who have no
such weight of worldly authority and learning behind me, tell you that
such a thing is out of all natural law and therefore CAN NEVER BE.
Nature can and will unveil to us many mysteries that seem
SUPER-natural, when they are only manifestations of the deepest centre
of the purest natural—but nothing can alter Divine Law, or change the
system which has governed the Universe from the beginning. And by this
Divine Law and system we have to learn that the so-called 'dead' are
NOT dead—they have merely been removed to fresh life and new spheres
of action, under which circumstances they cannot possibly hold
communication with us in any way unless they again assume the human
form and human existence. In this case (which very frequently happens)
it takes not only time for us to know them, but it also demands a
certain instinctive receptiveness on our parts, or willingness to
recognise them. Even the risen Saviour was not at first recognised by
His own disciples. It is because I have been practically convinced of
this truth, and because I have learned that life is not and never can
be death, but only constant change and reinvestment of Spirit into
Form, that I have presumed so far as to allude to my own faith and
experience,—a 'personal' touch for which I readily apologise, knowing
that it cannot be interesting to the majority who would never take the
trouble to shape their lives as I seek to shape mine. Still, if there
are one or two out of a million who feel as I do, that life and love
are of little worth if they must end in dark nothingness, these may
perhaps have the patience to come with me through the pages of a
narrative which is neither 'incidental' nor 'sensational' nor anything
which should pertain to the modern 'romance' or 'novel,' and which has
been written because the writing of it enforced itself upon me with an
insistence that would take no denial.
Perhaps there will be at least one among those who turn over this
book, who will be sufficiently interested in the psychic—that is to
say the immortal and, therefore, the only REAL side of life—to give
a little undivided attention to the subject. To that one I address
myself and say: Will you, to begin with, drop your burden of
preconceived opinions and prejudices, whatever they are? Will you set
aside the small cares and trifles that affect your own material
personality? Will you detach yourself from your own private and
particular surroundings for a space and agree to THINK with me?
Thinking is, I know, the hardest of all hard tasks to the modern
mind. But if you would learn, you must undertake this trouble. If you
would find the path which is made fair and brilliant by the radiance
of the soul's imperishable summer, you must not grudge time. If I try,
no matter how inadequately, to show you something of the mystic power
that makes for happiness, do not shut your eyes in scorn or languor to
the smallest flash of light through your darkness which may help you
to a mastery of the secret.
I say again—Will you THINK with me? Will you, for instance, think
of Life? What is it? Of Death? What is it? What is the primary object
of Living? What is the problem solved by Dying? All these questions
should have answer,—for nothing is without a meaning,— and nothing
ever HAS BEEN, or ever WILL BE, without a purpose?
In this world, apparently, and according to our surface knowledge
of all physical and mental phenomena, it would seem that the chief
business of humanity is to continually re-create itself. Man exists-
-in his own opinion—merely to perpetuate Man. All the wonders of the
earth, air, fire and water,—all the sustenance drawn from the teeming
bosom of Nature,—all the progress of countless civilisations in ever
recurring and repeated processional order,— all the sciences old and
new,—are solely to nourish, support, instruct, entertain and furnish
food and employment for the tiny two-legged imp of Chance, spawned (as
he himself asserts) out of gas and atoms.
Yet,—as he personally declares, through the mouth of his modern
science,—he is not of real importance withal. The little planet on
which he dwells would, to all seeming, move on in its orbit in the
same way as it does now, without him. In itself it is a pigmy world
compared with the rest of the solar system of which it is a part.
Nevertheless, the fact cannot be denied that his material
surroundings are of a quality tending to either impress or to deceive
Man with a sense of his own value. The world is his oyster which he,
with the sword of enterprise, will open,—and all his natural
instincts urge him to perpetuate himself in some form or other
incessantly and without stint. Why? Why is his existence judged to be
necessary? Why should he not cease to be? Trees would grow, flowers
would bloom, birds would sing, fish would glide through the rivers and
the seas,—the insect and animal tribes of field and forest would
enjoy their existence unmolested, and the great sun would shine on
ever the same, rising at dawn, sinking at even, with unbroken
exactitude and regularity if Man no longer lived. Why have the
monstrous forces of Evolution thundered their way through cycles of
creation to produce so infinitesimal a prodigy?
Till this question is answered, so long must life seem at its best
but vague and unsatisfactory. So long over all things must brood the
shadow of death made more gloomy by hopeless contemplation. So long
must Creation appear something of a cruel farce, for which peoples
and civilisations come into being merely to be destroyed and leave no
trace. All the work futile,—all the education useless,—all the hope
vain. Only when men and women learn that their lives are not
infinitesimal but infinite—that each of them possesses within
himself or herself an eternal, active, conscious individual Force,—
a Being—a Form—which in its radio-active energy draws to itself and
accommodates to its use, everything that is necessary for the
accomplishment of its endeavours, whether such endeavours be to
continue its life on this planet or to remove to other spheres; only
then will it be clearly understood that all Nature is the subject and
servant of this Radiant Energy—that Itself is the god-like 'image' or
emanation of God, and that as such it has its eternal part to perform
in the eternal movement towards the Eternal Highest.
I now leave the following pages to the reader's attentive or
indifferent consideration. To me, as I have already stated, outside
opinion is of no moment. Personally speaking, I should perhaps have
preferred, had it been possible, to set forth the incidents narrated
in the ensuing 'romance' in the form of separate essays on the nature
of the mystic tuition and experience through which some of us in this
workaday world have the courage to pass successfully, but I know that
the masses of the people who drift restlessly to and fro upon the
surface of this planet, ever seeking for comfort in various forms of
religion and too often finding none, will not listen to any spiritual
truth unless it is conveyed to them, as though they were children, in
the form of a 'story.' I am not the heroine of the tale—though I have
narrated it (more or less as told to me) in the first person singular,
because it seemed to me simpler and more direct. She to whom the
perfect comprehension of happiness has come with an equally perfect
possession of love, is one out of a few who are seeking what she has
found. Many among the world's greatest mystics and philosophers have
tried for the prizes she has won,—for the world possesses Plato, the
Bible and Christ, but in its apparent present ways of living has
learned little or nothing from the three, so that other would-be
teachers may well despair of carrying persuasion where such mighty
predecessors have seemingly failed. The serious and REAL things of
life are nowadays made subjects for derision rather than
reverence;—then, again, there is unhappily an alarmingly increasing
majority of weak-minded and degenerate persons, born of drunken,
diseased or vicious parents, who are mentally unfit for the loftier
forms of study, and in whom the mere act of thought-concentration
would be dangerous and likely to upset their mental balance
altogether; while by far the larger half of the social community seek
to avoid the consideration of anything that is not exactly suited to
their tastes. Some of our most respected social institutions are
nothing but so many self-opinionated and unconscious oppositions to
the Law of Nature which is the Law of God,—and thus it often happens
that when obstinate humanity persists in considering its own ideas of
Right and Wrong superior to the Eternal Decrees which have been
visibly presented through Nature since the earliest dawn of creation,
a faulty civilisation sets in and is presently swept back upon its
advancing wheels, and forced to begin again with primal letters of
learning. In the same way a faulty Soul, an imperfect individual
Spirit, is likewise compelled to return to school and resume the study
of the lessons it has failed to put into practice. Nevertheless,
people cannot bear to have it plainly said or written down, as it has
been said and written down over and over again any time since the
world began, that all the corrupt government, wars, slaveries,
plagues, diseases and despairs that afflict humanity are humanity's
own sins taking vengeance upon the sinners, 'even unto the third and
fourth generation.' And this not out of Divine cruelty, but because of
Divine Law which from the first ordained that Evil shall slay Itself,
leaving room only for Good. Men and women alike will scarce endure to
read any book which urges this unalterable fact upon their attention.
They pronounce the author 'arrogant' or 'presuming to lay down the
law';—and they profess to be scandalised by an encounter with
honesty. Nevertheless, the faithful writer of things as they Are will
not be disturbed by the aspect of things as they Seem.
Spirit,—the creative Essence of all that is,—works in various
forms, but always on an ascending plane, and it invariably rejects
and destroys whatever interrupts that onward and upward progress.
Being in Itself the Radiant outflow of the Mind of God, it is the
LIFE of the Universe. And it is very needful to understand and to
remember that there is nothing which can properly be called SUPER-
natural, or above Nature, inasmuch as this Eternal Spirit of Energy
is in and throughout all Nature. Therefore, what to the common mind
appears miraculous or impossible, is nevertheless actually ordinary,
and only seems EXTRA-ordinary to the common mind's lack of knowledge
and experience. The Fountain of Youth and the Elixir of Life were
dreams of the ancient mystics and scientists, but they are not dreams
to-day. To the Soul that has found them they are Divine Realities.
It is difficult at all times to write or speak of circumstances
which though perfectly at one with Nature appear to be removed from
natural occurrences. Apart from the incredulity with which the
narration of such incidents is received, the mere idea that any one
human creature should be fortunate enough to secure some particular
advantage which others, through their own indolence or indifference,
have missed, is sufficient to excite the envy of the weak or the
anger of the ignorant. In all criticism it is an understood thing
that the subject to be criticised must be UNDER the critic, never
above,—that is to say, never above the critic's ability to
comprehend; therefore, as it is impossible that an outsider should
enter at once into a clear understanding of the mystic Spiritual-
Nature world around him, it follows that the teachings and tenets of
that Spiritual-Nature world must be more or less a closed book to
such an one,—a book, moreover, which he seldom cares or dares to try
and open.
In this way and for this reason the Eastern philosophers and sages
concealed much of their most profound knowledge from the multitude,
because they rightly recognised the limitations of narrow minds and
prejudiced opinions. What the fool cannot learn he laughs at,
thinking that by his laughter he shows superiority instead of latent
idiocy. And so it has happened that many of the greatest discoveries
of science, though fully known and realised in the past by the
initiated few, were never disclosed to the many until recent years,
when 'wireless telegraphy' and 'light-rays' are accepted facts,
though these very things were familiar to the Egyptian priests and to
that particular sect known as the 'Hermetic Brethren,' many of whom
used the 'violet ray' for chemical and other purposes ages before the
coming of Christ. Wireless telegraphy was also an ordinary method of
communication between them, and they had their 'stations' for it in
high towers on certain points of land as we have now. But if they had
made their scientific attainments known to the multitude of their day
they would have been judged as impostors or madmen. In the time of
Galileo men would not believe that the earth moved round the sun,—and
if anyone had then declared that messages could be sent from one ship
to another in mid-ocean without any visible means of communication, he
would probably have been put to torture and death as a sorcerer and
deliberate misleader of the public. In the same way those who write of
spiritual truths and the psychic control of our life-forces are as
foolishly criticised as Galileo, and as wrongfully condemned.
For hundreds of years man's vain presumption and belief in his own
infallibility caused him to remain in error concerning the simplest
elements of astronomy, which would have taught him the true position
of the sphere upon which he dwells. With precisely equal obstinacy
man lives to-day in ignorance of his own highest powers because he
will not take the trouble to study the elements of that supreme and
all-commanding mental science which would enable him to understand
his own essential life and being, and the intention of his Creator
with regard to his progress and betterment. Therefore, in the face of
his persistent egotism and effrontery, and his continuous denial of
the 'superhuman' (which denial is absurdly incongruous seeing that all
his religions are built up on a 'superhuman' basis), it is generally
necessary for students of psychic mysteries to guard the treasures of
their wisdom from profane and vulgar scorn,—a scorn which amounts in
their eyes to blasphemy. For centuries it has been their custom to
conceal the tenets of their creed from the common knowledge for the
sake of conventions; because they would, or might, be shut out from
such consolations as human social intercourse can give if their
spiritual attainments were found to be, as they often are, beyond the
ordinary. Thus they move through the world with the utmost caution,
and instead of making a display of their powers they, if they are true
to their faith, studiously deny the idea that they have any
extraordinary or separate knowledge. They live as spectators of the
progress or decay of nations, and they have no desire to make
disciples, converts or confidants. They submit to the obligations of
life, obey all civil codes, and are blameless and generous citizens,
only preserving silence in regard to their own private beliefs, and
giving the public the benefit of their acquirements up to a certain
point, but shutting out curiosity where they do not wish its
impertinent eyes.
To this, the creed just spoken of, I, the writer of this present
narrative, belong. It has nothing whatever to do with merely human
dogma,—and yet I would have it distinctly understood that I am not
opposed to 'forms' of religion save where they overwhelm religion
itself and allow the Spirit to be utterly lost in the Letter. For
'the letter killeth,—the spirit giveth life.' So far as a 'form' may
make a way for truth to become manifest, I am with it,—but when it is
a mere Sham or Show, and when human souls are lost rather than saved
by it, I am opposed to it. And with all my deficiencies I am conscious
that I may risk the chance of a lower world's disdain, seeing that the
'higher world without end' is open to me in its imperishable
brightness and beauty, to live in both NOW, and for ever. No one can
cast me out of that glorious and indestructible Universe, for
'whithersoever I go there will be the sun and the moon, and the stars
and visions and communion with the gods.'
And so I will fulfil the task allotted to me, and will enter at
once upon my 'story'—in which form I shall endeavour to convey to my
readers certain facts which are as far from fiction as the sayings of
the prophets of old,—sayings that we know have been realised by the
science of to-day. Every great truth has at first been no more than a
dream,—that is to say, a thought, or an instinctive perception of the
Soul reaching after its own immortal heritage. And what the Soul
demands it receives.
* * *
* *
*
At a time of year when the indolent languors of an exceptionally
warm summer disinclined most people for continuous hard work, and
when those who could afford it had left their ordinary avocations for
the joys of a long holiday, I received a pressing invitation from
certain persons whom I had met by chance during one London season, to
join them in a yachting cruise. My intending host was an exceedingly
rich man, a widower with one daughter, a delicate and ailing creature
who, had she been poor, would have been irreverently styled 'a
tiresome old maid,' but who by reason of being a millionaire's sole
heiress was alluded to with sycophantic tenderness by all and sundry
as 'Poor Miss Catherine.' Morton Harland, her father, was in a certain
sense notorious for having written and published a bitter, cold and
pitiless attack on religion, which was the favourite reading of many
scholars and literary men, and this notable performance, together with
the well accredited reports of his almost fabulous wealth, secured for
him two social sets,—the one composed of such human sharks as are
accustomed to swim round the plutocrat,—the other of the cynical,
listless, semi-bored portion of a so-called cultured class who,
having grown utterly tired of themselves, presumed that it was clever
to be equally tired of God. I was surprised that such a man as he was
should think of including me among his guests, for I had scarcely
exchanged a dozen words with him, and my acquaintance with Miss
Harland was restricted to a few casual condolences with her respecting
the state of her health. Yet it so chanced that one of those vague
impulses to which we can give no name, but which often play an
important part in the building up of our life-dramas, moved both
father and daughter to a wish for my company. Moreover, the wish was
so strong that though on first receiving their invitation I had
refused it, they repeated it urgently, Morton Harland himself pressing
it upon me with an almost imperative insistence.
"You want rest,"—he said, peering at me narrowly with his small
hard brown eyes—"You work all the time. And to what purpose?"
I smiled.
"To as much purpose as anyone else, I suppose,"—I answered—"But
to put it plainly, I work because I love work."
The lines of his mouth grew harder.
"So did I love work when I was your age,"—he said—"I thought I
could carve out a destiny. So I could. I have done it. But now it's
done I'm tired! I'm sick of my destiny,—the thing I carved out so
cleverly,—it has the stone face of a Sphinx and its eyes are blank
and without meaning."
I was silent. My silence seemed to irritate him, and he gave me a
sharp, enquiring glance.
"Do you hear me?" he demanded—"If you do, I don't believe you
understand!"
"I hear—and I quite understand,"—I replied, quietly, "Your
destiny, as you have made it, is that of a rich man. And you do not
care about it. I think that's quite natural."
He laughed harshly.
"There you are again!" he exclaimed—"Up in the air and riding a
theory like a witch on a broomstick! It's NOT natural. That's just
where you're wrong! It's quite UN-natural. If a man has plenty of
money he ought to be perfectly happy and satisfied,—he can get
everything he wants,—he can move the whole world of commerce and
speculation, and can shake the tree of Fortune so that the apples
shall always fall at his own feet. But if the apples are tasteless
there's something wrong."
"Not with the apples," I said.
"Oh, I know what you mean! You would say the fault is with me, not
with Fortune's fruit. You may be right. Catherine says you are. Poor
mopish Catherine!—always ailing, always querulous! Come and cheer
her!"
"But"—I ventured to say—"I hardly know her."
"That's true. But she has taken a curious fancy to you. She has
very few fancies nowadays,—none that wealth can gratify. Her life has
been a complete disillusion. If you would do her and me a kindness,
come!"
I was a little troubled by his pertinacity. I had never liked
Morton Harland. His reputation, both as a man of wealth and a man of
letters, was to me unenviable. He did no particular good with his
money,—and such literary talent as he possessed he squandered in
attacking nobler ideals than he had ever been able to attain. He was
not agreeable to look at either; his pale, close-shaven face was
deeply marked by lines of avarice and cunning,—his tall, lean figure
had an aggressive air in its very attitude, and his unkind mouth never
failed, whether in speaking or smiling, to express a sneer. Apparently
he guessed the vague tenor of my thoughts, for he went on:—
"Don't be afraid of me! I'm not an ogre, and I shan't eat you! You
think me a disagreeable man—well, so I am. I've had enough in my
life to make me disagreeable. And"—here he paused, passing his hand
across his eyes with a worried and impatient gesture—"I've had an
unexpected blow just lately. The doctors tell me that I have a mortal
disease for which there is no remedy. I may live on for several years,
or I may die suddenly; it's all a matter of care—or chance. I want to
forget the sad news for a while if I can. I've told Catherine, and I
suppose I've added to her usual burden of vapours and melancholy—so
we're a couple of miserable wretches. It's not very unselfish of us to
ask you to come and join us under such circumstances—"
As he spoke my mind suddenly made itself up. I would go. Why not? A
cruise on a magnificent steam yacht, replete with every comfort and
luxury, was surely a fairly pleasant way of taking a holiday, even
with two invalids for company.
"I'm sorry," I said, as gently as I could—"very sorry that you are
ill. Perhaps the doctors may be mistaken. They are not always
infallible. Many of their doomed patients have recovered in spite of
their verdict. And—as you and Miss Harland wish it so much—I will
certainly come."
His frowning face lightened, and for a moment looked almost kind.
"That's right!" he said—"The fresh air and the sea will do you
good. As for ourselves, sickly people though we are, we shall not
obtrude our ailments upon your attention. At least I shall not.
Catherine may—she has got into an unfortunate habit of talking about
her aches and pains, and if her acquaintances have no aches and pains
to discuss with her she is at a loss for conversation. However, we
shall do our best to make the time go easily with you. There will be
no other company on board—except my private secretary and my
attendant physician,—both decent fellows who know their place and
keep it."
The hard look settled again in his eyes, and his ugly mouth closed
firmly in its usual cruel line. My subconscious dislike of him gave
me a sharp thrust of regret that, after all, I had accepted his
invitation.
"I was going to Scotland for a change,"—I murmured, hesitatingly.
"Were you? Then our plans coincide. We join the yacht at Rothesay—
you can meet us there. I propose a cruise among the Western isles—
the Hebrides—and possibly on to Norway and its fjords. What do you
say?"
My heart thrilled with a sudden sense of expectant joy. In my fancy
I already saw the heather-crowned summits of the Highland hills,
bathed in soft climbing mists of amethyst and rose,—the lovely
purple light that dances on the mountain lochs at the sinking of the
sun,—the exquisite beauty of wild moor and rocky foreland,—and
almost I was disposed to think this antipathetic millionaire an angel
of blessing in disguise.
"It will be delightful!" I said, with real fervour—"I shall love
it! I'm glad you are going to keep to northern seas."
"Northern seas are the only seas possible for summer," he replied—
"With the winter one goes south, as a matter of course, though I'm
not sure that it is always advisable. I have found the Mediterranean
tiresome very often." He broke off and seemed to lose himself for a
moment in a tangle of vexed thought. Then he resumed quickly:—
"Well, next week, then. Rothesay bay, and the yacht 'Diana.'"
Things being thus settled, we shook hands and parted. In the
interval between his visit and my departure from home I had plenty to
do, and I heard no more of the Harlands, except that I received a
little note from Miss Catherine expressing her pleasure that I had
agreed to accompany them on their cruise.
"You will be very dull, I fear,"—she wrote, kindly—"But not so
dull as we should be without you."
This was a gracious phrase which meant as much or as little as most
such phrases of a conventionally amiable character. Dulness, however,
is a condition of brain and body of which I am seldom conscious, so
that the suggestion of its possibility did not disturb my outlook.
Having resolved to go, I equally resolved to enjoy the trip to the
utmost limit of my capacity for enjoyment, which— fortunately for
myself—is very great. Before my departure from home I had to listen,
of course, to the usual croaking chorus of acquaintances in the
neighbourhood who were not going yachting and who, according to their
own assertion, never would on any account go yachting. There is a
tendency in many persons to decry every pleasure which they have no
chance of sharing, and this was not lacking among my provincial
gossips.
"The weather has been so fine lately that we're sure to have a
break soon,"—said one—"I expect you'll meet gales at sea."
"I hear," said another, "that heavy rains are threatening the west
coast of Scotland."
"Such a bore, yachting!" declared a worthy woman who had never been
on a yacht in her life—"The people on board get sick of each other's
company in a week!"
"Well, you ought to pity me very much, then!"—I said, laughing—
"According to your ideas, a yachting cruise appears to be the last
possible form of physical suffering that can be inflicted on any
human being. But I shall hope to come safely out of it all the same!"
My visitors gave me a wry smile. It was quite easy to see that they
envied what they considered my good fortune in getting a holiday
under the most luxurious circumstances without its costing me a
penny. This was the only view they took of it. It is the only view
people generally take of any situation,—namely, the financial side.
The night before I left home was to me a memorable one. Nothing of
any outward or apparent interest happened, and I was quite alone, yet
I was conscious of a singular elation of both mind and body as though
I were surrounded by a vibrating atmosphere of light and joy. It was
an impression that came upon me suddenly, seeming to have little or
nothing to do with my own identity, yet withal it was still so
personal that I felt eager to praise for such a rich inflow of
happiness. The impression was purely psychic I knew,—but it was worth
a thousand gifts of material good. Nothing seemed sad,— nothing
seemed difficult in the whole Universe—every shadow of trouble seemed
swept away from a shining sky of peace. I threw open the lattice
window of my study and stepping out on the balcony which overhung the
garden, I stood there dreamily looking out upon the night. There was
no moon; only a million quivering points of light flashing from the
crowded stars in a heaven of dusky blue. The air was warm, and
fragrant with the sweet scent of stocks and heliotrope,—there was a
great silence, for it was fully midnight, and not even the drowsy
twitter of a bird broke the intense quiet. The world was asleep—or
seemed so—although for fifty living organisms in Nature that sleep
there are a thousand that wake, to whom night is the working day. I
listened,—and fancied I could hear the delicate murmuring of voices
hidden among the leaves and behind the trees, and the thrill of soft
music flowing towards me on the sound-waves of the air. It was one of
those supreme moments when I almost thought I had made some marked
progress towards the attainment of my highest aims,—when the time I
had spent and the patience I had exercised in cultivating and training
what may be called the INWARD powers of sight and hearing were about
to be rewarded by a full opening to my striving spirit of the gates
which had till now been only set ajar. I knew,—for I had studied and
proved the truth,—that every bodily sense we possess is simply an
imperfect outcome of its original and existent faculty in the Soul,-
-that our bodily ears are only the material expressions of that
spiritual hearing which is fine and keen enough to catch the lightest
angel whisper,—that our eyes are but the outward semblance of those
brilliant inner orbs of vision which are made to look upon the
supernal glories of Heaven itself without fear or flinching,— and
that our very sense of touch is but a rough and uncertain handling of
perishable things as compared with that sure and delicate contact of
the Soul's personal being with the etheric substances pertaining to
itself. Despite my eager expectation, however, nothing more was
granted to me then but just that exquisite sensation of pure joy,
which like a rain of light bathed every fibre of my being. It was
enough, I told myself—surely enough!—and yet it seemed to me there
should be something more. It was a promise with the fulfilment close
at hand, yet undeclared,—like a snow- white cloud with the sun behind
it. But I was given no solution of the rapturous mystery surrounding
me,—and—granting my soul an absolute freedom, it could plunge no
deeper than through the immensity of stars to immensities still more
profound, there to dream and hope and wait. For years I had done
this,—for years I had worked and prayed, watching the pageant of poor
human pride and vanity drift past me like shadows on the shore of a
dead sea,— succeeding little by little in threading my way through
the closest labyrinths of life, and finding out the beautiful reasons
of living;—and every now and then,—as to-night,—I had felt myself
on the verge of a discovery which in its divine simplicity should make
all problems clear and all difficulties easy, when I had been gently
but firmly held back by a force invisible, and warned, 'Thus far, and
no farther!' To oppose this force or make any personal effort to rebel
against it, is no part of my faith,—therefore at such moments I had
always yielded instantly and obediently as I yielded now. I was not
allowed to fathom the occult source of my happiness, but the happiness
remained,—and when I retired to rest it was with more than ordinary
gratitude that I said my usual brief prayer:—For the day that is
past, I thank Thee, O God my Father! For the night that has come, I
thank Thee! As one with Thee and with Nature I gratefully take the
rest Thou hast lovingly ordained. Whether I sleep or wake my body and
soul are Thine. Do with them as Thou wilt, for Thy command is my joy.
Amen.
I slept as soundly and peacefully as a child, and the next day
started on my journey in the brightest of bright summer weather. A
friend travelled with me—one of those amiable women to whom life is
always pleasant because of the pleasantness in their own natures; she
had taken a house for the season in Inverness-shire, and I had
arranged to join her there when my trip with the Harlands was over,
or rather, I should say, when they had grown weary of me and I of
them. The latter chance was, thought my friend, whom I will call
Francesca, most likely.
"There's no greater boredom,"—she declared—"than the society of
an imaginative invalid. Such company will not be restful to you,—it
will tire you out. Morton Harland himself may be really ill, as he
says—I shouldn't wonder if he is, for he looks it!—but his daughter
has nothing whatever the matter with her,—except nerves."
"Nerves are bad enough,"—I said.
"Nerves can be conquered,"—she answered, with a bright smile of
wholesome conviction—"Nerves are generally—well!—just
selfishness!"
There was some truth in this, but we did not argue the point
further. We were too much engrossed with the interests of our journey
north, and with the entertainment provided for us by our
fellow-travellers. The train for Edinburgh and Glasgow was crowded
with men of that particular social class who find grouse-shooting an
intelligent way of using their brain and muscle, and gun-cases
cumbered the ground in every corner. It wanted yet several days to
the famous Twelfth of August, but the weather was so exceptionally
fine and brilliant that the exodus from town had begun earlier than
was actually necessary for the purposes of slaughter. Francesca and I
studied the faces and figures of our companions with lively and
unabated interest. We had a reserved compartment to ourselves, and
from its secluded privacy we watched the restless pacing up and down
in the adjacent corridor of sundry male creatures who seemed to have
nothing whatever to think about but the day's newspaper, and nothing
to do but smoke.
"I am sure," said Francesca, suddenly—"that in the beginning of
creation we were all beasts and birds of prey, eating each other up
and tearing each other to pieces. The love of prey is in us still."
"Not in you, surely?" I queried, with a smile.
"Oh, I am not talking or thinking of myself. I'm just—a woman. So
are you—a woman—and something more, perhaps—something not like the
rest of us." Here her kind eyes regarded me a trifle wistfully." I
can't quite make you out sometimes,—I wish I could! But—apart from
you and me—look at a few of these men! One has just passed our window
who has the exact physiognomy of a hawk,—cruel eyes and sharp nose
like a voracious beak. Another I noticed a minute ago with a perfectly
pig-like face,—he does not look rightly placed on two legs, his
natural attitude is on four legs, grunting with his snout in the
gutter!"
I laughed.
"You are a severe critic, Francesca!"
"Not I. I'm not criticising at all. But I can't help seeing
resemblances. And sometimes they are quite appalling. Now you, for
instance,"—here she laid a hand tentatively on mine—"you, in your
mysterious ideas of religion, actually believe that persons who lead
evil lives and encourage evil thoughts, descend the scale from which
they have risen and go back to the lowest forms of life—"
"I do believe that certainly"—I answered—"But—"
"'But me no buts,'"—she interrupted—"I tell you there are people
in this world whom I see IN THE VERY ACT OF DESCENDING! And it makes
me grow cold!"
I could well understand her feeling. I had experienced it often.
Nothing has ever filled me with a more hopeless sense of inadequacy
and utter uselessness than to watch, as I am often compelled to
watch, the deplorable results of the determined choice made by
certain human beings to go backward and downward rather than forward
and upward,—a choice in which no outside advice can be of any avail
because they will not take it even if it is offered. It is a life-
and-death matter for their own wills to determine,—and no power,
human or divine, can alter the course they elect to adopt. As well
expect that God would revert His law of gravitation to save the silly
suicide who leaps to destruction from tower or steeple, as that He
would change the eternal working of His higher Spiritual Law to rescue
the resolved Soul which, knowing the difference between good and evil,
deliberately prefers evil. If an angel of light, a veritable 'Son of
the Morning' rebels, he must fall from Heaven. There is no
alternative; until of his own free-will he chooses to rise again.
My friend and I had often talked together on these knotty points
which tangled up what should be the straightness of many a life's
career, and as we mutually knew each other's opinions we did not
discuss them at the moment.
Time passed quickly,—the train rushed farther and farther north,
and by six o'clock on that warm, sunshiny afternoon we were in the
grimy city of Glasgow, from whence we went on to a still grimier
quarter, Greenock, where we put up for the night. The 'best' hotel
was a sorry affair, but we were too tired to mind either a bad dinner
or uncomfortable rooms, and went to bed glad of any place wherein to
sleep. Next morning we woke up very early, refreshed and joyous, in
time to see the sun rise in a warm mist of gold over a huge man-o'-war
outside Greenock harbour,—a sight which, in its way, was very fine
and rather suggestive of a Turner picture.
"Dear old Sol!" said Francesca, shading her eyes as she looked at
the dazzle of glory—"His mission is to sustain life,—and the object
of that war-vessel bathed in all his golden rays is to destroy it.
What unscrupulous villains men are! Why cannot nations resolve on
peace and amity, and if differences arise agree to settle them by
arbitration? It's such a pagan and brutal thing to kill thousands of
innocent men just because Governments quarrel."
"I entirely agree with you,"—I said—"All the same I don't approve
of Governments that preach peace while they drain the people's
pockets for the purpose of increasing armaments, after the German
fashion. Let us be ready with adequate defences,—but it's surely
very foolish to cripple our nation at home by way of preparation for
wars which may never happen."
"And yet they MAY happen!" said Francesca, her eyes still dreamily
watching the sunlit heavens—"Everything in the Universe is engaged
in some sort of a fight, so it seems to me. The tiniest insects are
for ever combating each other. In the very channels of our own blood
the poisonous and non-poisonous germs are constantly striving for the
mastery, and how can we escape the general ordainment? Life itself is
a continual battle between good and evil, and if it were not so we
should have no object in living. The whole business is evidently
intended to be a dose conflict to the end."
"There is no end!" I said.
She looked at me almost compassionately.
"So you imagine!"
I smiled.
"So I KNOW!"
A vague expression flitted over her face,—an expression with which
I had become familiar. She was a most lovable and intelligent
creature, but she could not think very far,—the effort wearied and
perplexed her.
"Well, then, it must be an everlasting skirmish, I suppose!" she
said, laughingly,—"I wonder if our souls will ever get tired!"
"Do you think God ever gets tired?" I asked.
She looked startled,—then amused.
"He ought to!" she declared, with vivacity—"I don't mean to be
irreverent, but really, what with all the living things in all the
millions of worlds trying to get what they ought not to have, and
wailing and howling when they are disappointed of their wishes, He
ought to be very, very tired!"
"But He is not,"—I said;—"If He were, there would indeed be an
end of all! Should the Creator be weary of His work, the work would be
undone. I wish we thought of this more often!"
She put her arm round me kindly.
"You are a strange creature!" she said—"You think a great deal too
much of all these abstruse subjects. After all, I'm glad you are
going on this cruise with the Harland people. They will bring you
down from the spheres with a run! They will, I'm sure! You'll hear no
conversation that does not turn on baths, medicines, massage, and
general cure-alls! And when you come on to stay with me in
Inverness-shire you'll be quite commonplace and sensible!"
I smiled. The dear Francesca always associated 'the commonplace and
sensible' together, as though they were fitted to companion each
other. The complete reverse is, of course, the case, for the
'commonplace' is generally nothing more than the daily routine of
body which is instinctively followed by beasts and birds as equally
as by man, and has no more to do with real 'sense' or pure mentality
than the ticking of a watch has to do with the enormous forces of the
sun. What we call actual 'Sense' is the perception of the Soul,- -a
perception which cannot be limited to things which are merely
material, inasmuch as it passes beyond outward needs and appearances
and reaches to the causes which create those outward needs and
appearances. I was, however, satisfied to leave my friend in
possession of the field of argument, the more readily as our parting
from each other was so near at hand.
We journeyed together by the steamer 'Columba' to Rothesay, where,
on entering the beautiful bay, crowded at this season with pleasure
craft, the first object which attracted our attention was the very
vessel for which I was bound, the 'Diana,' one of the most
magnificent yachts ever built to gratify the whim of a millionaire.
Tourists on board our steamer at once took up positions where they
could obtain the best view of her, and many were the comments we
heard concerning her size and the beauty of her lines as she rode at
anchor on the sunlit water.
"You'll be in a floating palace,"—said Francesca, as we approached
Rothesay pier, and she bade me an affectionate adieu—"Now take care
of yourself, and don't fly away to the moon on what you call an
etheric vibration! Remember, if you get tired of the Harlands to come
to me at once."
I promised, and we parted. On landing at Rothesay I was almost
immediately approached by a sailor from the 'Diana,' who, spying my
name on my luggage, quickly possessed himself of it and told me the
motor launch was in waiting to take me over to the yacht. I was on my
way across the sparkling bay before the 'Columba' started out again
from the pier, and Francesca, standing on the steamer's deck, waved to
me a smiling farewell as I went. In about ten minutes I was on board
the 'Diana,' shaking hands with Morton Harland and his daughter
Catherine, who, wrapped up in shawls on a deck chair, looked as though
she were guarding herself from the chills of a rigorous winter rather
than basking in the warm sunshine of a summer morning.
"You look very well!"—she said, in tones of plaintive amiability—
"And so wonderfully bright!"
"It's such a bright day,"—I answered, feeling as if I ought
somehow to apologise for a healthy appearance, "One can't help being
happy!"
She sighed and smiled faintly, and her maid appearing at that
moment to take my travelling bag and wraps, I was shown the cabin, or
rather the state-room which was to be mine during the cruise. It was
a luxurious double apartment, bedroom and sitting-room together,
divided only by the hanging folds of a rich crimson silk curtain, and
exquisitely fitted with white enamelled furniture ornamented with
hand-wrought silver. The bed had no resemblance whatever to a ship's
berth, but was an elaborate full-sized affair, canopied in white silk
embroidered with roses; the carpet was of a thick softness into which
my feet sank as though it were moss, and a tall silver and crystal
vase, full of gorgeous roses, was placed at the foot of a standing
mirror framed in silver, so that the blossoms were reflected double.
The sitting-room was provided with easy chairs, a writing-table, and a
small piano, and here, too, masses of roses showed their fair faces
from every corner. It was all so charming that I could not help
uttering an exclamation of delight, and the maid who was unpacking my
things smiled sympathetically.
"It's perfectly lovely!" I said, turning to her with eagerness—
"It's quite a little fairyland! But isn't this Miss Harland's cabin?"
"Oh dear no, miss,"—she replied—"Miss Harland wouldn't have all
these things about her on any account. There are no carpets or
curtains in Miss Harland's rooms. She thinks them very unhealthy. She
has only a bit of matting on the floor, and an iron bedstead— all
very plain. And as for roses!—she wouldn't have a rose near her for
ever so!—she can't bear the smell of them."
I made no comment. I was too enchanted with my surroundings for the
moment to consider how uncomfortable my hostess chose to make
herself.
"Who arranged these rooms?" I asked.
"Mr. Harland gave orders to the steward to make them as pretty as
he could,"—said the maid—"John" and she blushed—"has a lot of
taste."
I smiled. I saw at once how matters were between her and "John."
Just then there was a sound of thudding and grinding above my head,
and I realised that we were beginning to weigh anchor. Quickly tying
on my yachting cap and veil, I hurried on deck, and was soon standing
beside my host, who seemed pleased at the alacrity with which I had
joined him, and I watched with feelings of indescribable exhilaration
the 'Diana' being loosed from her moorings. Steam was up, and in a
very short time her bowsprit swung round and pointed outward from the
bay. Quivering like an eager race-horse ready to start, she sprang
forward; and then, with a stately sweeping curve, glided across the
water, catting it into bright wavelets with her sword-like keel and
churning a path behind her of opalescent foam. We were off on our
voyage of pleasure at last,—a voyage which the Fates had determined
should, for one adventurer at least, lead to strange regions as yet
unexplored. But no premonitory sign was given to me, or suggestion
that I might be the one chosen to sail 'the perilous seas of fairy
lands forlorn'—for in spiritual things of high import, the soul that
is most concerned is always the least expectant.
I was introduced that evening at dinner to Mr. Harland's physician,
and also to his private secretary. I was not greatly prepossessed in
favour of either of these gentlemen. Dr. Brayle was a dark, slim,
clean-shaven man of middle age with expressionless brown eyes and
sleek black hair which was carefully brushed and parted down the
middle,—he was quiet and self-contained in manner, and yet I thought
I could see that he was fully alive to the advantages of his position
as travelling medical adviser to an American millionaire. I have not
mentioned till now that Morton Harland was an American. I was always
rather in the habit of forgetting the fact, as he had long ago
forsworn his nationality and had naturalised himself as a British
subject. But he had made his vast fortune in America, and was still
the controlling magnate of many large financial interests in the
States. He was, however, much more English than American, for he had
been educated at Oxford, and as a young man had been always associated
with English society and English ways. He had married an English wife,
who died when their first child, his daughter, was born, and he was
wont to set down all Miss Catherine's mopish languors to a delicacy
inherited from her mother, and to lack of a mother's care in
childhood. In my opinion Catherine was robust enough, but it was
evident that from a very early age she had been given her own way to
the fullest extent, and had been so accustomed to have every little
ailment exaggerated and made the most of that she had grown to believe
health of body and mind as well-nigh impossible to the human being.
Dr. Brayle, I soon perceived, lent himself to this attitude, and I did
not like the covert gleam of his mahogany-coloured eyes as he glanced
rapidly from father to daughter in the pauses of conversation,
watching them as narrowly as a cat might watch a couple of unwary
mice. The secretary, Mr. Swinton, was a pale, precise-looking young
man with a somewhat servile demeanour, under which he concealed an
inordinately good opinion of himself. His ideas were centred in and
bounded by the art of stenography,—he was an adept in shorthand and
typewriting, could jot down, I forget how many crowds of jostling
words a minute, and never made a mistake. He was a clock-work model of
punctuality and dispatch, of respectfulness and obedience,—but he was
no more than a machine,— he could not be moved to a spontaneous
utterance or a spontaneous smile, unless both smile and utterance were
the result of some pleasantness affecting himself. Neither Dr. Brayle
nor Mr. Swinton were men whom one could positively like or
dislike,—they simply had the power of creating an atmosphere in which
my spirit found itself swimming like a gold-fish in a bowl, wondering
how it got in and how it could get out.
As I sat rather silently at table I felt, rather than saw, Dr.
Brayle regarding me with a kind of perplexed curiosity. I was as
fully aware of his sensations as of my own,—I knew that my presence
irritated him, though he was not clever enough to explain even to
himself the cause of his irritation. So far as Mr. Swinton was
concerned, he was comfortably wrapped up in a pachydermatous hide of
self-appreciation, so that he thought nothing about me one way or the
other except as a guest of his patrons, and one therefore to whom he
was bound to be civil. But with Dr. Brayle it was otherwise. I was a
puzzle to him, and—after a brief study of me—an annoyance. He forced
himself into conversation with me, however, and we interchanged a few
remarks on the weather and on the various beauties of the coast along
which we had been sailing all day.
"I see that you care very much for fine scenery," he said—"Few
women do."
"Really?" And I smiled. "Is admiration of the beautiful a special
privilege of men only?"
"It should be,"—he answered, with a little bow—"We are the
admirers of your sex."
I made no answer. Mr. Harland looked at me with a somewhat
quizzical air.
"You are not a believer in compliments," he said.
"Was it a compliment?" I asked, laughingly—"I'm afraid I'm very
dense! I did not see that it was meant as one."
Dr. Brayle's dark brows drew together in a slight frown. With that
expression on his face he looked very much like an Italian poisoner
of old time,—the kind of man whom Caesar Borgia might have employed
to give the happy dispatch to his enemies by some sure and
undiscoverable means known only to intricate chemistry.
Presently Mr. Harland spoke again, while he peeled a pear slowly
and delicately with a deft movement of his fruit knife that suggested
cruelty and the flaying alive of some sentient thing.
"Our little friend is of a rather strange disposition," he
observed- -"She has the indifference of an old-world philosopher to
the saying of speeches that are merely socially agreeable. She is
ardent in soul, but suspicious in mind! She imagines that a pleasant
word may often be used to cover a treacherous action, and if a man is
as rude and blunt as myself, for example, she prefers that he should
be rude and blunt rather than that he should attempt to conceal his
roughness by an amiability which it is not his nature to feel." Here
he looked up at me from the careful scrutiny of his nearly flayed
pear. "Isn't that so?"
"Certainly,"—I answered—"But that's not a 'strange' or original
attitude of mind."
The corners of his ugly mouth curled satirically.
"Pardon me, dear lady, it is! The normal and strictly reasonable
attitude of the healthy human Pigmy is that It should accept as
gospel all that It is told of a nature soothing and agreeable to
Itself. It should believe, among other things, that It is a very
precious Pigmy among natural forces, destined to be immortal, and to
share with Divine Intelligence the privileges of Heaven. Put out by
the merest trifle, troubled by a spasm, driven almost to howling by a
toothache, and generally helpless in all very aggravated adverse
circumstances, It should still console Itself with the idea that Its
being, Its proportions and perfections are superb enough to draw down
Deity into a human shape as a creature of human necessities in order
that It, the Pigmy, should claim kinship with the Divine now and for
ever! What gorgeous blasphemy in such a scheme!—what magnificent
arrogance!" I was silent, but I could almost hear my heart beating
with suppressed emotion. I knew Morton Harland was an atheist, so far
as atheism is possible to any creature born of spirit as well as
matter, but I did not think he would air his opinions so openly and at
once before me the first evening of my stay on board his yacht. I saw,
however, that he spoke in this way hoping to move me to an answering
argument for the amusement of himself and the other two men present,
and therefore I did what was incumbent upon me to do in such a
situation—held my peace. Dr. Brayle watched me curiously,—and poor
Catherine Harland turned her plaintive eyes upon me full of alarm. She
had learned to dread her father's fondness for starting topics which
led to religious discussions of a somewhat heated nature. But as I did
not speak, Mr. Harland was placed in the embarrassing position of a
person propounding a theory which no one shows any eagerness to accept
or to deny, and, looking slightly confused, he went on in a lighter
and more casual way—
"I had a friend once at Oxford,—a wonderful fellow, full of
strange dreams and occult fancies. He was one of those who believed in
the Divine half of man. He used to study curious old books and
manuscripts till long past midnight, and never seemed tired. His
father had lived by choice in some desert corner of Egypt for forty
years, and in Egypt this boy had been born. Of his mother he never
spoke. His father died suddenly and left him a large fortune under
trustees till he came of age, with instructions that he was to be
taken to England and educated at Oxford, and that when he came into
possession of his money, he was to be left free to do as he liked
with it. I met him when he was almost half-way through his University
course. I was only two or three years his senior, but he always looked
much younger than I. And he was, as we all said, 'uncanny '—as
uncanny as our little friend,"—here indicating me by a nod of his
head and a smile which was meant to be kindly—"He never practised or
'trained' for anything and yet all things came easily to him. He was
as magnificent in his sports as he was in his studies, and I
remember—how well I remember it!—that there came a time at last when
we all grew afraid of him. If we saw him coming along the 'High' we
avoided him,—he had something of terror as well as admiration for
us,—and though I was of his college and constantly thrown into
association with him, I soon became infected with the general scare.
One night he stopped me in the quadrangle where he had his rooms—"
Here Mr. Harland broke off suddenly.
"I'm boring you,"—he said—"I really have no business to inflict
the recollections of my youth upon you."
Dr. Brayle's brown eyes showed a glistening animal interest.
"Pray go on!" he urged—"It sounds like the chapter of a romance."
"I'm not a believer in romance,"—said Mr. Harland, grimly—"Facts
are enough in themselves without any embroidered additions. This
fellow was a Fact,—a healthy, strong, energetic, living Fact. He
stopped me in the quadrangle as I tell you,—and he laid his hand on
my shoulder. I shrank from his touch, and had a restless desire to
get away from him. 'What's the matter with you, Harland?' he said, in
a grave, musical voice that was peculiarly his own—'You seem afraid
of me. If you are, the fault is in yourself, not in me!' I shuffled my
feet about on the stone pavement, not knowing what to say—then I
stammered out the foolish excuses young men make when they find
themselves in an awkward corner. He listened to my stammering remarks
about 'the other fellows' with attentive patience,—then he took his
hand from my shoulder with a quick, decisive movement. 'Look here,
Harland'—he said—'You are taking up all the conventions and
traditions with which our poor old Alma Mater is encrusted, and
sticking them over you like burrs. They'll cling, remember! It's a
pity you choose this way of going,—I'm starting at the farther
end—where Oxford leaves off and Life begins!' I suppose I stared—for
he went on—'I mean Life that goes forward,—not Life that goes
backward, picking up the stale crumbs fallen from centuries that have
finished their banquet and passed on. There!—I won't detain you! We
shall not meet often—but don't forget what I have said,—that if you
are afraid of me, or of any other man, or of any existing thing,—the
fault is in yourself, not in the persons or objects you fear.' 'I
don't see it,' I blurted out, angrily—'What of the other fellows?
They think you're queer!' He laughed. 'Bless the other fellows!' he
said—'They're with you in the same boat! They think me queer because
THEY are queer—that is,- -out of line—themselves.' I was irritated
by his easy indifference and asked him what he meant by 'out of line.'
'Suppose you see a beautiful garden harmoniously planned,' he said,
still smiling, 'and some clumsy fellow comes along and puts a crooked
pigstye up among the flower beds, you would call that "out of line,"
wouldn't you? Unsuitable, to say the least of it?' 'Oh!' I said,
hotly—'So you consider me and my friends crooked pigstyes in your
landscape?' He made me a gay, half apologetic gesture. 'Something of
the type, dear boy!' he said—'But don't worry! The crooked pigstye is
always a most popular kind of building in the world you will live in!'
With that he bade me good-night, and went. I was very angry with him,
for I was a conceited youth and thought myself and my particular
associates the very cream of Oxford,—but he took all the highest
honours that year, and when he finally left the University he
vanished, so to speak, in a blaze of intellectual glory. I have never
seen him again—and never heard of him—and so I suppose his studies
led him nowhere. He must be an elderly man now,—he may be lame,
blind, lunatic, or what is more probable still, he may be dead, and I
don't know why I think of him except that his theories were much the
same as those of our little friend,"—again indicating me by a
nod—"He never cared for agreeable speeches,—always rather mistrusted
social conventions, and believed in a Higher Life after Death."
"Or a Lower,"—I put in, quietly.
"Ah yes! There must be a Down grade, of course, if there is an Up.
The two would be part of each other's existence. But as I accept
neither, the point does not matter."
I looked at him, and I suppose my looks expressed wonder or pity or
both, for he averted his glance from mine.
"You are something of a spiritualist, I believe?"—said Dr. Brayle,
lifting his hard eyes from the scrutiny of the tablecloth and fixing
them upon me.
"Not at all,"—I answered, at once, and with emphasis. "That is, if
you mean by the term 'spiritualist' a credulous person who believes
in mediumistic trickery, automatic writing and the like. That is
sheer nonsense and self-deception."
"Several experienced scientists give these matters considerable
attention,"—suggested Mr. Swinton, primly.
I smiled.
"Science, like everything else, has its borderland," I said—"from
which the brain can easily slip off into chaos. The most approved
scientific professors are liable to this dire end of their
speculations. They forget that in order to understand the Infinite
they must first be sure of the Infinite in themselves."
"You speak like an oracle, fair lady!"—said Mr. Harland—"But
despite your sage utterances Man remains as finite as ever."
"If he chooses the finite state certainly he does,"—I
answered—"He is always what he elects to be."
Mr. Harland seemed desirous of continuing the argument, but I would
say no more. The topic was too serious and sacred with me to allow it
to be lightly discussed by persons whose attitude of mind was
distinctly opposed and antipathetic to all things beyond the merely
mundane.
After dinner, Miss Catherine professed herself to be suffering from
neuralgia, and gathering up her shawls and wraps asked me to excuse
her for going to bed early. I bade her good-night, and, leaving my
host and the two other men to their smoke, I went up on deck. We were
anchored off Mull, and against a starlit sky of exceptional clearness
the dark mountains of Morven were outlined with a softness as of black
velvet. The yacht rested on perfectly calm waters, shining like
polished steel,—and the warm stillness of the summer night was
deliciously soothing and restful. Our captain and one or two of the
sailors were about on duty, and I sat in the stern of the vessel
looking up into the glorious heavens. The tapering bow-sprit of the
'Diana' pointed aloft as it were into a woven web of stars, and I lost
myself in imaginary flight among those glittering unknown worlds,
oblivious of my material surroundings, and forgetting that despite the
splendid evidences of a governing Intelligence in the beauty and order
of the Universe spread about them every day, my companions in the
journey of pleasure we were undertaking together were actually
destitute of all faith in God, and had less perception of the existing
Divine than the humblest plant may possess that instinctively forces
its way upward to the light. I did not think of this,—it was no use
thinking about it as I could not better the position,—but I found
myself curiously considering the story Mr. Harland had told about his
college friend at Oxford. I tried to picture his face and figure till
presently it seemed as if I saw him,—indeed I could have sworn that a
man's shadowy form stood immediately in front of me, bending upon me a
searching glance from eyes that were strangely familiar. Startled at
this wraith of my own fancy, I half rose from my chair—then sank back
again with a laugh at my imagination's too vivid power of portrayal. A
figure did certainly present itself, but one of sufficient bulk to
convince me of its substantiality. This was the captain of the
'Diana,' a cheery-looking personage of a thoroughly nautical type,
who, approaching me, lifted his cap and said:
"That's a wonderfully fine yacht that has just dropped anchor
behind us. She's illuminated, too. Have you seen her?"
"No," I answered, and turned in the direction he indicated. An
involuntary exclamation escaped me. There, about half a mile to our
rear, floated a schooner of exquisite proportions and fairy-like
grace, outlined from stem to stern by delicate borderings of electric
light as though decorated for some great festival, and making quite a
glittering spectacle in the darkness of the deepening night. We could
see active figures at work on deck—the sails were dropped and quickly
furled,—but the quivering radiance remained running up every tapering
mast and spar, so that the whole vessel seemed drawn on the dusky air
with pencil points of fire. I stood up, gazing at the wonderful sight
in silent amazement and admiration, with the captain beside me, and it
was he who first spoke.
"I can't make her out,"—he said, perplexedly,—"We never heard a
sound except just when she dropped anchor, and that was almost
noiseless. How she came round the point yonder so suddenly is a
mystery! I was keeping a sharp look-out, too."
"Surely she's very large for a sailing vessel?" I queried.
"The largest I've ever seen,"—he replied—"But how did she sail?
That's what I want to know!"
He looked so puzzled that I laughed.
"Well, I suppose in the usual way,"—I said—"With sails."
"Ay, that's all very well!"—and he glanced at me with a
compassionate air as at one who knew nothing about seafaring—"But
sails must have wind, and there hasn't been a capful all the
afternoon or evening. Yet she came in with crowded canvas full out as
if there was a regular sou'wester, and found her anchorage as easy as
you please. All in a minute, too. If there was a wind it wasn't a wind
belonging to this world! Wouldn't Mr. Harland perhaps like to see
her?"
I took the hint and ran down into the saloon, which by this time
was full of the stifling odours of smoke and whisky. Mr. Harland was
there, drinking and talking somewhat excitedly with Dr. Brayle, while
his secretary listened and looked on. I explained why I had ventured
to interrupt their conversation, and they accompanied me up on deck.
The strange yacht looked more bewilderingly brilliant than ever, the
heavens having somewhat clouded over, and as we all, the captain
included, leaned over our own deck rail and gazed at her shining
outlines, we heard the sound of delicious music and singing floating
across the quiet sea.
"Some millionaire's toy,"—said Mr. Harland—"She's floating from
the mysterious yacht." It was a music full of haunting sweetness and
rhythmic melody, and I was not sure whether it was evolved from
stringed instruments or singing voices. By climbing up on the sofa in
my sitting-room I could look out through the port-hole on the near
sea, rippling close to me, and bringing, as I fancied, with every
ripple a new cadence, a tenderer snatch of tune. A subtle scent was on
the salt air, as of roses mingling with the freshness of the scarcely
moving waters,—it came, I thought, from the beautiful blossoms which
so lavishly adorned my rooms. I could not see the yacht from my point
of observation, but I could hear the music she had on board, and that
was enough for immediate delight.
Leaving the port-hole open, I lay down on the sofa immediately
beneath it and comprised myself to listen. The soft breath of the sea
blew on my cheeks, and with every breath the delicate vibrations of
appealing harmony rose and fell—it was as if these enchanting sounds
were being played or sung for me alone. In a delicious languor I
drowsed, as it were, with my eyes open,—losing myself in a labyrinth
of happy dreams and fancies which came to me unbidden,— till
presently the music died softly away like a retreating wave and ceased
altogether. I waited a few minutes—listening breathlessly lest it
should begin again and I lose some note of it,—then hearing no more,
I softly closed the port-hole and drew the curtain. I did this with an
odd reluctance, feeling somehow that I had shut out a friend; and I
half apologised to this vague sentiment by reminding myself of the
lateness of the hour. It was nearly midnight. I had intended writing
to Francesca,—but I was now disinclined for anything but rest. The
music which had so entranced me throbbed still in my ears and made my
heart beat with a quick sense of joy,- children—there may be several
inoffensive reasons for his lighting up, and he may think no more of
advertisement than you or I."
"That's true,"—assented Dr. Brayle, with a quick concession to his
patron's humour. "But people nowadays do so many queer things for
mere notoriety's sake that it is barely possible to avoid suspecting
them. They will even kill themselves in order to be talked about."
"Fortunately they don't hear what's said of them,"—returned Mr.
Harland—"or they might alter their minds and remain alive. It's
hardly worth while to hang yourself in order to be called a fool!"
While this talk went on I remained silent, watching the illuminated
schooner with absorbed fascination. Suddenly, while I still gazed
upon her, every spark with which she was, as it were, bejewelled,
went out, and only the ordinary lamps common to the watches of the
night on board a vessel at anchorage burned dimly here and there like
red winking eyes. For the rest, she was barely visible save by an
indistinct tracery of blurred black lines. The swiftness with which
her brilliancy had been eclipsed startled us all and drew from Captain
Derrick the remark that it was 'rather queer.'
"What pantomimists call a 'quick change'"—said Mr. Harland, with a
laugh—"The show is over for to-night. Let us turn in. To-morrow
morning we'll try and make acquaintance with the stranger, and find
out for Captain Derrick's comfort how she managed to sail without
wind!"
We bade each other good-night then, and descended to our several
quarters.
When I found myself alone in the luxurious state-room 'suite'
allotted to me, the first thing I did was to open one of the port-
holes and listen to the music which still came superbly built,—
sailing vessels are always more elegant than steam, though not half
so useful. I expect she'll lie becalmed here for a day or two."
"It's a wonder she's got round here at all,"—said the captain—
"There wasn't any wind to bring her."
Mr. Harland looked amused.
"There must have been SOME wind, Derrick,"—he answered—"Only it
wasn't boisterous enough for a hardy salt like you to feel it."
"There wasn't a breath,"—declared Derrick, firmly—"Not enough to
blow a baby's curl."
"Then how did she get here?" asked Dr. Brayle.
Captain Derrick's lifted eyebrows expressed his inability to solve
the enigma.
"I said just now if there was a wind it wasn't a wind belonging to
this world—"
Mr. Harland turned upon him quickly.
"Well, there are no winds belonging to other worlds that will ever
disturb OUR atmosphere,"—he said—"Come, come, Derrick, you don't
think that yacht is a ghost, do you?—a sort of 'Flying Dutchman'
spectre?"
Captain Derrick smiled broadly.
"No, sir—I don't! There's flesh and blood aboard—I've seen the
men hauling down canvas, and I know that. But the way she sailed in
bothers me."
"All that electric light is rather ostentatious,"—said Dr.
Brayle— "I suppose the owner wants to advertise his riches."
"That doesn't follow," said Mr. Harland, with some sharpness—"I
grant you we live in an advertising age, but I don't fancy the owner
of that vessel is a Pill or a Plaster or even a Special Tea. He may
want to amuse himself—it may be the birthday of his wife or one of
his and a warm atmosphere of peace and comfort came over me when at
last I lay down in my luxurious bed, and slipped away into the land
of sleep. Ah, what a land it is, that magic Land of Sleep!—a land
'shadowing with wings,' where amid many shifting and shimmering
wonders of darkness and light, the Palace of Vision stands uplifted,
stately and beautiful, with golden doors set open to the wanderer! I
made my entrance there that night;—often and often as I had been
within its enchanted precincts before, there were a million halls of
marvel as yet unvisited,—and among these I found myself,—under a
dome which seemed of purest crystal lit with fire,—listening to One
invisible, who,—speaking as from a great height, discoursed to me of
Love."
The Voice that spoke to me was silvery clear, and fell as it were
through the air, dividing space with sweetness. It was soft and
resonant, and the thrill of tenderness within it was as though an
angel sang through tears. Never had I heard anything so divinely pure
and compassionate,—and all my being strove to lift itself towards
that supernal height which seemed to be the hidden source of its
melodious utterance.
"O Soul, wandering in the region of sleep and dreams!" said the
Voice,—"What is all thy searching and labour worth without Love? Why
art thou lost in a Silence without Song?"
I raised my eyes, seeking for the one who thus spoke to me, but
could see nothing.
"In Life's great choral symphony"—the Voice continued—"the
keynote of the dominant melody is Love! Without the keynote there can
be no music,—there is dumbness where there should be sound,—there is
discord where there should be harmony. Love!—the one vibrant tone to
which the whole universe moves in tune,—Love, the breath of God, the
pulsation of His Being, the glory of His work, the fulfilment of His
Eternal Joy,—Love, and Love alone, is the web and texture and garment
of happy Immortality! O Soul that seekest the way to wisdom and to
power, what dost thou make of Love?"
I trembled and stood mute. It seemed that I was surrounded by
solemn Presences whose nearness I could feel but not see, and
unknowing who it was that spoke to me, I was afraid to answer.
"Far in the Past, thousands of ages ago," went on the Voice—"the
world we call the Sorrowful Star was a perfect note in a perfect
scale. It was in tune with the Divine Symphony. But with the sweep of
centuries it has lagged behind; it has fallen from Light into Shadow.
And rather than rise to Light again, it has made of itself a discord
opposed to the eternal Harmony. It has chosen for its keynote
Hate,—not Love! Each nation envies or despises the other,— each man
struggles against his fellow-man and grudges his neighbour every small
advantage,—and more than all, each Creed curses the other,
blasphemously calling upon God to verify and fulfil the curse! Hate,
not Love!—this is the false note struck by the pitiful Earth-world
to-day, swinging out of all concordance with spherical
sweetness!—Hate that prefers falsehood to truth, malice to kindness,
selfishness to generosity! O Sorrowful Star!—doomed so soon to
perish!—turn, turn, even in thy last moments, back to the Divine
Ascendant before it is too late!"
I listened,—and a sense of hopeless fear possessed me. I tried to
speak, and a faint whisper crept from my lips. "Why,"—I murmured to
myself, for I did not suppose anyone could or would hear me—"why
should we and our world perish? We knew so little at the beginning,
and we know so little now,—is it altogether our fault if we have
lost our way?"
A silence followed. A vague, impalpable sense of restraint and
captivity seemed closing me in on every side,—I was imprisoned, as I
thought, within invisible walls. Then all at once this density of
atmosphere was struck asunder by a dazzling light as of cloven wings,
but I could see no actual shape or even suggestion of substance—the
glowing rays were all. And the Voice spoke again with grave sweetness
and something of reproach.
"Who speaks of losing the way?" it asked—"when the way is, and has
ever been, clear and plain? Nature teaches it,—Law and Order support
it. Obey and ye shall live: disobey and ye shall die! There is no
other ruling than this out of Chaos! Who is it that speaks of losing
the way, when the way is, and has been and ever shall be, clear and
plain?"
I stretched out my hands involuntarily. My eyes filled with tears.
"O Angel invisible!" I prayed—"Forgive my weakness and unwisdom!
How can the world be saved or comforted by a Love it never finds!"
Again a silence. Again that dazzling, quivering radiance, flashing
as in an atmosphere of powdered gold.
"What does the world seek most ardently?" it demanded—"The Love of
God?—or the Love of Self? If it seeks the first, all things in
heaven and earth shall be added to its desire—if the second, all
shall be taken from it, even that which it hath!"
I had, as I thought, no answer to give, but I covered my weeping
eyes with both hands and knelt before the unseen speaker as to some
great Spirit enthroned.
"Love is not Love that loves Itself,"—went on the Voice—"Self is
the Image, not the God. Wouldst thou have Eternal Life? Then find the
secret in Eternal Love!—'Love, which can move worlds and create
universes,—the love of soul for soul, angel for angel, god for god!"
I raised my head, and, uncovering my eyes, looked up. But I could
see nothing save that all-penetrating light which imprisoned me as it
were in a circle of fire.
"Love is that Power which clasps the things of eternity and makes
them all its own,"—said the Voice in stronger tones of deeper
music—"It builds its solar system, its stars, its planets with a
thought!—it wakes all beauty, all delight with a smile!—it lives
not only now, but for ever, in a heaven of pure joy where every
thousand years is but one summer day! To Love there is no time, no
space, no age, no death!—what it gives it receives again,—what it
longs for comes to it without seeking—God withholds nothing from the
faithful soul!"
I still knelt, wondering if these words were intended only for me
or for some other listener, for I could not now feel sure that I was
without a companion in this strange experience.
"There is only one Way of Life,"—went on the Voice—"Only one
way— the Way of Love! Whosoever loves greatly lives greatly;
whosoever misprizes Love is dead though living. Give all thy heart and
soul to Love if thou wouldst be immortal!—for without Love thou mayst
seek God through all Eternity and never find Him!"
I waited,—there was a brief silence. Then a sudden wave of music
broke upon my ears,—a breaking foam of rhythmic melody that rose and
fell in a measured cadence of solemn sound. Raising my eyes in fear
and awe, I saw the lambent light around me begin to separate into
countless gradations of delicate colour till presently it resembled a
close and brilliant network of rainbow tints intermingled with purest
gold. It was as if millions of lines had been drawn with exquisite
fineness and precision so as to cause intersection or 'reciprocal
meeting' at given points of calculation, and these changed into
various dazzling forms too brilliant for even my dreaming sight to
follow. Yet I felt myself compelled to study one particular section of
these lines which shone before me in a kind of pale brightness, and
while I looked it varied to more and more complex 'moods' of colour
and light, if one might so express it, till, by gradual degrees, it
returned again to the simpler combination.
"Thus are the destinies of human lives woven and interwoven,"—said
the Voice—"From infinite and endless points of light they grow and
part and mingle together, till the destined two are one. Often they
are entangled and disturbed by influences not their own—but from
interference which through weakness or fear they have themselves
permitted. But the tangle is for ever unravelled by Time,—the parted
threads are brought together again in the eternal weaving of Spirit
and Matter. No power, human or divine, can entirely separate the lives
which God has ordained shall come together. Man's ordainment is not
God's ordainment! Wrong threads in the weaving are broken—no matter
how,—no matter when! Love must be tender yet resolved!—Love must not
swerve from its given pledge!—Love must be All or Nothing!"
The light network of living golden rays still quivered before my
eyes, till all at once they seemed to change to a rippling sea of
fine flame with waves that gently swayed to and fro, tipped with
foam-crests of prismatic hue like broken rainbows. Wave after wave
swept forward and broke in bright amethystine spray close to me where
I knelt, and as I watched this moving mass of radiant colour in
absorbed fascination, one wave, brilliant as the flush of a summer's
dawn, rippled towards me, and then gently retiring, left a single
rose, crimson and fragrant, close within my reach. I stooped and
caught it quickly—surely it was a real rose from some dewy garden of
the earth, and no dream!
"One rose from all the roses in Heaven!" said the mystic Voice, in
tones of enthralling sweetness—"One—fadeless and immortal!—only
one, but sufficient for all! One love from all the million loves of
men and women—one, but enough for Eternity! How long the rose has
awaited its flowering,—how long the love has awaited its
fulfilment—only the recording angels know! Such roses bloom but once
in the wilderness of space and time; such love comes but once in a
Universe of worlds!"
I listened, trembling; I held the rose against my breast between my
clasped hands.
"O Sorrowful Star!" went on the Voice—"What shall become of thee
if thou forsakest the way of Love! O little Sphere of beauty and
delight, why are thy people so blind! O that their eyes were lifted
unto Heaven!—their hearts to joy!—their souls to love! Who is it
that darkens life with sorrow?—who is it that creates the delusion
of death?"
I found my speech suddenly.
"Nay, surely,"—I said, half whispering—"We must all die!"
"Not so!" and the mystic Voice rang out imperatively—"There is no
death! For God is alive!—and from Him Life only can emanate!"
I held my peace, moved by a sudden sweet awe.
"From Eternal Life no death can come,"—continued the Voice—"from
Eternal Love flows Eternal Joy. Change there is,—change there must
be to higher forms and higher planes,—but Life and Love remain as
they are, indestructible—'the same yesterday, to-day, and for
ever!'"
I bent my face over the rose against my breast,—its perfume was
deliciously soft and penetrating, and half unconsciously I kissed its
velvet petals. As I did this a swift and dazzling radiance poured
shower-like through the air, and again I heard mysterious chords of
rhythmic melody rising and falling like distant waves of the sea. The
grave, tender Voice spoke once again:
"Rise and go hence!" it said, in tones of thrilling gentleness—
"Keep the gift God sends thee!—take that which is thine! Meet that
which hath sought thee sorrowing for many centuries! Turn not aside
again, neither by thine own will nor by the will of others, lest old
errors prevail! Pass from vision into waking!—from night to day!—
from seeming death to life!—from loneliness to love!—and keep
within thy heart the message of a Dream!"
The light beating about me like curved wings slowly paled and as
slowly vanished—yet I felt that I must still kneel and wait. This
atmosphere of awe and trembling gradually passed away,—and then,
rising as I thought, and holding the mystic rose with one hand still
against my breast, I turned to feel my way through the darkness which
now encompassed me. As I did this my other hand was caught by someone
in a warm, eager clasp, and I was guided along with an infinitely
tender yet masterful touch which I had no hesitation in obeying. Step
by step I moved with a strange sense of happy reliance on my unseen
companion—darkness or distance had no terrors for me. And as I Went
onward with my hand held firmly in that close yet gentle grasp, my
thoughts became as it were suddenly cleared into a heaven of
comprehension—I looked back upon years of work spread out like an
arid desert uncheered by any spring of sweet water—and I saw all that
my life had lacked—all to which I had unconsciously pressed forward
longingly without any distinct recognition of my own aims, and only
trusting to the infinite powers of God and Nature to amend my
incompleteness by the perfection of the everlasting Whole. And
now—had the answer come? At any rate, I felt I was no longer alone.
Someone who seemed the natural other half of myself was beside me in
the shadows of sleep—I could have spoken, but would not, for fear of
breaking the charm.
And so I went on and on, caring little how long the journey might
be, and even vaguely wishing it might continue for ever,—when
presently a faint light began to peer through the gloom—I saw a
glimmer of blue and grey, then white, then rose-colour—and I awoke-
-to find nothing of a visionary character about me unless perhaps a
shaft of early morning sunshine streaming through the port-hole of my
cabin could be called a reflex of the mystic glory which had
surrounded me in sleep. I then remembered where I was,—yet I was so
convinced of the reality of what I had seen and heard that I looked
about me everywhere for that lovely crimson rose I had brought away
with me from Dreamland—for I could actually feel its stem still
between my fingers. It was not to be seen—but there was delicate
fragrance on the air as if it were blooming near me—a fragrance so
fine that nothing could describe its subtly pervading odour. Every
word spoken by the Voice of my dream was vividly impressed on my
brain, and more vivid still was the recollection of the hand that had
clasped mine and led me out of sleep to waking. I was conscious of its
warmth yet,—and I was troubled, even while I was soothed, by the
memory of the lingering caress with which it had been at last
withdrawn. And I wondered as I lay for a few moments in my bed inert,
and thinking of all that had chanced to me in the night, whether the
long earnest patience of my soul, ever turned as it had been for years
towards the attainment of a love higher than all earthly attraction,
was now about to be recompensed? I knew, and had always known, that
whatsoever we strongly WILL to possess comes to us in due season; and
that steadily resolved prayers are always granted; the only drawback
to the exertion of this power is the doubt as to whether the thing we
desire so ardently will work us good or ill. For there is no question
but that what we seek we shall find. I had sought long and
unwearyingly for the clue to the secret of life imperishable and love
eternal,—was the mystery about to be unveiled? I could not tell—and
I dare not humour the mere thought too long. Shaking my mind free from
the web of marvel and perplexity in which it had been caught by the
visions of the night, I placed myself in a passively receptive
attitude—demanding nothing, fearing nothing, hoping nothing—but
simply content with actual Life, feeling Life to be the outcome and
expression of perfect Love.
It was a glorious morning, and so warm that I went up on deck
without any hat or cloak, glad to have the sunlight playing on my
hair and the soft breeze blowing on my face. The scene was perfectly
enchanting; the mountains were bathed in a delicate rose-purple glow
reflected from the past pomp of the sun's rising,—the water was
still as an inland lake, and every mast and spar of the 'Diana' was
reflected in it as in a mirror. A flock of sea-gulls floated round
our vessel, like fairy boats—some of them rising every now and then
with eager cries to wing their graceful flight high through the calm
air, and alight again with a flash of silver pinions on the
translucent blue. While I stood gazing in absorbed delight at the
beauty which everywhere surrounded me, Captain Derrick called to me
from his little bridge, where he stood with folded arms, looking
down.
"Good morning! What do you think of the mystery now?"
"Mystery?" And then his meaning flashed upon me. "Oh, the yacht
that anchored near us last night! Where is she?"
"Just so!" And the captain's look expressed volumes—"Where is
she?"
Oddly enough, I had not thought of the stranger vessel till this
moment, though the music sounding from her deck had been the last
thing which had haunted my ears before I had slept—and dreamed! And
now—she was gone! There was not a sign of her anywhere.
I looked up at the captain on his bridge and smiled. "She must have
started very early!" I said.
The captain's fuzzy brows met portentously.
"Ay! Very early! So early that the watch never saw her go. He must
have missed an hour and she must have gained one."
"It's rather strange, isn't it?" I said—"May I come on the
bridge?"
"Certainly."
I ran up the little steps and stood beside him, looking out to the
farthest line of sea and sky.
"What do you think about it?" I asked, laughingly, "Was she a real
yacht or a ghost?"
The captain did not smile. His brow was furrowed with perplexed
consideration.
"She wasn't a ghost," he said—"but her ways were ghostly. That is,
she made no noise,—and she sailed without wind. Mr. Harland may say
what he likes,—I stick to that. She had no steam, but she carried
full sail, and she came into the Sound with all her canvas bellying
out as though she were driven by a stormy sou'wester. There's been no
wind all night—yet she's gone, as you see—and not a man on board
heard the weighing of her anchor. When she went and how she went beats
me altogether!"
At that moment we caught sight of a small rowing boat coming out to
us from the shore, pulled by one man, who bent to his oars in a slow,
listless way as though disinclined for the labour.
"Boat ahoy!" shouted the captain.
The man looked up and signalled in answer. A couple of our sailors
went to throw him a rope as he brought his craft alongside. He had
come, so he slowly explained in his soft, slow, almost unintelligible
Highland dialect, with fresh eggs and butter, hoping to effect a sale.
The steward was summoned, and bargaining began. I listened and looked
on, amused and interested, and I presently suggested to the captain
that it might be as well to ask this man if he too had seen the yacht
whose movements appeared so baffling and inexplicable. The captain at
once took the hint.
"Say, Donald," he began, invitingly—"did you see the big yacht
that came in last night about ten o'clock?"
"Ou ay!" was the slow answer—"But my name's no Tonald,—it's just
Jamie."
Captain Derrick laughed jovially.
"Beg pardon! Jamie, then! Did you see the yacht?"
"Ou ay! I've seen her mony a day. She's a real shentleman."
I smiled.
"The yacht?"
Jamie looked up at me.
"Ah, my leddy, ye'll pe makin' a fule o' Jamie wi' a glance like a
sun-sparkle on the sea! Jamie's no fule wi' the right sort, an' the
yacht is a shentleman, an' the shentleman's the yacht, for it's the
shentleman that pays whateffer."
Captain Derrick became keenly interested.
"The gentleman? The owner of the yacht, you mean?"
Jamie nodded—"Just that!"—and proceeded to count out his store of
new-laid eggs with great care as he placed them in the steward's
basket.
"What's his name?"
"Ah, that's ower mickle learnin',"—said Jamie, with a cunning
look- -"I canna say it rightly."
"Can you say it wrongly?" I suggested.
"I wadna!" he replied, and he lifted his eyes, which were dark and
piercing, to my face—"I daurna!"
"Is he such a very terrible gentleman, then?" enquired Captain
Derrick, jocosely.
Jamie's countenance was impenetrable.
"Ye'll pe seein' her for yourself whateffer,"—he said—"Ye'll no
miss her in the waters 'twixt here an' Skye."
He stooped and fumbled in his basket, presently bringing out of it
a small bunch of pink bell-heather,—the delicate waxen type of
blossom which is found only in mossy, marshy places.
"The shentleman wanted as much as I could find o' this,"—he said—
"An' he had it a' but this wee bittie. Will my leddy wear it for
luck?"
I took it from his hand.
"As a gift?" I asked, smiling.
"I wadna tak ony money for't,"—he answered, with a curious
expression of something like fear passing over his brown, weather-
beaten features—"'Tis fairies' making."
I put the little bunch in my dress. As I did so, he doffed his cap.
"Good day t'ye! I'll be no seein' ye this way again!"
"Why not? How do you know?"
"One way in and another way out!" he said, his voice sinking to a
sort of meditative croon—"One road to the West, and the other to the
East!—and round about to the meeting-place! Ou ay! Ye'll mak it clear
sailin'!"
"Without wind, eh?" interposed Captain Derrick—"Like your friend
the 'shentleman'? How does he manage that business?"
Jamie looked round with a frightened air, like an animal scenting
danger,—then, shouldering his empty basket, he gave us a hasty nod
of farewell, and, scrambling down the companion ladder without
another word, was soon in his boat again, rowing away steadily and
never once looking back.
"A wild chap!" said the captain—"Many of these fellows get half
daft, living so much alone in desolate places like Mull, and seeing
nothing all their time but cloud and mountain and sea. He seems to
know something about that yacht, though!"
"That yacht is on your brain, Captain!" I said, merrily—"I feel
quite sorry for you! And yet I daresay if we meet her again the
mystery will turn out to be very simple."
"It will have to be either very simple or very complex!" he
answered, with a laugh—"I shall need a good deal of teaching to show
me how a sailing yacht can make steam speed without wind. Ah, good
morning, sir!"
And we both turned to greet Mr. Harland, who had just come up on
deck. He looked ill and careworn, as though he had slept badly, and
he showed but faint interest in the tale of the strange yacht's
sudden exit.
"It amuses you, doesn't it?"—he said, addressing me with a little
cynical smile wrinkling up his forehead and eyes—"Anything that
cannot be at once explained is always interesting and delightful to a
woman! That is why spiritualistic 'mediums' make money. They do clever
tricks which cannot be explained, hence their success with the
credulous."
"Quite so"—I replied—"but just allow me to say that I am no
believer in 'mediums.'"
"True,—I forgot!" He rubbed his hand wearily over his brows—then
asked—"Did you sleep well?"
"Splendidly! And I must really thank you for my lovely rooms,—they
are almost too luxurious! They are fit for a princess."
"Why a princess?" he queried, ironically—"Princesses are not
always agreeable personages. I know one or two,—fat, ugly and stupid.
Some of them are dirty in their persons and in their habits. There are
certain 'princesses' in Europe who ought to be washed and disinfected
before being given any rooms anywhere!"
I laughed.
"Oh, you are very bitter!" I said.
"Not at all. I like accuracy. 'Princess' to the ingenuous mind
suggests a fairy tale. I have not an ingenuous mind. I know that the
princesses of the fairy tales do not exist,—unless you are one."
"Me!" I exclaimed, in amazement—"I'm very far from that—"
"Well, you are a dreamer!" he said, and resting his arms on the
deck rail he looked away from me down into the sunlit sea—"You do not
live here in this world with us—you think you do,—and yet in your
own mind you know you do not. You dream—and your life is that of
vision simply. I'm not sure that I should like to see you wake. For
as long as you can dream you will believe in the fairy tale;—the
'princess' of Hans Andersen and the Brothers Grimm holds good—and
that is why you should have pretty things about you,—music, roses
and the like trifles,—to keep up the delicate delusion."
I was surprised and just a little vexed at his way of talking. Why,
even with the underlying flattery of his words, should he call me a
dreamer? I had worked for my own living as practically as himself in
the world, and if not with such financially successful results, only
because my aims had never been mere money-spinning. He had attained
enormous wealth,—I a modest competence,—he was old and I was
young,—he was ill and miserable,—I was well and happy,—which of us
was the 'dreamer'? My thoughts were busy with this question, and he
saw it.
"Don't perplex yourself,"—he said,—"and don't be offended with me
for my frankness. My view of life is not yours,—nor are we ever
likely to see things from the same standpoint. Yours is the more
enviable condition. You are looking well,—you feel well—you are
well! Health is the best of all things." He paused, and lifting his
eyes from the contemplation of the water, regarded me fixedly.
"That's a lovely bit of bell-heather you're wearing! It glows like
fiery topaz."
I explained how it had been given to me.
"Why, then, you've already established a connection with the
strange yacht!" he said, laughing—"The owner, according to your
Highland fellow, has the same blossoms on board,—probably gathered
from the same morass!—surely this is quite romantic and exciting!"
And at breakfast, when Dr. Brayle and Mr. Swinton appeared, they
all made conversation on the subject of my bunch of heather, till I
got rather tired of it, and was half inclined to take it off and throw
it away. Yet somehow I could not do this. Glancing at my own
reflection in a mirror, I saw what a brilliant yet dainty touch of
colour it gave to the plain white serge of my yachting dress,—it was
a pretty contrast, and I left it alone.
Miss Catherine did not get up to breakfast, but she sent for me
afterwards and asked if I would mind sitting with her for a while. I
did mind in a way,—for the day was fair and fine,—the 'Diana' was
preparing to pursue her course,—and it was far pleasanter to be on
deck in the fresh air than in Miss Catherine's state-room, which,
though quite spacious for a yacht's accommodation, looked rather
dreary, having no carpet on the floor, no curtains to the bed, and no
little graces of adornment anywhere,—nothing but a few shelves
against the wall on which were ranged some blue and black medicine
bottles, relieved by a small array of pill-boxes. But I felt sorry
for the poor woman who had elected to make her life a martyrdom to
nerves, and real or imaginary aches and pains, so I went to her,
determined to do what I could to cheer and rouse her from her
condition of chronic depression. Directly I entered her cabin she
said:
"Where did you get that bright bit of heather?"
I told her the whole story, to which she listened with more
patience than she usually showed for any talk in which she had not
first share.
"It's really quite interesting!" she said, with a reluctant smile—
"I suppose it was the strange yacht that had the music on board last
night. It kept me awake. I thought it was some tiresome person out in
a boat with a gramophone."
I laughed.
"Oh, Miss Harland!" I exclaimed—"Surely you could not have thought
it a gramophone! Such music! It was perfectly exquisite!"
"Was it?" And she drew the ugly grey woollen shawl in which she was
wrapped closer about her sallow throat as she sat up in her bed and
looked at me—"Well, it may have been, to you,—you seem to find
delight in everything,—I'm sure I don't know why! Of course it's
very nice to have such a happy disposition—but really that music
teased me dreadfully. Such a bore having music when you want to go to
sleep."
I was silent, and having a piece of embroidery to occupy my hands I
began to work at it.
"I hope you're quite comfortable on board,"—she resumed,
presently- -"Have you all you want in your rooms?"
I assured her that everything was perfect.
She sighed.
"I wish I could say the same!" she said—"I really hate yachting,
but father likes it, so I must sacrifice myself." Here she sighed
again. I saw she was really convinced that she was immolating herself
on the altar of filial obedience. "You know he is very ill,"—she went
on—"and that he cannot live long?"
"He told me something about it,"—I answered—"and I said then, as
I say now, that the doctors may be wrong."
"Oh no, they cannot be wrong in his case," she declared, shaking
her head dismally—"They know the symptoms, and they can only avert
the end for a time. I'm very thankful Dr. Brayle was able to come with
us on this trip."
"I suppose he is paid a good deal for his services?" I said.
"Eight hundred guineas"—she answered—"But, you see, he has to
leave his patients in London, and find another man to attend to them
during his absence. He is so very clever and so much sought after—I
don't know what I should do without him, I'm sure!"
"Has he any special treatment for you?" I asked.
"Oh yes,—he gives me electricity. He has a wonderful battery—he
has got it fitted up here in the next cabin—and while I hold two
handles he turns it on and it runs all over me. I feel always better
for the moment—but the effect soon passes."
I looked at her with a smile.
"I should think so! Dear Miss Harland, do you really believe in
that way of administering electricity?"
"Of course I do!" she answered—"You see, it's all a question of
what they call bacteriology nowadays. Medicine is no use unless it
can kill the microbes that are eating us up inside and out. And
there's scarcely any drug that can do that. Electricity is the only
remedy. It gives the little brutes a shock;"—and the poor lady
laughed weakly—"and it kills some, but not all. It's a dreadful
scheme of creation, don't you think, to make human beings no better
than happy hunting grounds for invisible creatures to feed upon?"
"It depends on what view you take of it,"—I said, laying down my
work and trying to fix her attention, a matter which was always
difficult—"We human beings are composed of good and evil particles.
If the good are encouraged, they drive out the evil,—if the evil,
they drive out the good. It's the same with the body as the soul,—
if we encourage the health-working 'microbes' as you call them, they
will drive out disease from the human organism altogether."
She sank back on her pillow wearily.
"We can't do it,"—she said—"All the chances are against us.
What's the use of our trying to encourage 'health-working microbes'?
The disease-working ones have got the upper hand. Just think!—our
parents, grandparents and great-grandparents are to blame for half
our evils. Their diseases become ours in various new forms. It's
cruel,—horrible! How anyone can believe that a God of Love created
such a frightful scheme passes my comprehension! The whole thing is a
mere business of eating to be eaten!"
She looked so wan and wild that I pitied her greatly.
"Surely that is not what you think at the bottom of your heart?" I
said, gently—"I should be very sorry for you if I thought you really
meant what you say."
"Well, you may be as sorry for me as you like"—and the poor lady
blinked away tears from her eyes—"I need someone to be sorry for me!
I tell you my life is a perfect torture. Every day I wonder how long I
can bear it! I have such dreadful thoughts! I picture the horrible
things that are happening to different people all over the world,
nobody helping them or caring for them, and I almost feel as if I must
scream for mercy. It wouldn't be any use screaming,—but the scream is
in my soul all the same. People in prisons, people in shipwrecks,
people dying by inches in hospitals, no good in their lives and no
hope—and not a sign of comfort from the God whom the Churches praise!
It's awful! I don't see how anybody can do anything or be ambitious
for anything—it's all mere waste of energy. One of the reasons that
made me so anxious to have you come on this trip with us is that you
always seem contented and happy,—and I want to know why? It's a
question of temperament, I suppose—but do tell me why!"
She stretched out her hand and touched mine appealingly. I took her
worn and wasted fingers in my own and pressed them sympathetically.
"My dear Miss Harland,"—I began.
"Oh, call me Catherine"—she interrupted—"I'm so tired of being
Miss Harland!"
"Well, Catherine, then,"—I said, smiling a little—"Surely you
know why I am contented and happy?"
"No, I do not,"—she said, with quick, almost querulous?
eagerness— "I don't understand it at all. You have none of the things
that please women. You don't seem to care about dress though you are
always well-gowned—you don't go to balls or theatres or race-
meetings,—you are a general favourite, yet you avoid society,—
you've never troubled yourself to take your chances of marriage,—
and so far as I know or have heard tell about you, you haven't even a
lover!"
My cheeks grew suddenly warm. A curious resentment awoke in me at
her words—had I indeed no lover? Surely I had!—one that I knew well
and had known for a long time,—one for whom I had guarded my life
sacredly as belonging to another as well as to myself,—a lover who
loved me beyond all power of human expression,—here the rush of
strange and inexplicable emotion in me was hurled back on my mind
with a shock of mingled terror and surprise from a dead wall of stony
fact,—it was true, of course, and Catherine Harland was right—I had
no lover. No man had ever loved me well enough to be called by such a
name. The flush cooled off my face,—the hurry of my thoughts
slackened,—I took up my embroidery and began to work at it again.
"That is so, isn't it?" persisted Miss Harland—"Though you blush
and grow pale as if there was someone in the background."
I met her inquisitive glance and smiled.
"There is no one,"—I said—"There never has been anyone." I
paused; I could almost feel the warmth of the strong hand that had
held mine in my dream of the past night. It was mere fancy, and I went
on—"I should not care for what modern men and women call love. It
seems very unsatisfactory."
She sighed.
"It is frequently very selfish,"—she said—"I want to tell you my
love-story—may I?"
"Why, of course!" I answered, a little wonderingly, for I had not
thought she had a love-story to tell.
"It's very brief,"—she said, and her lip quivered—"There was a
man who used to visit our house very often when I first came out,—he
made me believe he was very fond of me. I was more than fond of him-
-I almost worshipped him. He was all the world to me, and though
father did not like him very much he wished me to be happy, so we
were engaged. That was the time of my life—the only time I ever knew
what happiness was. One evening, just about three months before we
were to be married, we were together at a party in the house of one of
our mutual friends, and I heard him talking rather loudly in a room
where he and two or three other men had gone to smoke. He said
something that made me stand still and wonder whether I was mad or
dreaming. 'Pity me when I'm married to Catherine Harland!' Pity him? I
listened,—I knew it was wrong to listen, but I could not help myself.
'Well, you'll get enough cash with her to set you all right in the
world, anyhow,'—said another man, 'You can put up with a plain wife
for the sake of a pretty fortune.' Then he,—my love!— spoke
again—'Oh, I shall make the best of it,' he said—'I must have money
somehow, and this is the easiest way. There's one good thing about
modern life,—husbands and wives don't hunt in couples as they used to
do, so when once the knot is tied I shall shift my matrimonial burden
off my shoulders as much as I can. She'll amuse herself with her
clothes and the household,—and she's fond of me, so I shall always
have my own way. But it's an awful martyrdom to have to marry one
woman on account of empty pockets when you're in love with another.' I
heard,—and then—I don't know what happened."
Her eyes stared at me so pitifully that I was full of sorrow for
her.
"Oh, you poor Catherine!" I said, and taking her hand, I kissed it
gently. The tears in her eyes brimmed over.
"They found me lying on the floor insensible,"—she went on,
tremulously—"And I was very ill for a long time afterwards. People
could not understand it when I broke off my engagement. I told nobody
why—except HIM. He seemed sorry and a little ashamed,—but I think he
was more vexed at losing my fortune than anything else. I said to him
that I had never thought about being plain,—that the idea of his
loving me had made me feel beautiful. That was true!—my dear, I
almost believe I should have grown into beauty if I had been sure of
his love."
I understood that; she was perfectly right in what to the entirely
commonplace person would seem a fanciful theory. Love makes all
things fair, and anyone who is conscious of being tenderly loved
grows lovely, as a rose that is conscious of the sun grows into form
and colour.
"Well, it was all over then,"—she ended, with a sigh, "I never was
quite myself again—I think my nerves got a sort of shock such as the
great novelist, Charles Dickens had when he was in the railway
accident—you remember the tale in Forster's 'Life'? How the carriage
hung over the edge of an embankment but did not actually fall,—and
Dickens was clinging on to it all the time. He never got over it, and
it was the remote cause of his death five years later. Now I have felt
just like that,—my life has hung over a sort of chasm ever since I
lost my love, and I only cling on."
"But surely,"—I ventured to say—"surely there are other things to
live for than just the memory of one man's love which was not love at
all! You seem to think there was some cruelty or unhappiness in the
chance that separated you from him,—but really it was a special mercy
and favour of God—only you have taken it in the wrong way."
"I have taken it in the only possible way,"—she said—"With
resignation."
"Oh, do you call it resignation?" I exclaimed—"To make a misery of
what should have been a gladness? Think of the years and years of
wretchedness you might have passed with a man who was a merely
selfish fortune-hunter! You would have had to see him grow colder and
more callous every day—your heart would have been torn, your spirit
broken—and God spared you all this by giving you your chance of
freedom! Such a chance! You might have made much of it, if you had
only chosen!"
She looked at me, but did not speak.
"Love comes to us in a million beautiful ways,"—I went on,
heedless of how she might take my words—"The ordinary love,—or, I
would say, the ordinary mating and marriage is only ONE way. You
cannot live in the world without being loved—if you love!"
She moved on her pillows restlessly.
"I can't see what you mean,"—she said—"How can I love? I have
nothing to love!"
"But do you not see that you are shutting yourself out from love?"
I said—"You will not have it! You bar its approach. You encourage
your sad and morbid fancies, and think of illness when you might just
as well think of health. Oh, I know you will say I am 'up in the air'
as your father expresses it,—but it's true all the same that if you
love everything in Nature—yes, everything!—sunshine, air, cloud,
rain, trees, birds, blossom,—they will love you in return and give
you some of their life and strength and beauty."
She smiled,—a very bitter little smile.
"You talk like a poet,"—she said—"And of all things in the world
I hate poetry! There!—don't think me cross! Go along and be happy in
your own strange fanciful way! I cannot be other than I am,—Dr.
Brayle will tell you that I'm not strong enough to share in other
people's lives and aims and pleasures,—I must always consider
myself."
"Dr. Brayle tells you that?" I queried—"To consider yourself?"
"Of course he does. If I had not considered myself every hour and
every day, I should have been dead long ago. I have to consider
everything I eat and drink lest it should make me ill."
I rose from my seat beside her.
"I wish I could cure you!" I murmured.
"My dear girl, if you could, you would, I am sure,"—she answered—
"You are very kind-hearted. It has done me good to talk to you and
tell you all my sad little history. I shall get up presently and have
my electricity and feel quite bright for a time. But as for a cure,
you might as well try to cure my father."
"None are cured of any ailment unless they resolve to help along
the cure themselves," I said.
She gave a weary little laugh.
"Ah, that's one of your pet theories, but it's no use to me! I'm
past all helping of myself, so you may give me up as a bad job!"
"But you asked me," I went on—"did you not, to tell you why it is
that I am contented and happy? Do you really want to know?"
A vague distrust crept into her faded eyes.
"Not if it's a theory!" she said—"I should not have the brain or
the patience to think it out."
I laughed.
"It's not a theory, it's a truth"—I answered—"But truth is
sometimes more difficult than theory."
She looked at me half in wonder, half in appeal.
"Well, what is it?"
"Just this"—and I knelt beside her for a moment holding her hand—
"I KNOW that there are no external surroundings which we do not make
for ourselves, and that our troubles are born of our own wrong
thinking, and are not sent from God. I train my Soul to be calm,—
and my body obeys my Soul. That's all!"
Her fingers closed on mine nervously.
"But what's the use of telling me this?" she half whispered—"I
don't believe in God or the Soul!"
I rose from my kneeling attitude.
"Poor Catherine!" I said—"Then indeed it is no use telling you
anything! You are in darkness instead of daylight, and no one can
make you see. Oh, what can I do to help you?"
"Nothing,"—she answered—"My faith—it was never very much,—was
taken from me altogether when I was quite young. Father made it seem
absurd. He's a clever man, you know—and in a few words he makes out
religion to be utter nonsense."
"I understand!"
And indeed I did entirely understand. Her father was one of a
rapidly increasing class of men who are a danger to the community,—
a cold, cynical shatterer of every noble ideal,—a sneerer at
patriotism and honour,—a deliberate iconoclast of the most callous
and remorseless type. That he had good points in his character was
not to be denied,—a murderer may have these. But to be in his
company for very long was to feel that there is no good in anything-
-that life is a mistake of Nature, and death a fortunate ending of
the blunder—that God is a delusion and the 'Soul' a mere expression
signifying certain intelligent movements of the brain only.
I stood silently thinking these things, while she watched me rather
wistfully. Presently she said:
"Are you going on deck now?"
"Yes."
"I'll join you all at luncheon. Don't lose that bit of heather in
your dress,—it's really quite brilliant—like a jewel."
I hesitated a moment.
"You're not vexed with me for speaking as I have done?" I asked
her.
"Vexed? No, indeed! I love to hear you and see you defending your
own fairy ground! For it IS like a fairy tale, you know—all that YOU
believe!"
"It has practical results, anyway!"—I answered—"You must admit
that."
"Yes—I know,—and it's just what I can't understand. We'll have
another talk about it some day. Would you tell Dr. Brayle that I
shall be ready for him in ten minutes?"
I assented, and left her. I made for the deck directly, the air
meeting me with a rush of salty softness as I ran up the saloon
stairway. What a glorious day it was! Sky, sea and mountains were
bathed in brilliant sunshine; the 'Diana' was cutting her path
swiftly through waters which marked her course on either side by a
streak of white foam. I mentally contrasted the loveliness of the
scene around me with the stuffy cabin I had just left, and seeing Dr.
Brayle smoking comfortably in a long reclining chair and reading a
paper I went up to him and touched him on the shoulder.
"Your patient wants you in ten minutes,"—I said.
He rose to his feet at once, courteously offering me a chair, which
I declined, and drew his cigar from his mouth.
"I have two patients on board,"—he answered, smiling—"Which one?"
"The one who is your patient from choice, not necessity,"—I
replied, coolly.
"My dear lady!" His eyes blinked at me with a furtive
astonishment— "If you were not so charming I should say you
were—well!—SHALL I say it?—a trifle opinionated!"
I laughed.
"Granted!" I said—"If it is opinionated to be honest I plead
guilty! Miss Harland is as well as you or I,—she's only morbid."
"True!—but morbidness is a form of illness,—a malady of the
nerves—"
I laughed again, much to his visible annoyance.
"Curable by outward applications of electricity?" I queried—"When
the mischief is in the mind? But there!—I mustn't interfere, I
suppose! Nevertheless you keep Miss Harland ill when she might be
quite well."
A disagreeable line furrowed the corners of his mouth.
"You think so? Among your many accomplishments do you count the art
of medicine?"
I met his shifty brown eyes, and he dropped them quickly.
"I know nothing about it,"—I answered—"Except this—that the cure
of any mind trouble must come from within—not from without. And I'm
not a Christian Scientist either?"
He smiled cynically. "Really not? I should have thought you were!"
"You would make a grave error if you thought so," I responded,
curtly.
A keen and watchful interest flashed over his dark face.
"I should very much like to know what your theories are"—he said,
suddenly—"You interest me greatly."
"I'm sure I do!" I answered, smiling.
He looked me up and down for a moment in perplexity—then shrugged
his shoulders.
"You are a strange creature!" he said—"I cannot make you out. If I
were asked to give a 'professional' opinion of you I should say you
were very neurotic and highly-strung, and given over to self-
delusions."
"Thanks!"—and I made him a demure little curtsy. "I look it, don't
I?"
"No—you don't look it; but looks are deceptive."
"There I agree with you,"—I said—"But one has to go by them
sometimes. If I am 'neurotic,' my looks do not pity me, and my
condition of health leaves nothing to desire."
His brows met in a slight frown. He glanced at his watch.
"I must go,"—he said—"Miss Harland will be waiting."
"And the electricity will get cold!" I added, gaily. "See if you
can feel my 'neurotic' pulse!"
He took the hand I extended—and remained quite still. Conscious of
the secret force I had within myself I resolved to try if I could use
it upon him in such a way as to keep him a prisoner till I chose to
let him go. I watched him till his eyes began to look vague and a kind
of fixity settled on his features,—he was perfectly unconscious that
I held him at my pleasure,—and presently, satisfied with my
experiment, I relaxed the spell and withdrew my hand.
"Quite regular, isn't it?" I said, carelessly.
He started as if roused from a sleep, but replied quickly:
"Yes—oh yes—perfectly!—I had almost forgotten what I was doing.
I was thinking of something else. Miss Harland—"
"Yes, Miss Harland is ready for you by this time"—and I smiled.
"You must tell her I detained you."
He nodded in a more or less embarrassed manner, and turning away
from me, went rather slowly down the saloon stairs.
I gave a sigh of relief when he was gone. I had from the first
moment of our meeting recognised in him a mental organisation which
in its godless materialism and indifference to consequences, was
opposed to every healthful influence that might be brought to bear on
his patients for their well-being, whatever his pretensions to medical
skill might be. It was to his advantage to show them the worst side of
a disease in order to accentuate his own cleverness in dealing with
it,—it served his purpose to pamper their darkest imaginings, play
with their whims and humour their caprices,—I saw all this and
understood it. And I was glad that so far as I might be concerned, I
had the power to master him.
To spend a few days on board a yacht with the same companions is a
very good test of the value of sympathetic vibration in human
associations. I found it so. I might as well have been quite alone on
the 'Diana' as with Morton Harland and his daughter, though they were
always uniformly kind to me and thoughtful of my comfort. But between
us there was 'a great gulf fixed,' though every now and again
Catherine Harland made feeble and pathetic efforts to cross that gulf
and reach me where I stood on the other side. But her strength was not
equal to the task,—her will-power was sapped at its root, and every
day she allowed herself to become more and more pliantly the prey of
Dr. Brayle, who, with a subconscious feeling that I knew him to be a
mere medical charlatan, had naturally warned her against me as an
imaginative theorist without any foundation of belief in my own
theories. I therefore shut myself within a fortress of reserve, and
declined to discuss any point of either religion or science with those
for whom the one was a farce and the other mere materialism. At all
times when we were together I kept the conversation deliberately down
to commonplaces which were safe, if dull,—and it amused me not a
little to see that at this course of action on my part Mr. Harland was
first surprised, then disappointed and finally bored. And I was glad.
That I should bore him as much as he bored me was the happy
consummation of my immediate desires. I talked as all conventional
women talk, of the weather, of our minimum and maximum speed, of the
newspaper 'sensations' and vulgarities that were served up to us
whenever we called at a port for the mails,—of the fish that
frequented such and such waters, of sport, of this and that
millionaire whose highland castle or shooting-box was crammed with the
'elite' whose delight is to kill innocent birds and animals,—of the
latest fool-flyers in aeroplanes,—in short, no fashionable jabberer
of social inanities could have beaten me in what average persons call
'common-sense talk,'—talk which resulted after a while in the usual
vagueness of attention accompanied by smothered yawning. I was
resolved not to lift the line of thought 'up in the air' in the manner
whereof I had often been accused, but to keep it level with the
ground. So that when we left Tobermory, where we had anchored for a
couple of days, the limits of the yacht were becoming rather cramped
and narrow for our differing minds, and a monotony was beginning to
set in that threatened to be dangerous, if not unbearable. As the
'Diana' steamed along through the drowsy misty light of the summer
afternoon, past the jagged coast of the mainland, I sat quite by
myself on deck, watching the creeping purple haze that partially
veiled the mountains of Ardnamurchan and Moidart, and I began to
wonder whether after all it might not be better to write to my friend
Francesca and tell her that her prophecies had already come
true,—that I was beginning to be weary of a holiday passed in an
atmosphere bereft of all joyousness, and that she must expect me in
Inverness-shire at once. And yet I was reluctant to end my trip with
the Harlands too soon. There was a secret wish in my heart which I
hardly breathed to myself,—a wish that I might again see the strange
vessel that had appeared and disappeared so suddenly, and make the
acquaintance of its owner. It would surely be an interesting break in
the present condition of things, to say the least of it. I did not
know then (though I know now) why my mind so persistently busied
itself with the fancied personality of the unknown possessor of the
mysterious craft which, as Captain Derrick said, 'sailed without
wind,' but I found myself always thinking about him and trying to
picture his face and form.
I took myself sharply to task for what I considered a foolish
mental attitude,—but do what I would, the attitude remained
unchanged. It was helped, perhaps, in a trifling way by the apparently
fadeless quality of the pink bell-heather which had been given me by
the weird-looking Highland fellow who called himself Jamie, for though
three or four days had now passed since I first wore it, it showed no
signs of withering. As a rule the delicate waxen bells of this plant
turn yellow a few hours after they are plucked,—but my little bunch
was as brilliantly fresh as ever. I kept it in a glass without water
on the table in my sitting-room and it looked always the same. I was
questioning myself as to what I should really do if my surroundings
remained as hopelessly inert and uninteresting as they were at
present,—go on with the 'Diana' for a while longer on the chance of
seeing the strange yacht again—or make up my mind to get put out at
some point from which I could reach Inverness easily, when Mr. Harland
came up suddenly behind my chair and laid his hand on my shoulder.
"Are you in dreamland?" he enquired—and I thought his voice
sounded rather weak and dispirited—"There's a wonderful light on
those hills just now."
I raised my eyes and saw the purple shadows being cloven and
scattered one after another, by long rays of late sunshine that
poured like golden wine through the dividing wreaths of vapour,—
above, the sky was pure turquoise blue, melting into pale opal and
emerald near the line of the grey sea which showed little flecks of
white foam under the freshening breeze. Bringing my gaze down from
the dazzling radiance of the heavens, I turned towards Mr. Harland
and was startled and shocked to see the drawn and livid pallor of his
face and the anguish of his expression.
"You are ill!" I exclaimed, and springing up in haste I offered him
my chair—"Do sit down!"
He made a mute gesture of denial, and with slow difficulty drew
another chair up beside mine, and dropped into it with an air of
heavy weariness.
"I am not ill now,"—he said—"A little while ago I was very ill. I
was in pain—horrible pain! Brayle did what he could for me—it was
not much. He says I must expect to suffer now and again—until—
until the end."
Impulsively I laid my hand on his.
"I am very sorry!" I said, gently—"I wish I could be of some use
to you!"
He looked at me with a curious wistfulness.
"You could, no doubt, if I believed as you do,"—he replied, and
then was silent for a moment. Presently he spoke again.
"Do you know I am rather disappointed in you?"
"Are you?" And I smiled a little—"Why?"
He did not answer at once. He seemed absorbed in troubled musings.
When he resumed, it was in a low, meditative tone, almost as if he
were speaking to himself.
"When I first met you—you remember?—at one of those social
'crushes' which make the London season so infinitely tedious,—I was
told you were gifted with unusual psychic power, and that you had in
yourself the secret of an abounding exhaustless vitality. I repeat
the words—an abounding exhaustless vitality. This interested me,
because I know that our modern men and women are mostly only half
alive. I heard of you that it did people good to be in your
company,—that your influence upon them was remarkable, and that
there was some unknown form of occult, or psychic science to which
you had devoted years of study, with the result that you stood, as it
were, apart from the world though in the world. This, I say, is what I
heard—"
"But you did not believe it,"—I interposed.
"Why do you say that?" he asked, quickly.
"Because I know you could not believe it,"—I answered—"It would
be impossible for you."
A gleam of satire flashed in his sunken eyes.
"Well, you are right there! I did not believe it. But I expected—"
"I know!" And I laughed—"You expected what is called a 'singular'
woman—one who makes herself 'singular,' adopts a 'singular' pose,
and is altogether removed from ordinary humanity. And of course you
are disappointed. I am not at all a type of the veiled priestess."
"It is not that,"—he said, with a little vexation—"When I saw you
I recognised you to be a very transparent creature, devoted to
innocent dreams which are not life. But that secret which you are
reported to possess—the secret of wonderful abounding exhaustless
vitality—how does it happen that you have it? I myself see that
force expressed in your very glance and gesture, and what puzzles me
is that it is not an animal vitality; it is something else."
I was silent.
"You have not a robust physique,"—he went on—"Yet you are more
full of the spirit of life than men and women twice as strong as you
are. You are a feminine thing, too,—and that goes against you. But
one can see in you a worker—you evidently enjoy the exercise of the
accomplishments you possess—and nothing comes amiss to you. I wonder
how you manage it? When you joined us on this trip a few days ago, you
brought a kind of atmosphere with you that was almost buoyant, and now
I am disappointed, because you seem to have enclosed yourself within
it, and to have left us out!"
"Have you not left yourselves out?" I queried, gently. "I,
personally, have really nothing to do with it. Just remember that
when we have talked on any subject above the line of the general and
commonplace your sole object has been to 'draw' me for the amusement
of yourself and Dr. Brayle—"
"Ah, you saw that, did you?" he interrupted, with a faint smile.
"Naturally! Had you believed half you say you were told of me, you
would have known I must have seen it. Can you wonder that I refuse to
be 'drawn'?"
He looked at me with an odd expression of mingled surprise and
annoyance, and I met his gaze fully and frankly. His eyes shifted
uneasily away from mine.
"One may feel a pardonable curiosity," he said, "And a desire to
know—"
"To know what?" I asked, with some warmth—"How can you obtain what
you are secretly craving for, if you persist in denying what is true?
You are afraid of death—yet you invite it by ignoring the source of
life! The curtain is down,—you are outside eternal realities
altogether in a chaos of your own voluntary creation!"
I spoke with some passion, and he heard me patiently.
"Let us try to understand each other," he said, after a pause—
"though it will be difficult. You speak of 'eternal realities.' To me
there are none, save the constant scattering and re-uniting of atoms.
These, so far as we know of the extraordinary (and to me quite
unintelligent) plan of the Universe, are for ever shifting and
changing into various forms and clusters of forms, such as solar
systems, planets, comets, star-dust and the like. Our present view of
them is chiefly based on the researches of Larmor and Thomson of
Cambridge. From them and other scientists we learn that electricity
exists in small particles which we can in a manner see in the
'cathode' rays,—and these particles are called 'electrons.' These
compose 'atoms of matter.' Well!—there are a trillion of atoms in
each granule of dust,—while electrons are so much smaller, that a
hundred thousand of them can lie in the diameter of an atom. I know
all this,—but I do not know why the atoms or electrons should exist
at all, nor what cause there should be for their constant and often
violent state of movement. They apparently always HAVE BEEN, and
always WILL be,—therefore they are all that can be called 'eternal
realities.' Sir Norman Lockyer tells us that the matter of the
Universe is undergoing a continuous process of evolution—but even if
it is so, what is that to me individually? It neither helps nor
consoles me for being one infinitesimal spark in the general
conflagration. Now you believe—"
"In the Force that is BEHIND your system of electrons and atoms"—I
said—"For by whatever means or substances the Universe is composed,
a mighty Intelligence governs it—and I look to the Cause more than
the Effect. For even I am a part of the whole,—I belong to the
source of the stream as much as to the stream itself. An abstract,
lifeless principle without will or intention or intelligence could
not have evolved the splendours of Nature or the intellectual
capabilities of man—it could not have given rise to what was not in
itself."
He fixed his eyes steadily upon me.
"That last sentence is sound argument," he said, as though
reluctantly admitting the obvious,—"And I suppose I am to presume
that 'Itself' is the well-spring from which you draw, or imagine you
draw, your psychic force?"
"If I have any psychic force at all," I responded,—"where do you
suppose it should come from but that which gives vitality to all
animate Nature? I cannot understand why you blind yourself to the
open and visible fact of a Divine Intelligence working in and through
all things. If you could but acknowledge it and set yourself in tune
with it you would find life a new and far more dominant joy than it is
to you now. I firmly believe that your very illness has arisen from
your determined attitude of unbelief."
"That's what a Christian Scientist would say," he answered, with a
touch of scorn,—"I begin to think Dr. Brayle is right in his
estimate of you."
I held my peace.
"Have you no curiosity?" he demanded—"Don't you want to know his
opinion?"
"No,"—and I smiled—"My dear Mr. Harland, with all your experience
of the world, has it never occurred to you that there are some people
whose opinions don't matter?"
"Brayle is a clever man,"—he said, somewhat testily, "And you are
merely an imaginative woman."
"Then why do you trouble about me?" I asked him, quickly—"Why do
you want to find out that something in me which baffles both Dr.
Brayle and yourself?"
It was now his turn to be silent, and he remained so for some time,
his eyes fixed on the shadowing heavens. The waves were roughening
slightly and a swell from the Atlantic lifted the 'Diana' curtsying
over their foam-flecked crests as she ploughed her way swiftly along.
Presently he turned to me with a smile.
"Let us strike a truce!"—he said—"I promise not to try and 'draw'
you any more! But please do not isolate yourself from us,—try to
feel that we are your friends. I want you to enjoy this trip if
possible,—but I fear that we are proving rather dull company for
you. We are making for Skye at good speed and shall probably anchor
in Loch Scavaig to-night. To-morrow we might land and do the
excursion to Loch Coruisk if you care for that, though Catherine is
not a good walker."
I felt rather remorseful as he said these words in a kindly tone.
Yet I knew very well that, notwithstanding all the strenuous efforts
which might be made by the rules of conventional courtesy, it would
be impossible for me to feel quite at home in the surroundings which
he had created for himself. I inwardly resolved, however, to make the
best of it and to try and steer clear of any possibilities or
incidents which might tend to draw the line of demarcation too
strongly between us. Some instinct told me that present conditions
were not to remain as they were, so I answered my host gently and
assured him of my entire willingness to fall in with any of his
plans. Our conversation then gradually drifted into ordinary topics
till towards sunset, when I went down to my cabin to dress for
dinner. I had a fancy to wear the bunch of pink bell-heather that
still kept its fresh and waxen-looking delicacy of bloom, and this,
fastened in the lace of my white gown, was my only adornment.
That night there was a distinct attempt on everybody's part to make
things sociable and pleasant. Catherine Harland was, for once, quite
cheerful and chatty, and proposed that as there was a lovely
moonlight, we should all go after dinner into the deck saloon, where
there was a piano, and that I should sing for them. I was rather
surprised at this suggestion, as she was not fond of music.
Nevertheless, there had been such an evident wish shown by her and
her father to lighten the monotony which had been creeping like a
mental fog over us all that I readily agreed to anything which might
perhaps for the moment give them pleasure.
We went up on deck accordingly, and on arriving there were all
smitten into awed silence by the wonderful beauty of the scene. We
were anchored in Loch Scavaig—and the light of the moon fell with a
weird splendour on the gloom of the surrounding hills, a pale beam
touching the summits here and there and deepening the solemn effect
of the lake and the magnificent forms of its sentinel mountains. A
low murmur of hidden streams sounded on the deep stillness and
enhanced the fascination of the surrounding landscape, which was more
like the landscape of a dream than a reality. The deep breadths of
dense darkness lying lost among the cavernous slopes of the hills were
broken at intervals by strange rifts of light arising as it were from
the palpitating water, which now and again showed gleams of pale
emerald and gold phosphorescence,—the stars looked large and white
like straying bits of the moon, and the mysterious 'swishing' of slow
ripples heaving against the sides of the yacht suggested the
whisperings of uncanny spirits. We stood in a silent group, entranced
by the grandeur of the night and by our own loneliness in the midst of
it, for there was no sign of a fisherman's hut or boat moored to the
shore, or anything which could give us a sense of human companionship.
A curious feeling of disappointment suddenly came over me,—I lifted
my eyes to the vast dark sky with a kind of mute appeal—and moon and
stars appeared to float up there like ships in a deep sea,—I had
expected something more in this strange, almost spectral-looking
landscape, and yet I knew not why I should expect anything. Beautiful
as the whole scene was, and fully as I recognised its beauty, an
overpowering depression suddenly gripped me as with a cold
hand,—there was a dreary emptiness in this majestic solitude that
seemed to crush my spirit utterly.
I moved a little away from my companions, and leaned over the deck
rail, looking far into the black shadows of the shore, defined more
deeply by the contrasting brilliance of the moon, and my thoughts
flew with undesired swiftness to the darkest line of life's horizon-
-I had for the moment lost the sense of joy. How wretched all we
human creatures are!—I said to my inner self,—what hope after all
is there for us, imprisoned in a world which has no pity for us
whatever may be our fate,—a world that goes on in precisely the same
fashion whether we live or die, work or are idle? These tragic hills,
this cold lake, this white moon, were the same when Caesar lived, and
would still be the same when we who gazed upon them now were all gone
into the Unknown. It seemed difficult to try and realise this obvious
fact—so difficult as to be almost unnatural. Supposing that any towns
or villages had ever existed on this desolate shore, they had proved
useless against the devouring forces of Nature,—just as the splendid
buried cities of South America had proved useless in all their
magnificence,—useless as the 'Golden Age of Lanka' in Ceylon more
than two thousand years ago. Of what avail then is the struggle of
human life? Is it for the many or only for the few? Is all the toil
and sorrow of millions merely for the uplifting and perfecting of
certain individual types, and is this what Christ meant when He said
'Many are called but few are chosen'? If so, why such waste of brain
and heart and love and patience? Tears came suddenly into my eyes and
I started as from a bad dream when Dr. Brayle approached me softly
from behind.
"I am sorry to disturb your reverie!"—he said—"But Miss Harland
has gone into the deck saloon and we are all waiting to hear you
sing."
I looked up at him.
"I don't feel as if I could sing to-night,"—I replied, rather
tremulously—"This lonely landscape depresses me—"
He saw that my eyes were wet, and smiled.
"You are overwrought," he said—"Your own theories of health and
vitality are not infallible! You must be taken care of. You think too
much."
"Or too little?" I suggested.
"Really, my dear lady, you cannot possibly think too little where
health and happiness are concerned! The sanest and most comfortable
people on earth are those who eat well and never think at all. An
empty brain and a full stomach make the sum total of a contented
life."
"So YOU imagine!" I said, with a slight gesture of veiled contempt.
"So I KNOW!" he answered, with emphasis—"And I have had a wide
experience. Now don't look daggers at me!—come and sing!"
He offered me his arm, but I put it aside and walked by myself
towards the deck saloon. Mr. Harland and Catherine were seated there,
with all the lights turned full on, so that the radiance of the moon
through the window was completely eclipsed. The piano was open. As I
came in Catherine looked at me with a surprised air.
"Why, how pale you are!" she exclaimed—"One would think you had
seen a ghost!"
I laughed.
"Perhaps I have! Loch Scavaig is sufficient setting for any amount
of ghosts. It's such a lonely place,"—and a slight tremor ran
through me as I played a few soft chords—"What shall I sing to you?"
"Something of the country we are in,"—said Mr. Harland—"Don't you
know any of those old wild Gaelic airs?"
I thought a moment, and then to a low rippling accompaniment I sang
the old Celtic 'Fairy's Love Song'—
"Why should I sit and sigh,
Pu'in' bracken, pu'in' bracken,
Why should I sit and sigh,
On the hill-side dreary—
When I see the plover rising,
Or the curlew wheeling,
Then I know my mortal lover
Back to me is stealing.
When the day wears away
Sad I look adown the valley,
Every sound heard around
Sets my heart a-thrilling,—
Why should I sit and sigh,
Pu'in' bracken, pu'in' bracken,
Why should I sit and sigh
All alone and weary!
Ah, but there is something wanting,
Oh but I am weary!
Come, my true and tender lover,
O'er the hills to cheer me!
Why should I sit and sigh,
Pu'in' bracken, pu'in' bracken,
Why should I sit and sigh,
All alone and weary!"
I had scarcely finished the last verse when Captain Derrick
suddenly appeared at the door of the saloon in a great state of
excitement.
"Come out, Mr. Harland!" he almost shouted—"Come quickly, all of
you! There's that strange yacht again!"
I rose from my seat at the piano trembling a little—at last!—I
thought—at last! My heart was beating tumultuously, though I could
not explain my own emotion to myself. In another moment we were all
standing speechless and amazed, gazing at surely the most wonderful
sight that had ever been seen by human eyes. There on the dark and
lonely waters of Loch Scavaig was poised, rather than anchored, the
fairy vessel of my dreams, with all sails spread,—sails that were
white as milk and seemingly drenched with a sparkling dewy radiance,
for they scintillated like hoar-frost in the sun and glittered
against the sombre background of the mountainous shore with an almost
blinding splendour. Our whole crew of sailors and servants on the
'Diana' came together in astonished groups, whispering among
themselves, all evidently more or less scared by the strange
spectacle. Captain Derrick waited for someone to hazard a remark,
then, as we remained silent, he addressed Mr. Harland—
"Well, sir, what do you make of it?"
Mr. Harland did not answer. For a man who professed indifference to
all events and circumstances he seemed startled for once and a little
afraid. Catherine caught me by the arm,—she was shivering nervously.
"Do you think it is a REAL yacht?" she whispered.
I was amused at this question, coming as it did from a woman who
denied the supernatural.
"Of course it is!" I answered—"Don't you see people moving about
on board?"
For, in the brilliant light shed by those extraordinary sails, the
schooner appeared to be fully manned. Several of the crew were busy
on her deck and there was nothing of the phantom in their movements.
"Her sails must surely be lit up in that way by electricity"—said
Dr. Brayle, who had been watching her attentively—"But how it is
done and why, is rather puzzling! I never saw anything quite to
resemble it."
"She came into the loch like a flash,"—said Captain Derrick—"I
saw her slide in round the point, and then without a sound of any
kind, there she was, safe anchored before you could whistle. She
behaved in just the same way when we first sighted her off Mull."
I listened to what they were saying, impatiently wondering what
would be the end of their surmises and speculations.
"Why not exchange courtesies?" I said, suddenly,—"Here we are—two
yachts anchored near each other in a lonely lake,—why should we not
know each other? Then all the mysteries you are talking about would
be cleared up."
"Quite true!" said Mr. Harland, breaking his silence at last—"But
isn't it rather late to pay a call? What time is it?"
"About half-past ten,"—answered Dr. Brayle, glancing at his watch.
"Oh, let us get to bed!" murmured Miss Catherine, pleadingly—
"What's the good of making any enquiries to-night?"
"Well, if you don't make them to-night ten to one you won't have
the chance to-morrow!"—said Captain Derrick, bluntly—"That yacht
will repeat her former manoeuvres and vanish at sunrise."
"As all spectres are traditionally supposed to do!" said Dr.
Brayle, lighting a cigarette as he spoke and beginning to smoke it
with a careless air—"I vote for catching the ghost before it melts
away into the morning."
While this talk went on Mr. Harland stepped back into the saloon
and wrote a note which he enclosed in a sealed envelope. With this in
his hand he came out to us again.
"Captain, will you get the boat lowered, please?" he said—then, as
Captain Derrick hastened to obey this order, he turned to his
secretary:—"Mr. Swinton, I want you to take this note to the owner
of that yacht, whoever he may be, with my compliments. Don't give it
to anyone else but himself."
Mr. Swinton, looking very pale and uncomfortable, took the note
gingerly between his fingers.
"Himself—yes!"—he stammered—"And—er—if there should be no
one— "
"What do you mean?" and Mr. Harland frowned in his own particularly
unpleasant way—"There's sure to be SOMEONE, even if he were the
devil! You can say to him that the ladies of our party are very much
interested in the beautiful illumination of his yacht, and that we'll
be glad to see him on board ours, if he cares to come. Be as polite as
you can, and as agreeable as you like."
"It has not occurred to you—I suppose you have not thought—that—
that it may be an illusion?" faltered Mr. Swinton, uneasily, glancing
at the glistening sails that shamed the silver sheen of the moon—"A
sort of mirage in the atmosphere—"
Mr. Harland gave vent to a laugh—the heartiest I had ever heard
from him.
"Upon my word, Swinton!" he exclaimed—"I should never have thought
you capable of nerves! Come, come!—be off with you! The boat is
lowered—all's ready!"
Thus commanded, there was nothing for the reluctant Mr. Swinton but
to obey, and I could not help smiling at his evident discomfiture.
All his precise and matter-of-fact self-satisfaction was gone in a
moment,—he was nothing but a very timorous creature, afraid to
examine into what he could not at once understand. No such terrors,
however, were displayed by the sailors who undertook to row him over
to the yacht. They, as well as their captain, were anxious to
discover the mystery, if mystery there was,—and we all, by one
instinct, pressed to the gangway as he descended the companion ladder
and entered the boat, which glided away immediately with a low and
rhythmical plash of oars. We could watch it as it drew nearer and
nearer the illuminated vessel, and our excitement grew more and more
intense. For once Mr. Harland and his daughter had forgotten all about
themselves,—and Catherine's customary miserable expression of face
had altogether disappeared in the keenness of her interest for
something more immediately thrilling than her own ailments. So far as
I was concerned, I could hardly endure the suspense that seemed to
weigh on every nerve of my body during the few minutes' interval that
elapsed between the departure of the boat and its drawing up alongside
the strange yacht. My thoughts were all in a whirl,—I felt as if
something unprecedented and almost terrifying was about to
happen,—but I could not reason out the cause of my mental agitation.
"There they go!" said Mr. Harland—"They're alongside! See!—those
fellows are lowering the companion ladder—there's nothing
supernatural about THEM! Swinton's all right—look, he's on board!"
We strained our eyes through the brilliant flare shed by the
illuminated sails on the darkness and could see Mr. Swinton talking
to a group of sailors. One of them went away, but returned almost
immediately, followed by a man clad in white yachting flannels, who,
standing near one of the shining sails, caught some of the light on
his own figure with undeniably becoming effect. I was the first to
perceive him, and as I looked, the impression came upon me that he
was no stranger,—I had seen him often before. This sudden
consciousness swiftly borne in upon me calmed all the previous tumult
of my mind and I was no longer anxious as to the result of our
possible acquaintance. Catherine Harland pressed my arm excitedly.
"There he is!" she said—"That must be the owner of the yacht. He's
reading father's letter."
He was,—we could see the little sheet of paper turning over in his
hands. And while we waited, wondering what would be his answer, the
light on the sails of his vessel began to pale and die away,—beam
after beam of radiance slipped off as it were like drops of water,
and before we could quite realise it there was darkness where all had
lately been so bright; and the canvas was hauled down. With the
quenching of that intense brilliancy we lost sight of the human
figures on deck and could not imagine what was to happen next. The
dark shore looked darker than ever,—the outline of the yacht was now
truly spectral, like a ship of black cobweb against the moon, and we
looked questioningly at each other in silence. Then Mr. Harland spoke
in a low tone.
"The boat is coming back,"—he said,—"I hear the oars."
I leaned over the side of our vessel and tried to see through the
gloom. How still the water was!—not a ripple disturbed its surface.
But there were strange gleams of wandering light in its depths like
dropped jewels lost on sands far below. The regular dip of oars
sounded nearer and nearer. My heart was beating with painful
quickness,—I could not understand the strange feeling that
overpowered me. I felt as if my very soul were going out of my body
to meet that oncoming boat which was cleaving its way through the
darkness. Another brief interval and then we saw it shoot out into a
patch of moonlight—we could perceive Mr. Swinton seated in the stern
with another figure beside him—that of a man who stood up as he
neared our yacht and lifted his cap with an easy gesture of
salutation, and then as the boat came alongside, caught at the guide
rope and sprang lightly on the first step of the companion ladder.
"Why, he's actually come over to us himself!" ejaculated Mr.
Harland,—and he hurried to the gangway just in time to receive the
visitor as he stepped on deck.
"Well, Harland, how are you?" said a mellow voice in the cheeriest
of accents—"It's strange we should meet like this after so many
years!"
At these words and at sight of the speaker, Morton Harland started
back as if he had been shot.
"Santoris!" he exclaimed—"Not possible! Rafel Santoris! No! You
must be his son!"
The stranger laughed.
"My good Harland! Always the sceptic! Miracles are many, but there
is one which is beyond all performance. A man cannot be his own
offspring! I am that very Santoris who saw you last in Oxford. Come,
come!—you ought to know me!"
He stepped more fully into the light which was shed from the open
door of the deck saloon, and showed himself to be a man of
distinguished appearance, apparently about forty years of age. He was
well built, with the straight back and broad shoulders of an
athlete,—his face was finely featured and radiant with the glow of
health and strength, and as he smiled and laid one hand on Mr.
Harland's shoulder he looked the very embodiment of active, powerful
manhood. Morton Harland stared at him in amazement and something of
terror.
"Rafel Santoris!" he repeated—"You are his living image,—but you
cannot be himself—you are too young!"
A gleam of amusement sparkled in the stranger's eyes.
"Don't let us talk of age or youth for the moment"—he said. "Here
I am,—your 'eccentric' college acquaintance whom you and several
other fellows fought shy of years ago! I assure you I am quite
harmless! Will you present me to the ladies?"
There was a brief embarrassed pause. Then Mr. Harland turned to us
where we had withdrawn ourselves a little apart and addressed his
daughter.
"Catherine,"—he said—"This gentleman tells me he knew me at
Oxford, and if he is right I also knew HIM. I spoke of him only the
other night at dinner—you remember?—but I did not tell you his
name. It is Rafel Santoris—if indeed he IS Santoris!—though my
Santoris should be a much older man."
"I extremely regret," said our visitor then, advancing and bowing
courteously to Catherine and myself—"that I do not fulfil the
required conditions of age! Will you try to forgive me?"
He smiled—and we were a little confused, hardly knowing what to
say. Involuntarily I raised my eyes to his, and with one glance saw
in those clear blue orbs that so steadfastly met mine a world of
memories—memories tender, wistful and pathetic, entangled as in
tears and fire. All the inward instincts of my spirit told me that I
knew him well—as well as one knows the gold of the sunshine or the
colour of the sky,—yet where had I seen him often and often before?
While my thoughts puzzled over this question he averted his gaze from
mine and went on speaking to Catherine.
"I understand," he said—"that you are interested in the lighting
of my yacht?"
"It is most beautiful and wonderful,"—answered Catherine, in her
coldest tone of conventional politeness, "And so unusual!"
His eyebrows went up with a slightly quizzical.
"Yes, I suppose it is unusual," he said—"I am always forgetting
that what is not quite common seems strange! But really the
arrangement is very simple. The yacht is called the 'Dream'—and she
is, as her name implies, a 'dream' fulfilled. Her sails are her only
motive power. They are charged with electricity, and that is why they
shine at night in a way that must seem to outsiders like a special
illumination. If you will honour me with a visit to-morrow I will show
you how it is managed."
Here Captain Derrick, who had been standing close by, was unable to
resist the impulse of his curiosity.
"Excuse me, sir,"—he said, suddenly—"but may I ask how it is you
sail without wind?"
"Certainly!—you may ask and be answered!" Santoris replied. "As I
have just said, our sails are our only motive power, but we do not
need the wind to fill them. By a very simple scientific method, or
rather let me say by a scientific application of natural means, we
generate a form of electric force from the air and water as we move.
This force fills the sails and propels the vessel with amazing
swiftness wherever she is steered. Neither calm nor storm affects her
progress. When there is a good gale blowing our way, we naturally
lessen the draft on our own supplies—but we can make excellent speed
even in the teeth of a contrary wind. We escape all the inconveniences
of steam and smoke and dirt and noise,—and I daresay in about a
couple of hundred years or so my method of sailing the seas will be
applied to all ships large and small, with much wonder that it was not
thought of long ago."
"Why not apply it yourself?" asked Dr. Brayle, now joining in the
conversation for the first time and putting the question with an air
of incredulous amusement—"With such a marvellous discovery—if it is
yours—you should make your fortune!"
Santoris glanced him over with polite tolerance.
"It is possible I do not need to make it,"—he answered, then
turning again to Captain Derrick he said, kindly, "I hope the matter
seems clearer to you? We sail without wind, it is true, but not
without the power that creates wind."
The captain shook his head perplexedly.
"Well, sir, I can't quite take it in,"—he confessed—"I'd like to
know more."
"So you shall! Harland, will you all come over to the yacht to-
morrow? There may be some excursion we could do together—and you
might remain and dine with me afterwards."
Mr. Harland's face was a study. Doubt and fear struggled for the
mastery in his expression and he did not at once answer. Then he
seemed to conquer his hesitation and to recover himself.
"Give me a moment with you alone,"—he said, with a gesture of
invitation towards the deck saloon.
Our visitor readily complied with this suggestion, and the two men
entered the saloon together and closed the door.
Silence followed. Catherine looked at me in questioning
bewilderment,—then she called to Mr. Swinton, who had been standing
about as though awaiting orders in his usual tiresome and servile
way.
"What sort of an interview did you have with that gentleman when
you got on board his yacht?" she asked.
"Very pleasant—very pleasant indeed"—he replied—"The vessel is
magnificently appointed. I have never seen such luxury.
Extraordinary! More than princely! Mr. Santoris himself I found
particularly agreeable. When he had read Mr. Harland's note, he said
he was glad to find it was from an old college companion, and that he
would come over with me to renew the acquaintance. As he has done."
"You were not afraid of him, then?" queried Dr. Brayle,
sarcastically.
"Oh dear no! He seems quite well-bred, and I should say he must be
very wealthy."
"A most powerful recommendation!" murmured Brayle—"The best in the
world! What do YOU think of him?" he asked, turning suddenly to me.
"I have no opinion,"—I answered, quietly.
How could I say otherwise? How could I tell such a man as he was,
of one who had entered my life as insistently as a flash of light,
illumining all that had hitherto been dark!
At that moment Catherine caught my hand.
"Listen!" she whispered.
A window of the deck saloon was open and we stood near it. Dr.
Brayle and Mr. Swinton had moved away to light fresh cigars, and we
two women were for the moment alone. We heard Mr. Harland's voice
raised to a sort of smothered cry.
"My God! You ARE Santoris!"
"Of course I am!" And the deep answering tones were full of
music,— the music of a grave and infinitely tender compassion—"Why
did you doubt it? And why call upon God? That is a name which has no
meaning for you."
There followed a silence. I looked at Catherine and saw her pale
face in the light of the moon, haggard in line and older than her
years, and my heart was full of pity for her. She was excited beyond
her usual self-I could see that the appearance of the stranger from
the yacht had aroused her interest and compelled her admiration. I
tried to draw her gently to a farther distance from the saloon, but
she would not move.
"We ought not to listen,"—I said—"Catherine, come away!"
She shook her head.
"Hush!" she softly breathed—"I want to hear!"
Just then Mr. Harland spoke again.
"I am sorry!" he said—"I have wronged you and I apologise. But you
can hardly wonder at my disbelief, considering your appearance, which
is that of a much younger man than your actual years should make you."
The rich voice of Santoris gave answer.
"Did I not tell you and others long ago that for me there is no
such thing as time, but only eternity? The soul is always young,—and
I live in the Spirit of youth, not in the Matter of age."
Catherine turned her eyes upon me in wide-open amazement.
"He must be mad!" she said.
I made no reply either by word or look. We heard Mr. Harland
talking, but in a lower tone, and we could not distinguish what he
said. Presently Santoris answered, and his vibrant tones were clear
and distinct.
"Why should it seem to you so wonderful?" he said—"You do not
think it miraculous when the sculptor, standing before a shapeless
block of marble, hews it out to conformity with his inward thought.
The marble is mere marble, hard to deal with, difficult to shape,—yet
out of its resisting roughness the thinker and worker can mould an
Apollo or a Psyche. You find nothing marvellous in this, though the
result of its shaping is due to nothing but Thought and Labour. Yet
when you see the human body, which is far easier to shape than
marble, brought into submission by the same forces of Thought and
Labour, you are astonished! Surely it is a simpler matter to control
the living cells of one's own fleshly organisation and compel them to
do the bidding of the dominating spirit than to chisel the semblance
of a god out of a block of stone!"
There was a pause after this. Then followed more inaudible talk on
the part of Mr. Harland, and while we yet waited to gather further
fragments of the conversation, he suddenly threw open the saloon door
and called to us to come in. We at once obeyed the summons, and as we
entered he said in a somewhat excited, nervous way:—
"I must apologise before you ladies for the rather doubting manner
in which I received my former college friend! He IS Rafel Santoris—
I ought to have known that there's only one of his type! But the
curious part of it is that he should be nearly as old as I am,—yet
somehow he is not!"
I laughed. It would have been hard not to laugh, for the mere idea
of comparing the two men, Santoris in such splendid prime and Morton
Harland in his bent, lean and wizened condition, as being of the same
or nearly the same age was quite ludicrous. Even Catherine smiled—a
weak and timorous smile.
"I suppose you have grown old more quickly, father," she said—
"Perhaps Mr. Santoris has not lived at such high pressure."
Santoris, standing by the saloon centre table tinder the full blaze
of the electric lamp, looked at her with a kindly interest.
"High or low, I live each moment of my days to the full, Miss
Harland,"—he said—"I do not drowse it or kill it—I LIVE it! This
lady,"—and he turned his eyes towards me—"looks as if she did the
same!"
"She does!" said Mr. Harland, quickly, and with emphasis—"That's
quite true! You were always a good reader of character, Santoris! I
believe I have not introduced you properly to our little friend"—
here he presented me by name and I held out my hand. Santoris took it
in his own with a light, warm clasp—gently releasing it again as he
bowed. "I call her our little friend, because she brings such an
atmosphere of joy along with her wherever she goes. We persuaded her
to come with us yachting this summer for a very selfish reason—
because we are disposed to be dull and she is always bright,—the
advantage, you see, is all on our side! Oddly enough, I was talking
to her about you the other night—the very night, by the by, that
your yacht came behind us off Mull. That was rather a curious
coincidence when you come to think of it!"
"Not curious at all,"—said Santoris—"but perfectly natural. When
will you realise that there is no such thing as 'coincidence' but
only a very exact system of mathematics?"
Mr. Harland gave a slight, incredulous gesture.
"Your theories again," he said—"You hold to them still! But our
little friend is likely to agree with you,—when I was speaking of
you to her I told her she had somewhat the same ideas as yourself.
She is a sort of a 'psychist'—whatever that may mean!"
"Do you not know?" queried Santoris, with a grave smile—"It is
easy to guess by merely looking at her!"
My cheeks grew warm and my eyes fell beneath his steadfast gaze. I
wondered whether Mr. Harland or Catherine would notice that in his
coat he wore a small bunch of the same kind of bright pink bell-
heather which was my only 'jewel of adorning' that night. The ice of
introductory recognition being broken, we gathered round the saloon
table and sat down, while the steward brought wine and other
refreshments to offer to our guest. Mr. Harland's former uneasiness
and embarrassment seemed now at an end, and he gave himself up to the
pleasure of renewing association with one who had known him as a young
man, and they began talking easily together of their days at college,
of the men they had both been acquainted with, some of whom were dead,
some settled abroad and some lost to sight in the vistas of uncertain
fate. Catherine took very little part in the conversation, but she
listened intently—her colourless eyes were for once bright, and she
watched the face of Santoris as one might watch an animated picture.
Presently Dr. Brayle and Mr. Swinton, who had been pacing the deck
together and smoking, paused near the saloon door. Mr. Harland
beckoned them.
"Come in, come in!" he said—"Santoris, this is my physician, Dr.
Brayle, who has undertaken to look after me during this trip,"—
Santoris bowed—"And this is my secretary, Mr. Swinton, whom I sent
over to your yacht just now." Again Santoris bowed. His slight, yet
perfectly courteous salutation, was in marked contrast with the
careless modern nod or jerk of the head by which the other men barely
acknowledged their introduction to him. "He was afraid of his life to
go to you"—continued Mr. Harland, with a laugh—"He thought you might
be an illusion—or even the devil himself, with those fiery sails!"
Mr. Swinton looked sheepish; Santoris smiled. "This fair dreamer of
dreams"—here he singled me out for notice—"is the only one of us who
has not expressed either surprise or fear at the sight of your vessel
or the possible knowledge of yourself, though there was one little
incident connected with the pretty bunch of bell-heather she is
wearing—why!—you wear the same flower yourself!"
There was a moment's silence. Everyone stared. The blood burned in
my veins,—I felt my face crimsoning, yet I knew not why I should be
embarrassed or at a loss for words. Santoris came to my relief.
"There's nothing remarkable in that, is there?" he queried,
lightly- -"Bell-heather is quite common in this part of the world. I
shouldn't like to try and count up the number of tourists I've lately
seen wearing it!"
"Ah, but you don't know the interest attaching to this particular
specimen!" persisted Mr. Harland—"It was given to our little friend
by a wild Highland fellow, presumably a native of Mull, the very
morning after she had seen your yacht for the first time, and he told
her that on the previous night he had brought all of the same kind he
could gather to you! Surely you see the connection?"
Santoris shook his head.
"I'm afraid I don't!" he said, smilingly. "Did the 'wild Highland
fellow' name me?"
"No—I believe he called you 'the shentleman that owns the yacht.'"
"Oh well!" and Santoris laughed—"There are so many 'shentlemen'
that own yachts! He may have got mixed in his customers. In any case,
I am glad to have some little thing in common with your friend—if
only a bunch of heather!"
"HER bunch behaves very curiously,"—put in Catherine—"It never
fades."
Santoris made no comment. It seemed as if he had not heard, or did
not wish to hear. He changed the conversation, much to my comfort,
and for the rest of the time he stayed with us, rather avoided
speaking to me, though once or twice I met his eyes fixed earnestly
upon me. The talk drifted in a desultory manner round various
ordinary topics, and I, moving a little aside, took a seat near the
window where I could watch the moon-rays striking a steel-like
glitter on the still waters of Loch Scavaig, and at the same time
hear all that was being said without taking any part in it. I did not
wish to speak,—the uplifted joy of my soul was too intense for
anything but silence. I could not tell why I was so happy,—I only
knew by inward instinct that some point in my life had been reached
towards which I had striven for a far longer period than I myself was
aware of. There was nothing for me now but to wait with faith and
patience for the next step forward—a step which I felt would not be
taken alone. And I listened with interest while Mr. Harland put his
former college friend through a kind of inquisitorial examination as
to what he had been doing and where he had been journeying since they
last met. Santoris seemed not at all unwilling to be catechised.
"When I escaped from Oxford,"—he said—but here Mr. Harland
interposed.
"Escaped!" he exclaimed—"You talk as if you had been kept in
prison."
"So I was"—Santoris replied—"Oxford is a prison, to all who want
to feed on something more than the dry bones of learning. While there
I was like the prodigal son,—exiled from my Father's House. And I
'did eat the husks that the swine did eat.' Many fellows have to do
the same. Sometimes—though not often—a man arrives with a
constitution unsuited to husks. Mine was—and is—such an one."
"You secured honours with the husks," said Mr. Harland.
Santoris gave a gesture of airy contempt.
"Honours! Such honours! Any fellow unaddicted to drinking, with a
fair amount of determined plod could win them. The alleged
'difficulties' in the way are perfectly childish. They scarcely
deserve to be called the pothooks and hangers of an education. I
always got my work done in two or three hours—the rest of my time at
college was pure leisure,—which I employed in other and wiser forms
of study than those of the general curriculum—as you know."
"You mean occult mysteries and things of that sort?"
"'Occult' is a word of such new coinage that it is not found in
many dictionaries,"—said Santoris, with a mirthful look—"You will
not find it, for instance, in the earlier editions of Stormonth's
reliable compendium. I do not care for it myself; I prefer to say
'Spiritual science.'"
"You believe in that?" asked Catherine, abruptly.
"Assuredly! How can I do otherwise, seeing that it is the Key to
the Soul of Nature?" "That's too deep for me!" said Dr. Brayle,
pouring himself out a glass of whisky and mixing it with
soda-water—"If it's a riddle I give it up!"
Santoris was silent. There was a moment's pause. Then Catherine
leaned forward across the table, looking at him with tired,
questioning eyes.
"Could you not explain?" she murmured.
"Easily!" he answered—"Anyone can understand it with a little
attention. What I mean is this,—you know that the human body
outwardly expresses its inward condition of health, mentality and
spirituality—well, in exactly the same way Nature, in her countless
varying presentations of beauty and wisdom, expresses the Soul of
herself, or the spiritual force which supports her existence.
'Spiritual science' is the knowledge, not of the outward effect so
much as of the inward cause which makes the effect manifest. It is a
knowledge which can be applied to the individual daily uses of
life,—the more it is studied, the more reward it bestows, and the
smallest portion of it thoroughly mastered, is bound to lead to some
discovery, simple or complex, which lifts the immortal part of a man
a step higher on the way it should go."
"You are satisfied with your researches, then?" asked Mr. Harland.
Santoris smiled gravely.
"Do I look like a man that has failed?" he answered.
Mr. Harland studied his handsome face and figure with ill-concealed
envy.
"You went abroad from Oxford?" he queried.
"Yes. I went back to the old home in Egypt—the house where I was
born and bred. It had been well kept and cared for by the faithful
servant to whom my father had entrusted it—as well kept as a Royal
Chamber in the Pyramids with the funeral offerings untouched and a
perpetual lamp burning. It was the best of all possible places in
which to continue my particular line of work without interruption—
and I have stayed there most of the time, only coming away, as now,
when necessary for a change and a look at the world as the world
lives in these days."
"And"—here Mr. Harland hesitated, then went on—"Are you married?"
Santoris lifted his eyes and regarded his former college
acquaintance fixedly.
"That question is unnecessary"—he said—"You know I am not."
There was a brief awkward pause. Dr. Brayle looked up with a
satirical smile.
"Spiritual science has probably taught you to beware of the fair
sex"—he said.
"I do not entirely understand you"—answered Santoris, coldly—"But
if you mean that I am not a lover of women in the plural you are
right."
"Perhaps of the one woman—the one rare pearl in the deep sea"—
hinted Dr. Brayle, unabashed.
"Come, you are getting too personal, Brayle," interrupted Mr.
Harland, quickly, and with asperity—"Santoris, your health!"
He raised a glass of wine to his lips—Santoris did the same—and
this simple courtesy between the two principals in the conversation
had the effect of putting their subordinate in his proper place.
"It seems superfluous to wish health to Mr. Santoris," said
Catherine then—"He evidently has it in perfection."
Santoris looked at her with kindly interest.
"Health is a law, Miss Harland"—he said—"It is our own fault if
we trespass against it."
"Ah, you say that because you are well and strong," she answered,
in a plaintive tone—"But if you were afflicted and suffering you
would take a different view of illness."
He smiled, somewhat compassionately.
"I think not,"—he said—"If I were afflicted and suffering, as you
say, I should know that by my own neglect, thoughtlessness,
carelessness or selfishness I had injured my organisation mentally
and physically, and that, therefore, the penalty demanded was just
and reasonable."
"Surely you do not maintain that a man is responsible for his own
ailments?" said Mr. Harland—"That would be too far-fetched, even for
YOU! Why, as a matter of fact a wretched human being is not only
cursed with his own poisoned blood but with the poisoned blood of his
forefathers, and, according to the latest medical science, the very
air and water swarm with germs of death for the unsuspecting victim."
"Or germs of life!" said Santoris, quietly—"According to my
knowledge or 'theory,' as you prefer to call it, there are no germs
of actual death. There are germs which disintegrate effete forms of
matter merely to allow the forces of life to rebuild them again—and
these may propagate in the human system if it so happens that the
human system is prepared to receive them. Their devastating process
is called disease, but they never begin their work till the being
they attack has either wasted a vital opportunity or neglected a
vital necessity. Far more numerous are the beneficial germs of
revivifying and creative power—and if these find place, they are
bound to conquer those whose agency is destructive. It all depends on
the soil and pasture you offer them. Evil thoughts make evil blood,
and in evil blood disease germinates and flourishes. Pure thoughts
make pure blood and rebuild the cells of health and vitality. I grant
you there is such a thing as inherited disease, but this could be
prevented in a great measure by making the marriage of diseased
persons a criminal offence,—while much of it could be driven out by
proper care in childhood. Unfortunately, the proper care is seldom
given."
"What would you call proper care?" asked Catherine.
"Entire absence of self-indulgence, to begin with,"—he answered—
"No child should be permitted to have its own way or expect to have
it. The first great lesson of life should be renunciation of self."
A faint colour crept into Catherine's faded cheeks. Mr. Harland
fidgeted in his chair.
"Unless a man looks after himself, no one else will look after
him"- -he said.
"Reasonable care of one's self is UNselfishness," replied
Santoris— "But anything in excess of reasonable care is pure vice. A
man should work for his livelihood chiefly in order not to become a
burden on others. In the same way he should take care of his health
so that he may avoid being a troublesome invalid, dependent on
others' compassion. To be ill is to acknowledge neglect of existing
laws and incapacity of resistance to evil."
"You lay down a very hard and fast rule, Mr. Santoris"—said Dr.
Brayle—"Many unfortunate people are ill through no fault of their
own."
"Pardon me for my dogmatism when I say such a thing is
impossible"— answered Santoris—"If a human being starts his life in
health he cannot be ill UNLESS through some fault of his own. It may
be a moral or a physical fault, but the trespass against the law has
been made. And suppose him to be born with some inherited trouble, he
can eliminate even that from his blood if he so determines. Man was
not meant to be sickly, but strong—he is not intended to dwell on
this earth as a servant but as a master,—and all the elements of
strength and individual sovereignty are contained in Nature for his
use and advantage if he will but accept them as frankly as they are
offered ungrudgingly. I cannot grant you "—and he smiled—"even the
smallest amount of voluntary or intended mischief in the Divine
plan!"
At that moment Captain Derrick looked in at the saloon door to
remind us that the boat was still waiting to take our visitor back to
his own yacht. He rose at once, with a briefly courteous apology for
having stayed so long, and we all vent with him to see him off. It was
arranged that we were to join him on board his vessel next day, and
either take a sail with him along the island coast or else do the
excursion on foot to Loch Coruisk, which was a point not to be missed.
As we walked all together along the moonlit deck a chance moment
placed him by my side while the others were moving on ahead. I felt
rather than saw his eyes upon me, and looked up swiftly in obedience
to his compelling glance. There was a light of eloquent meaning in the
expression of his face, but he spoke in perfectly conventional
tones:—
"I am glad to have met you at last,"—he said, quietly—"I have
known you by name—and in the spirit—a long time."
I did not answer. My heart was beating rapidly with an excitation
of nameless joy and fear commingled.
"To-morrow"—he went on—"we shall be able to talk together, I
hope,—I feel that there are many things in which we are mutually
interested."
Still I could not speak.
"Sometimes it happens"—he continued, in a voice that trembled a
little—"that two people who are not immediately conscious of having
met before, feel on first introduction to each other as if they were
quite old friends. Is it not so?"
I murmured a scarcely audible assent.
He bent his head and looked at me searchingly,—a smile was on his
lips and his eyes were full of tenderness.
"Till to-morrow is not long to wait,"—he said—"Not long—after so
many years! Good-night!"
A sense of calm and sweet assurance swept over me.
"Good-night!" I answered, with a smile of happy response to his
own- -"Till to-morrow!"
We were close to the gangway where the others already stood. In
another couple of minutes he had made his adieux to our whole party
and was on his way back to his own vessel. The boat in which he sat,
rowed strongly by our men, soon disappeared like a black blot on the
general darkness of the water, yet we remained for some time
watching, as though we could see it even when it was no longer
visible.
"A strange fellow!" said Dr. Brayle when we moved away at last,
flinging the end of his cigar over the yacht side—"Something of
madness and genius combined."
Mr. Harland turned quickly upon him.
"You mistake,"—he answered—"There's no madness, though there is
certainly genius. He's of the same mind as he was when I knew him at
college. There never was a saner or more brilliant scholar."
"It's curious you should meet him again like this,"—said
Catherine- -"But surely, father, he's not as old as you are?"
"He's about three and a half years younger—that's all."
Dr. Brayle laughed.
"I don't believe it for a moment!" he said—"I think he's playing a
part. He's probably not the man you knew at Oxford at all."
We were then going to our cabins for the night, and Mr. Harland
paused as these words were said and faced us.
"He IS the man!"—he said, emphatically—"I had my doubts of him at
first, but I was wrong. As for 'playing a part,' that would be
impossible to him. He is absolutely truthful—almost to the verge of
cruelty!" A curious expression came into his eyes, as of hidden fear.
"In one way I am glad to have met him again—in another I am sorry.
For he is a disturber of the comfortable peace of conventions.
You"—here he regarded me suddenly, as if he had almost forgotten my
presence—"will like him. You have many ideas in common and will be
sure to get on well together. As for me, I am his direct
opposite,—the two poles are not wider apart than we are in our
feelings, sentiments and beliefs." He paused, seeming to be troubled
by the passing cloud of some painful thought—then he went on—
"There is one thing I should perhaps explain, especially to you,
Brayle, to save useless argument. It is, of course, a 'craze'—but
craze or not, he is absolutely immovable on one point which he calls
the great Fact of Life,—that there is and can be no Death,—that
Life is eternal and therefore in all its forms indestructible."
"Does he consider himself immune from the common lot of mortals?"
asked Dr. Brayle, with a touch of derision.
"He denies 'the common lot' altogether"—replied Mr. Harland—"For
him, each individual life is a perpetual succession of progressive
changes, and he holds that a change IS never and CAN never be made
till the person concerned has prepared the next 'costume' or mortal
presentment of immortal being, according to voluntary choice and
liking."
"Then he is mad!" exclaimed Catherine. "He must be mad!"
I smiled.
"Then I am mad too,"—I said—"For I believe as he does. May I say
good-night?"
And with that I left them, glad to be alone with myself and my
heart's secret rapture.
Perfect happiness is the soul's acceptance of a sense of joy
without question. And this is what I felt through all my being on that
never-to-be-forgotten night. Just as a tree may be glad of the soft
wind blowing its leaves, or a daisy in the grass may rejoice in the
warmth of the sun to which it opens its golden heart without either
being able to explain the delicious ecstasy, so I was the recipient
of light and exquisite felicity which could have no explanation or
analysis. I did not try to think,—it was enough for me simply to BE.
I realised, of course, that with the Harlands and their two paid
attendants, the materialist Dr. Brayle, and the secretarial machine,
Swinton, Rafel Santoris could have nothing in common,—and as I know,
by daily experience, that not even the most trifling event happens
without a predestined cause for its occurrence and a purpose in its
result, I was sure that the reason for his coming into touch with us
at all was to be found in connection, through some mysterious
intuition, with myself. However, as I say, I did not think about
it,—I was content to breathe the invigorating air of peace and
serenity in which my spirit seemed to float on wings. I slept like a
child who is only tired out with play and pleasure,—I woke like a
child to whom the world is all new and brimful of beauty. That it was
a sunny day seemed right and natural—clouds and rain could hardly
have penetrated the brilliant atmosphere in which I lived and moved.
It was an atmosphere of my own creating, of course, and therefore not
liable to be disturbed by storms unless I chose. It is possible for
every human being to live in the sunshine of the soul whatever may be
the material surroundings of the body. The so-called 'practical'
person would have said to me:—'Why are you happy?' There is no real
cause for this sudden elation. You think you have met someone who is
in sympathy with your tastes, ideas and feelings,—but you may be
quite wrong, and this bright wave of joy into which you are plunging
heedlessly may fling you bruised and broken on a desolate shore for
the remainder of your life. One would think you had fallen in love at
first sight.
To which I should have replied that there is no such thing as
falling in love at first sight,—that the very expression—'falling
in love'—conveys a false idea, and that what the world generally
calls 'love' is not love at all. Moreover, there was nothing in my
heart or mind with regard to Rafel Santoris save a keen interest and
sense of friendship. I was sure that his beliefs were the same as
mine, and that he had been working along the same lines which I had
endeavoured to follow; and just as two musicians, inspired by a
mutual love of their art, may be glad to play their instruments
together in time and tune, even so I felt that he and I had met on a
plane of thought where we had both for a long time been separately
wandering.
The 'Dream' yacht, with its white sails spread ready for a cruise,
was as beautiful by day in the sunshine under a blue sky as by night
with its own electric radiance flashing its outline against the
stars, and I was eager to be on board. We were, however, delayed by
an 'attack of nerves' on the part of Catherine, who during the
morning was seized with a violent fit of hysteria to which she
completely gave way, sobbing, laughing and gasping for breath in a
manner which showed her to be quite unhinged and swept from self-
control. Dr. Brayle took her at once in charge, while Mr. Harland
fumed and fretted, pacing up and down in the saloon with an angry
face and brooding eyes. He looked at me where I stood waiting, ready
dressed for the excursion of the day, and said:
"I'm sorry for all this worry. Catherine gets worse and worse. Her
nerves tear her to pieces."
"She allows them to do so,"—I answered—"And Dr. Brayle allows her
to give them their way."
He shrugged his shoulders.
"You don't like Brayle,"—he said—"But he's clever, and he does
his best."
"To keep his patients,"—I hinted, with a smile.
He turned on his heel and faced me.
"Well now, come!" he said—"Could YOU cure her?"
"I could have cured her in the beginning,"—I replied, "But hardly
now. No one can cure her now but herself."
He paced up and down again.
"She won't be able to go with us to visit Santoris," he said—"I'm
sure of that."
"Shall we put it off?" I suggested.
His eyebrows went up in surprise at me.
"Why no, certainly not. It will be a change for you and a pleasure
of which I would not deprive you. Besides, I want to go myself. But
Catherine—"
Dr. Brayle here entered the saloon with his softest step and most
professional manner.
"Miss Harland is better now,"—he said—"She will be quite calm in
a few minutes. But she must remain quiet. It will not be safe for her
to attempt any excursion today."
"Well, that need not prevent the rest of us from going."—said Mr.
Harland.
"Oh no, certainly not! In fact, Miss Harland said she hoped you
would go, and make her excuses to Mr. Santoris. I shall, of course,
be in attendance on her."
"You won't come, then?"—and an unconscious look of relief
brightened Mr. Harland's features—"And as Swinton doesn't wish to
join us, we shall be only a party of three—Captain Derrick, myself
and our little friend here. We may as well be off. Is the boat
ready?"
We were informed that Mr. Santoris had sent his own boat and men to
fetch us, and that they had been waiting for some few minutes. We at
once prepared to go, and while Mr. Harland was getting his overcoat
and searching for his field-glasses, Dr. Brayle spoke to me in a low
tone—
"The truth of the matter is that Miss Harland has been greatly
upset by the visit of Mr. Santoris and by some of the things he said
last night. She could not sleep, and was exceedingly troubled in her
mind by the most distressing thoughts. I am very glad she has decided
not to see him again to-day."
"Do you consider his influence harmful?" I queried, somewhat
amused.
"I consider him not quite sane,"—Dr. Brayle answered, coldly—"And
highly nervous persons like Miss Harland are best without the society
of clever but wholly irresponsible theorists."
The colour burned in my cheeks.
"You include me in that category, of course,"—I said,
quietly—"For I said last night that if Mr. Santoris was mad, then I
am too, for I hold the same views."
He smiled a superior smile.
"There is no harm in you,"—he answered, condescendingly—"You may
think what you like,—you are only a woman. Very clever—very
charming—and full of the most delightful fancies,—but weighted
(fortunately) with the restrictions of your sex. I mean no offence, I
assure you,—but a woman's 'views,' whatever they are, are never
accepted by rational beings."
I laughed.
"I see! And rational beings must always be men!" I said—"You are
quite certain of that?"
"In the fact that men ordain the world's government and progress,
you have your answer,"—he replied.
"Alas, poor world!" I murmured—"Sometimes it rebels against the
'rationalism' of its rulers!"
Just then Mr. Harland called me, and I hastened to join him and
Captain Derrick. The boat which was waiting for us was manned by four
sailors who wore white jerseys trimmed with scarlet, bearing the name
of the yacht to which they belonged—the 'Dream.' These men were
dark-skinned and dark-eyed,—we took them at first for Portuguese or
Malays, but they turned out to be from Egypt. They saluted us, but did
not speak, and as soon as we were seated, pulled swiftly away across
the water. Captain Derrick watched their movements with great interest
and curiosity.
"Plenty of grit in those chaps,"—he said, aside to Mr. Harland—
"Look at their muscular arms! I suppose they don't speak a word of
English."
Mr. Harland thereupon tried one of them with a remark about the
weather. The man smiled—and the sudden gleam of his white teeth gave
a wonderful light and charm to his naturally grave cast of
countenance.
"Beautiful day!"—he said,—"Very happy sky!"
This expression 'happy sky' attracted me. It recalled to my mind a
phrase I had once read in the translation of an inscription found in
an Egyptian sarcophagus—"The peace of the morning befriend thee, and
the light of the sunset and the happiness of the sky." The words rang
in my ears with an odd familiarity, like the verse of some poem loved
and learned by heart in childhood.
In a very few minutes we were alongside the 'Dream' and soon on
board, where Rafel Santoris received us with kindly courtesy and
warmth of welcome. He expressed polite regret at the absence of Miss
Harland—none for that of Dr. Brayle or Mr. Swinton—and then
introduced us to his captain, an Italian named Marino Fazio, of whom
Santoris said to us, smilingly:—
"He is a scientist as well as a skipper—and he needs to be both in
the management of such a vessel as this. He will take Captain Derrick
in his charge and explain to him the mystery of our brilliant
appearance at night, and also the secret of our sailing without wind."
Fazio saluted, and smiled a cheerful response.
"Are you ready to start now?" he asked, speaking very good English
with just the slightest trace of a foreign accent.
"Perfectly!"
Fazio lifted his hand with a sign to the man at the wheel. Another
moment and the yacht began to move. Without the slightest noise,—
without the grinding of ropes, or rattling of chains, or creaking
boards, she swung gracefully round, and began to glide through the
water with a swiftness that was almost incredible. The sails filled,
though the air was intensely warm and stirless—an air in which any
ordinary schooner would have been hopelessly becalmed,—and almost
before we knew it we were out of Loch Scavaig and flying as though
borne on the wings of some great white bird, all along the wild and
picturesque coast of Skye towards Loch Bracadale. One of the most
remarkable features about the yacht was the extraordinary lightness
with which she skimmed the waves—she seemed to ride on their surface
rather than part them with her keel. Everything on board expressed the
finest taste as well as the most perfect convenience, and I saw Mr.
Plarland gazing about him in utter amazement at the elegant
sumptuousness of his surroundings. Santoris showed us all over the
vessel, talking to us with the ease of quite an old friend.
"You know the familiar axiom,"—he said—"'Anything worth doing at
all is worth doing well.' The 'Dream' was first of all nothing but a
dream in my brain till I set to work with Fazio and made it a
reality. Owing to our discovery of the way in which to compel the
waters to serve us as our motive power, we have no blackening smoke
or steam, so that our furniture and fittings are preserved from
dinginess and tarnish. It was possible to have the saloon delicately
painted, as you see,"—here he opened the door of the apartment
mentioned, and we stepped into it as into a fairy palace. It was much
loftier than the usual yacht saloon, and on all sides the windows were
oval shaped, set in between the most exquisitely painted panels of sea
pieces, evidently the work of some great artist. Overhead the ceiling
was draped with pale turquoise blue silk forming a canopy, which was
gathered in rich folds on all four sides, having in its centre a
crystal lamp in the shape of a star.
"You live like a king"—then said Mr. Harland, a trifle bitterly—
"You know how to use your father's fortune."
"My father's fortune was made to be used," answered Santoris, with
perfect good-humour—"And I think he is perfectly satisfied with my
mode of expending it. But very little of it has been touched. I have
made my own fortune."
"Indeed! How?" And Harland looked as he evidently felt, keenly
interested.
"Ah, that's asking too much of me!" laughed Santoris. "You may be
satisfied, however, that it's not through defrauding my neighbours.
It's comparatively easy to be rich if you have coaxed any of Mother
Nature's secrets out of her. She is very kind to her children, if
they are kind to her,—in fact, she spoils them, for the more they
ask of her the more she gives. Besides, every man should make his own
money even if he inherits wealth,—it is the only way to feel worthy
of a place in this beautiful, ever-working world."
He preceded us out of the saloon and showed us the State-rooms, of
which there were five, daintily furnished in white and blue and white
and rose.
"These are for my guests when I have any," he said, "Which is very
seldom. This for a princess—if ever one should honour me with her
presence!"
And he opened a door on his right, through which we peered into a
long, lovely room, gleaming with iridescent hues and sparkling with
touches of gold and crystal. The bed was draped with cloudy lace
through which a shimmer of pale rose-colour made itself visible, and
the carpet of dark moss-green formed a perfect setting for the
quaintly shaped furniture, which was all of sandal-wood inlaid with
ivory. On a small table of carved ivory in the centre of the room lay
a bunch of Madonna lilies tied with a finely twisted cord of gold. We
murmured our admiration, and Santoris addressed himself directly to me
for the first time since we had come on board.
"Will you go in and rest for a while till luncheon?" he said—"I
placed the lilies there for your acceptance."
The colour rushed to my cheeks,—I looked up at him in a little
wonderment.
"But I am not a princess!"
His eyes smiled down into mine.
"No? Then I must have dreamed you were!"
My heart gave a quick throb,—some memory touched my brain, but
what it was I could not tell. Mr. Harland glanced at me and laughed.
"What did I tell you the other day?" he said—"Did I not call you
the princess of a fairy tale? I was not far wrong!"
They left me to myself then, and as I stood alone in the beautiful
room which had thus been placed at my disposal, a curious feeling
came over me that these luxurious surroundings were, after all, not
new to my experience. I had been accustomed to them for a great part
of my life. Stay!—how foolish of me!—'a great part of my life'?—
then what part of it? I briefly reviewed my own career,—a difficult
and solitary childhood,—the hard and uphill work which became my lot
as soon as I was old enough to work at all,—incessant study, and
certainly no surplus of riches. Then where had I known luxury? I sank
into a chair, dreamily considering. The floating scent of sandal-wood
and the perfume of lilies commingled was like the breath of an odorous
garden in the East, familiar to me long ago, and as I sat musing I
became conscious of a sudden inrush of power and sense of dominance
which lifted me as it were above myself, as though I had, without any
warning, been given the full control of a great kingdom and its
people. Catching sight of my own reflection in an opposite mirror, I
was startled and almost afraid at the expression of my face, the proud
light in my eyes, the smile on my lips.
"What am I thinking of!" I said, half aloud—"I am not my true self
to-day,—some remnant of a cast-off pride has arisen in me and made
me less of a humble student. I must not yield to this overpowering
demand on my soul,—it is surely an evil suggestion which asserts
itself like the warning pain or fever of an impending disease. Can it
be the influence of Santoris? No!—I will never believe it!"
And yet a vague uneasiness beset me, and I rose and paced about
restlessly,—then pausing where the lovely Madonna lilies lay on the
ivory table, I remembered they had been put there for me. I raised
them gently, inhaling their delicious fragrance, and as I did so,
saw, lying immediately underneath them, a golden Cross of a mystic
shape I knew well,—its upper half set on the face of a seven-
pointed Star, also of gold. With joy I took it up and kissed it
reverently, and as I compared it with the one I always secretly wore
on my own person, I knew that all was well, and that I need have no
distrust of Rafel Santoris. No injurious effect on my mind could
possibly be exerted by his influence—and I was thrown back on myself
for a clue to that singular wave of feeling, so entirely contrary to
my own disposition, which had for a moment overwhelmed me. I could not
trace its source, but I speedily conquered it. Fastening one of the
snowy lilies in my waistband, as a contrast to the bright bit of
bell-heather which I cherished even more than if it were a jewel, I
presently went up on deck, where I found my host, Mr. Harland, Captain
Derrick and Marino Fazio all talking animatedly together.
"The mystery is cleared up,"—said Mr. Harland, addressing me as I
approached—"Captain Derrick is satisfied. He has learned how one of
the finest schooners he has ever seen can make full speed in any
weather without wind."
"Oh no, I haven't learned how to do it,—I'm a long way off
that!"— said Derrick, good-humouredly—"But I've seen how it's done.
And it's marvellous! If that invention could be applied to all
ships—"
"Ah!—but first of all it would be necessary to instruct the
shipbuilders!"—put in Fazio—"They would have to learn their trade
all over again. Our yacht looks as though she were built on the same
lines as all yachts,—but you know—you have seen—she is entirely
different!"
Captain Derrick gave a nod of grave emphasis. Santoris meantime had
come to my side. Our glances met,—he saw that I had received and
understood the message of the lilies, and a light and colour came
into his eyes that made them beautiful.
"Men have not yet fully enjoyed their heritage," he said, taking up
the conversation—"Our yacht's motive power seems complex, but in
reality it is very simple,—and the same force which propels this
light vessel would propel the biggest liner afloat. Nature has given
us all the materials for every kind of work and progress, physical
and mental—but because we do not at once comprehend them we deny
their uses. Nothing in the air, earth or water exists which we may
not press into our service,—and it is in the study of natural forces
that we find our conquest. What hundreds of years it took us to
discover the wonders of steam!—how the discoverer was mocked and
laughed at!—yet it was not really 'wonderful'—it was always there,
waiting to be employed, and wasted by mere lack of human effort. One
can say the same of electricity, sometimes called 'miraculous'—it is
no miracle, but perfectly common and natural, only we have, until now,
failed to apply it to our needs,—and even when wider disclosures of
science are being made to us every day, we still bar knowledge by
obstinacy, and remain in ignorance rather than learn. A few grains in
weight of hydrogen have power enough to raise a million tons to a
height of more than three hundred feet,—and if we could only find a
way to liberate economically and with discretion the various forces
which Spirit and Matter contain, we might change the whole occupation
of man and make of him less a labourer than thinker, less mortal than
angel! The wildest fairy-tales might come true, and earth be
transformed into a paradise! And as for motive power, in a thimbleful
of concentrated fuel we might take the largest ship across the widest
ocean. I say if we could only find a way! Some think they are finding
it—"
"You, for example?"—suggested Mr. Harland.
He laughed.
"I—if you like!—for example! Will you come to luncheon?"
He led the way, and Mr. Harland and I followed. Captain Derrick,
who I saw was a little afraid of him, had arranged to take his
luncheon with Fazio and the other officers of the crew apart. We were
waited upon by dark-skinned men attired in the picturesque costume of
the East, who performed their duties with noiseless grace and
swiftness. The yacht had for some time slackened speed, and appeared
to be merely floating lazily on the surface of the calm water. We were
told she could always do this and make almost imperceptible headway,
provided there was no impending storm in the air. It seemed as if we
were scarcely moving, and the whole atmosphere surrounding us
expressed the most delicious tranquillity. The luncheon prepared for
us was of the daintiest and most elegant description, and Mr.
Harland, who on account of his ill-health seldom had any appetite,
enjoyed it with a zest and heartiness I had never seen him display
before. He particularly appreciated the wine, a rich, ruby-coloured
beverage which was unlike anything I had ever tasted.
"There is nothing remarkable about it,"—said Santoris, I when
questioned as to its origin—"It is simply REAL wine,—though you may
say that of itself is remarkable, there being none in the market. It
is the pure juice of the grape, prepared in such a manner as to
nourish the blood without inflaming it. It can do you no harm,—in
fact, for you, Harland, it is an excellent thing."
"Why for me in particular?" queried Harland, rather sharply.
"Because you need it,"—answered Santoris—"My dear fellow, you are
not in the best of health. And you will never get better under your
present treatment."
I looked up eagerly.
"That is what I, too, have thought,"—I said—"only I dared not
express it!"
Mr. Harland surveyed me with an amused smile.
"Dared not! I know nothing you would not dare!—but with all your
boldness, you are full of mere theories,—and theories never made an
ill man well yet."
Santoris exchanged a swift glance with me. Then he spoke:—
"Theory without practice is, of course, useless,"—he said—"But
surely you can see that this lady has reached a certain plane of
thought on which she herself dwells in health and content? And can
she not serve you as an object lesson?"
"Not at all,"—replied Mr. Harland, almost testily—"She is a woman
whose life has been immersed in study and contemplation, and because
she has allowed herself to forego many of the world's pleasures she
can be made happy by a mere nothing—a handful of roses—or the sound
of sweet music—"
"Are they 'nothings'?"—interrupted Santoris.
"To business men they are—"
"And business itself? Is it not also from some points of view a
'nothing'?"
"Santoris, if you are going to be 'transcendental' I will have none
of you!" said Mr. Harland, with a vexed laugh—"What I wish to say is
merely this—that my little friend here, for whom I have a great
esteem, let me assure her!—is not really capable of forming an
opinion of the condition of a man like myself, nor can she judge of
the treatment likely to benefit me. She does not even know the nature
of my illness—but I can see that she has taken a dislike to my
physician, Brayle—"
"I never 'take dislikes,' Mr. Harland,"—I interrupted, quickly—"I
merely trust to a guiding instinct which tells me when a man is
sincere or when he is acting a part. That's all."
"Well, you've decided that Brayle is not sincere,"—he
replied—"And you hardly think him clever. But if you would consider
the point logically—you might enquire what motive could he possibly
have for playing the humbug with me?"
Santoris smiled.
"Oh, man of 'business'! YOU can ask that?"
We were at the end of luncheon,—the servants had retired, and Mr.
Harland was sipping his coffee and smoking a cigar.
"You can ask that?" he repeated—"You, a millionaire, with one
daughter who is your sole heiress, can ask what motive a man like
Brayle,—worldly, calculating and without heart—has in keeping you
both—both, I say—you and your daughter equally—in his medical
clutches?"
Mr. Harland's sharp eyes flashed with a sudden menace.
"If I thought—" he began—then he broke off. Presently he
resumed— "You are not aware of the true state of affairs, Santoris.
Wizard and scientist as you are, you cannot know everything! I need
constant medical attendance—and my disease is incurable—"
"No!"—said Santoris, quietly—"Not incurable."
A sudden hope illumined Harland's worn and haggard face.
"Not incurable! But—my good fellow, you don't even know what it
is!"
"I do. I also know how it began, and when,—how it has progressed,
and how it will end. I know, too, how it can be checked—cut off in
its development, and utterly destroyed,—but the cure would depend on
yourself more than on Dr. Brayle or any other physician. At present no
good is being done and much harm. For instance, you are in pain now?"
"I am—but how can you tell?"
"By the small, almost imperceptible lines on your face which
contract quite unconsciously to yourself. I can stop that dreary
suffering at once for you, if you will let me."
"Oh, I will 'let' you, certainly!" and Mr. Harland smiled
incredulously,—"But I think you over-estimate your abilities."
"I was never a boaster,"—replied Santoris, cheerfully—"But you
shall keep whatever opinion you like of me." And he drew from his
pocket a tiny crystal phial set in a sheath of gold. "A touch of this
in your glass of wine will make you feel a new man."
We watched him with strained attention as he carefully allowed two
small drops of liquid, bright and clear as dew to fall one after the
other into Mr. Harland's glass.
"Now,"—he continued—"drink without fear, and say good-bye to all
pain for at least forty-eight hours."
With a docility quite unusual to him Mr. Harland obeyed.
"May I go on smoking?" he asked.
"You may."
A minute passed, and Mr. Harland's face expressed a sudden surprise
and relief.
"Well! What now?" asked Santoris—"How is the pain?"
"Gone!" he answered—"I can hardly believe it—but I'm bound to
admit it!"
"That's right! And it will not come back—not to-day, at any rate,
nor to-morrow. Shall we go on deck now?"
We assented. As we left the saloon he said:
"You must see the glow of the sunset over Loch Coruisk. It's always
a fine sight and it promises to be specially fine this evening,—
there are so many picturesque clouds floating about. We are turning
back to Loch Scavaig,—and when we get there we can land and do the
rest of the excursion on foot. It's not much of a climb; will you
feel equal to it?"
This question he put to me personally.
I smiled.
"Of course! I feel equal to anything! Besides, I've been very lazy
on board the 'Diana,' taking no real exercise. A walk will do me
good."
Mr. Harland seated himself in one of the long reclining chairs
which were placed temptingly under an awning on deck. His eyes were
clearer and his face more composed than I had ever seen it.
"Those drops you gave me are magical, Santoris!"—he said—"I wish
you'd let me have a supply!"
Santoris stood looking down upon him kindly.
"It would not be safe for you,"—he answered—"The remedy is a
sovereign one if used very rarely, and with extreme caution, but in
uninstructed hands it is dangerous. Its work is to stimulate certain
cells—at the same time (like all things taken in excess) it can
destroy them. Moreover, it would not agree with Dr. Brayle's
medicines."
"You really and truly think Brayle an impostor?"
"Impostor is a strong word! No!—I will give him credit for
believing in himself up to a certain point. But of course he knows
that the so-called 'electric' treatment he is giving to your daughter
is perfectly worthless, just as he knows that she is not really ill."
"Not really ill!"
Mr. Harland almost bounced up in his chair, while I felt a secret
thrill of satisfaction. "Why, she's been a miserable, querulous
invalid for years—"
"Since she broke off her engagement to a worthless rascal"—said
Santoris, calmly. "You see, I know all about it."
I listened, astonished. How did he know, how could he know, the
intimate details of a life like Catherine's which could scarcely be
of interest to a man such as he was?
"Your daughter's trouble is written on her face"—he went on—
"Warped affections, slain desires, disappointed hopes,—and neither
the strength nor the will to turn these troubles to blessings.
Therefore they resemble an army of malarious germs which are eating
away her moral fibre. Brayle knows that what she needs is the belief
that someone has an interest not only in her, but in the particularly
morbid view she has taught herself to take of life. He is actively
showing that interest. The rest is easy,—and will be easier
when—well!—when you are gone."
Mr. Harland was silent, drawing slow whiffs from his cigar. After a
long pause, he said—
"You are prejudiced, and I think you are mistaken. You only saw the
man for a few minutes last night, and you know nothing of him—"
"Nothing,—except what he is bound to reveal,"—answered Santoris.
"What do you mean?"
"You will not believe me if I tell you,"—and Santoris, drawing a
chair close to mine, sat down,—"Yet I am sure this lady, who is your
friend and guest, will corroborate what I say,—though, of course, you
will not believe HER! In fact, my dear Harland, as you have schooled
yourself to believe NOTHING, why urge me to point out a truth you
decline to accept? Had you lived in the time of Galileo you would have
been one of his torturers!"
"I ask you to explain," said Mr. Harland, with a touch of pique—
"Whether I accept your explanation or not is my own affair."
"Quite!" agreed Santoris, with a slight smile—"As I told you long
ago at Oxford, a man's life is his own affair entirely. He can do
what he likes with it. But he can no more command the RESULT of what
he does with it than the sun can conceal its rays. Each individual
human being, male and female alike, moves unconsciously in the light
of self-revealment, as though all his or her faults and virtues were
reflected like the colours in a prism, or were set out in a window
for passers-by to gaze upon. Fortunately for the general peace of
society, however, most passers-by are not gifted with the sight to
see the involuntary display."
"You speak in enigmas," said Harland, impatiently—"And I'm not
good at guessing them."
Santoris regarded him fixedly. His eyes were luminous and
compassionate.
"The simplest truths are to you 'enigmas,'" he said,
regretfully—"A pity it is so! You ask me what I mean when I say a man
is 'bound to reveal himself.' The process of self-revealment
accompanies self- existence, as much as the fragrance of a rose
accompanies its opening petals. You can never detach yourself from
your own enveloping aura neither in body nor in soul. Christ taught
this when He said:—'Let your light so shine before men that they may
see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.' Your
'light'—remember!—that word 'light' is not used here as a figure of
speech but as a statement of fact. A positive 'light' surrounds
you—it is exhaled and produced by your physical and moral being,—
and those among us who have cultivated their inner organs of vision
see IT before they see YOU. It can be of the purest radiance,—
equally it can be a mere nebulous film,—but whatever the moral and
physical condition of the man or woman concerned it is always shown
in the aura which each separate individual expresses for himself or
herself. In this way Dr. Brayle reveals his nature to me as well as
the chief tendency of his thoughts,—in this way YOU reveal yourself
and your present state of health,—it is a proved test that cannot go
wrong."
Mr. Harland listened with his usual air of cynical tolerance and
incredulity.
"I have heard this sort of nonsense before,"—he said—"I have even
read in otherwise reliable scientific journals about the 'auras' of
people affecting us with antipathies or sympathies for or against
them. But it's a merely fanciful suggestion and has no foundation in
reality."
"Why did you wish me to explain, then?" asked Santoris—"I can only
tell you what I know, and—what I see!"
Harland moved restlessly, holding his cigar between his fingers and
looking at it curiously to avoid, as I thought, the steadfast
brilliancy of the compelling eyes that were fixed upon him.
"These 'auras,'" he went on, indifferently, "are nothing but
suppositions. I grant you that certain discoveries are being made
concerning the luminosity of trees and plants which in some states of
the atmosphere give out rays of light,—but that human beings do the
same I decline to believe."
"Of course!" and Santoris leaned back in his chair easily, as
though at once dismissing the subject from his mind—"A man born blind
must needs decline to believe in the pleasures of sight."
Harland's wrinkled brow deepened its furrows in a frown.
"Do you mean to tell me,—do you DARE to tell me"—he said—"that
you see any 'aura,' as you call it, round my personality?"
"I do, most assuredly,"—answered Santoris—"I see it as distinctly
as I see yourself in the midst of it. But there is no actual light in
it,—it is mere grey mist,—a mist of miasma."
"Thank you!" and Harland laughed harshly—"You are complimentary!"
"Is it a time for compliments?" asked Santoris, with sudden
sternness—"Harland, would you have me tell you ALL?"
Harland's face grew livid. He threw up his hand with a warning
gesture.
"No!" he said, almost violently. He clutched the arm of his chair
with a nervous grip, and for one instant looked like a hunted
creature caught red-handed in some act of crime. Recovering himself
quickly, he forced a smile.
"What about our little friend's 'aura'?"-he queried, glancing at
me- -"Does she 'express' herself in radiance?"
Santoris did not reply for a moment. Then he turned his eyes
towards me almost wistfully.
"She does!"—he answered—"I wish you could see her as I see her!"
There was a moment's silence. My face grew warm, and I was vaguely
embarrassed, but I met his gaze fully and frankly.
"And I wish I could see myself as you see me,"—I said, half
laughingly—"For I am not in the least aware of my own aura."
"It is not intended that anyone should be visibly aware of it in
their own personality,"—he answered—"But I think it is right we
should realise the existence of these radiant or cloudy exhalations
which we ourselves weave around ourselves, so that we may 'walk in
the light as children of the light.'"
His voice sank to a grave and tender tone which checked Mr. Harland
in something he was evidently about to say, for he bit his lip and
was silent.
I rose from my chair and moved away then, looking—from the smooth
deck of the 'Dream' shadowed by her full white sails out to the peaks
of the majestic hills whose picturesque beauties are sung in the wild
strains of Ossian, and the projecting crags, deep hollows and lofty
pinnacles outlining the coast with its numerous waterfalls, lochs and
shadowy creeks. A thin and delicate haze of mist hung over the land
like a pale violet veil through which the sun shot beams of rose and
gold, giving a vaporous unsubstantial effect to the scenery as though
it were gliding with us like a cloud pageant on the surface of the
calm water. The shores of Loch Scavaig began to be dimly seen in the
distance, and presently Captain Derrick approached Mr. Harland,
spy-glass in hand.
"The 'Diana' must have gone for a cruise,"—he said, in rather a
perturbed way—"As far as I can make out, there's no sign of her
where we left her this morning."
Mr. Harland heard this indifferently.
"Perhaps Catherine wished for a sail,"—he answered. "There are
plenty on board to manage the vessel. You're not anxious?"
"Oh, not at all, sir, if you are satisfied,"—Derrick answered.
Mr. Harland stretched himself luxuriously in his chair.
"Personally, I don't mind where the 'Diana' has gone to for the
moment,"—he said, with a laugh—"I'm particularly comfortable where
I am. Santoris!"
"Here!" And Santoris, who had stepped aside to give some order to
one of his men, came up at the call.
"What do you say to leaving me on board while you and my little
friend go and see your sunset effect on Loch Coruisk by yourselves?"
Santoris heard this suggestion with an amused look.
"You don't care for sunsets?"
"Oh yes, I do,—in a way. But I've seen so many of them—"
"No two alike"—put in Santoris.
"I daresay not. Still, I don't mind missing a few. Just now I
should like a sound sleep rather than a sunset. It's very unsociable,
I know,—but—" here he half closed his eyes and seemed inclined to
doze off there and then.
Santoris turned to me.
"What do you say? Can you put up with my company for an hour or two
and allow me to be your guide to Loch Coruisk? Or would you, too,
rather not see the sunset?",
Our eyes met. A thrill of mingled joy and fear ran through me, and
again I felt that strange sense of power and dominance which had
previously overwhelmed me.
"Indeed, I have set my heart on going to Loch Coruisk"—I answered,
lightly—"And I cannot let you off your promise to take me there! We
will leave Mr. Harland to his siesta."
"You're sure you do not mind?"—said Harland, then, opening his
eyes drowsily—"You will be perfectly safe with Santoris."
I smiled. I did not need that assurance. And I talked gaily with
Captain Derrick on the subject of the 'Diana' and the course of her
possible cruise, while he scanned the waters in search of her,—and I
watched with growing impatience our gradual approach to Loch Scavaig,
which in the bright afternoon looked scarcely less dreary than at
night, especially now that the 'Diana' was no longer there to give
some air of human occupation to the wild and barren surroundings. The
sun was well inclined towards the western horizon when the 'Dream'
reached her former moorings and noiselessly dropped anchor, and about
twenty minutes later the electric launch belonging to the vessel was
lowered and I entered it with Santoris, a couple of his men managing
the boat as it rushed through the dark steel- coloured water to the
shore.
The touch of the earth seemed strange to me after nearly a week
spent at sea, and as I sprang from the launch on to the rough rocks,
aided by Santoris, I was for a moment faint and giddy. The dark
mountain summits seemed to swirl round me,—and the glittering water,
shining like steel, had the weird effect of a great mirror in which a
fluttering vision of something undefined and undeclared rose and
passed like a breath. I recovered myself with an effort and stood
still, trying to control the foolish throbbing of my heart, while my
companion gave a few orders to his men in a language which I thought I
knew, though I could not follow it.
"Are you speaking Gaelic?" I asked him, with a smile.
"No!—only something very like it—Phoenician."
He looked straight at me as he said this, and his eyes, darkly blue
and brilliant, expressed a world of suggestion. He went on:—
"All this country was familiar ground to the Phoenician colonists
of ages ago. I am sure you know that! The Gaelic tongue is the genuine
dialect of the ancient Phoenician Celtic, and when I speak the
original language to a Highlander who only knows his native Gaelic he
understands me perfectly."
I was silent. We moved away from the shore, walking slowly side by
side. Presently I paused, looking back at the launch we had just
left.
"Your men are not Highlanders?"
"No—they are from Egypt."
"But surely,"—I said, with some hesitation—"Phoenician is no
longer known or spoken?"
"Not by the world of ordinary men,"—he answered—"I know it and
speak it,—and so do most of those who serve me. You have heard it
before, only you do not quite remember." I looked at him, startled.
He smiled, adding gently:—"Nothing dies—not even a language!"
We were not yet out of sight of the men. They had pushed the launch
off shore again and were starting it back to the yacht, it being
arranged that they should return for us in a couple of hours. We were
following a path among slippery stones near a rushing torrent, but as
we turned round a sharp bend we lost the view of Loch Scavaig itself
and were for the first time truly alone. Huge mountains, crowned with
jagged pinnacles, surrounded us on all sides,—here and there tufts of
heather clinging to large masses of dark stone blazed rose-purple in
the declining sunshine,—the hollow sound of the falling stream made a
perpetual crooning music in our ears, and the warm, stirless air
seemed breathless, as though hung in suspense above us waiting for the
echo of some word or whisper that should betray a life's secret. Such
a silence held us that it was almost unbearable,—every nerve in my
body seemed like a strained harp- string ready to snap at a
touch,—and yet I could not speak. I tried to get the mastery over the
rising tide of thought, memory and emotion that surged in my soul like
a tempest—swiftly and peremptorily I argued with myself that the
extraordinary chaos of my mind was only due to my own
imaginings,—nevertheless, despite my struggles, I remained caught as
it were in a web that imprisoned every faculty and sense,—a web fine
as gossamer, yet unbreakable as iron. In a kind of desperation I
raised my eyes, burning with the heat of restrained tears, and saw
Santoris watching me with patient, almost appealing tenderness. I felt
that he could read my unexpressed trouble, and involuntarily I
stretched out my hands to him.
"Tell me!" I half whispered-"What is it I must know? We are
strangers—and yet—"
He caught my hands in his own.
"Not strangers!" he said, his voice trembling a little—"You cannot
say that! Not strangers—but old friends!"
The strong gentleness of his clasp recalled the warm pressure of
the invisible hands that had guided me out of darkness in my dream of
a few nights past. I looked up into his face, and every line of it
became suddenly, startlingly familiar. The deep-set blue eyes,—the
broad brows and intellectual features were all as well known to me as
might be the portrait of a beloved one to the lover, and my heart
almost stood still with the wonder and terror of the recognition.
"Not strangers,"—he repeated, with quiet emphasis, as though to
reassure me—"Only since we last met we have travelled far asunder.
Have yet a little patience! You will presently remember me as well as
I remember you!"
With the rush of startled recollection I found my voice.
"I remember you now!"—I said, in low, unsteady tones—"I have seen
you often—often! But where? Tell me where? Oh, surely you know!"
He still held my hands with the tenderest force,—and seemed, like
myself, to find speech difficult. If two deeply attached friends,
parted for many years, were all unexpectedly to meet in some solitary
place where neither had thought to see a living soul, their emotion
could hardly be keener than ours,—and yet—there was an invisible
barrier between us—a barrier erected either by him or by
myself,—something that held us apart. The sudden and overpowering
demand made upon our strength by the swift and subtle attraction
which drew us together was held in check by ourselves,—and it was as
if we were each separately surrounded by a circle across which neither
of us dared to pass. I looked at him in mingled fear and
questioning—his eyes were gravely thoughtful and full of light.
"Yes, I know,"—he answered, at last, speaking very softly—while,
gently releasing one of my hands, he held the other—"I know,—but we
need not speak of that! As I have already said, you will remember all
by gradual degrees. We are never permitted to entirely forget. But it
is quite natural that now—at this immediate hour—we should find it
strange—you, perhaps, more than I—that something impels us one to
the other,—something that will not be gainsaid,—something that if
all the powers of earth and heaven could intervene, which by simplest
law they cannot, will take no denial!"
I trembled, not with fear, but with an exquisite delight I dared
not pause to analyse. He pressed my hand more closely.
"We had better walk on,"—he continued, averting his gaze from mine
for the moment—"If I say more just now I shall say too much—and you
will be frightened,—perhaps offended. I have been guilty of so many
errors in the past,—you must help me to avoid them in the future.
Come!"—and he turned his eyes again upon me with a smile— "Let us
see the sunset!"
We moved on for a few moments in absolute silence, he still holding
my hand and guiding me up the rough path we followed. The noise of
the rushing torrent sounded louder in my ears, sometimes with a
clattering insistence as though it sought to match itself against the
surging of my own quick blood in an endeavour to drown my thoughts. On
we went and still onward,—the path seemed interminable, though it was
in reality a very short journey. But there was such a weight of
unutterable things pressing on my soul like a pent-up storm craving
for outlet, that every step measured itself as almost a mile.
At last we paused; we were in full view of Loch Coruisk and its
weird splendour. On all sides arose bare and lofty mountains, broken
and furrowed here and there by deep hollows and corries,—supremely
grand in their impressive desolation, uplifting their stony peaks
around us like the walls and turrets of a gigantic fortress, and
rising so abruptly and so impenetrably encompassing the black stretch
of water below, that it seemed impossible for a sunbeam to force its
shining entrance into such a circle of dense gloom. Yet there was a
shower of golden light pouring aslant down one of the highest of the
hills, brightening to vivid crimson stray clumps of heather, touching
into pale green some patches of moss and lichen, and giving the
dazzling flash of silver to the white wings of a sea- gull which
soared above our heads uttering wild cries like a creature in pain.
Pale blue mists were rising from the surface of the lake, and the
fitful gusts of air that rushed over the rocky summits played with
these impalpable vapours borne inland from the Atlantic, and tossed
them to and fro into fantastic shapes—some like flying forms with
long hair streaming behind them—some like armed warriors, hurtling
their spears against each other,—and some like veiled ghosts hurrying
past as though driven to their land of shadows by shuddering fear. We
stood silently hand in hand, watching the uneasy flitting of these
cloud phantoms, and waiting for the deepening glow, which, when it
should spread upwards from the rays of the sinking sun, would
transform the wild, dark scene to one of almost supernatural
splendour. Suddenly Santoris spoke:
"Now shall I tell you where we last met?" he asked, very gently—
"And may I show you the reasons why we meet again?"
I lifted my eyes to his. My heart beat with suffocating quickness,
and thoughts were in my brain that threatened to overwhelm my small
remaining stock of self-control and make of me nothing but a creature
of tears and passion. I moved my lips in an effort to speak, but no
sound came from them.
"Do not be afraid,"—he continued, in the same quiet tone—"It is
true that we must be careful now as in the past we were careless,—
but perfect comprehension of each other rests with ourselves. May I
go on?"
I gave a mute sign of assent. There was a rough craig near us,
curiously shaped like a sort of throne and canopy, the canopy being
formed by a thickly overhanging mass of rock and heather, and here he
made me sit down, placing himself beside me. From this point we
commanded a view of the head of the lake and the great mountain which
closes and dominates it,—and which now began to be illumined with a
strange witch-like glow of orange and purple, while a thin mist moved
slowly across it like the folds of a ghostly stage curtain preparing
to rise and display the first scene of some great drama.
"Sometimes," he then said,—"it happens, even in the world of cold
and artificial convention, that a man and woman are brought together
who, to their own immediate consciousness, have had no previous
acquaintance with each other, and yet with the lightest touch, the
swiftest glance of an eye, a million vibrations are set quivering in
them like harp-strings struck by the hand of a master and responding
each to each in throbbing harmony and perfect tune. They do not know
how it happens—they only feel it is. Then, nothing—I repeat this
with emphasis—nothing can keep them apart. Soul rushes to soul,—
heart leaps to heart,—and all form and ceremony, custom and usage
crumble into dust before the power that overwhelms them. These sudden
storms of etheric vibration occur every day among the most ordinary
surroundings and with the most unlikely persons, and Society as at
present constituted frowns and shakes its head, or jeers at what it
cannot understand, calling such impetuosity folly, or worse, while
remaining wilfully blind to the fact that in its strangest aspect it
is nothing but the assertion of an Eternal Law. Moreover, it is a law
that cannot be set aside or broken with impunity. Just as the one
point of vibration sympathetically strikes the other in the system of
wireless telegraphy, so, despite millions and millions of intervening
currents and lines of divergence, the immortal soul-spark strikes its
kindred fire across a waste of worlds until they meet in the
compelling flash of that God's Message called Love!"
He paused—then went on slowly:—
"No force can turn aside one from the other,—nothing can
intervene- -not because it is either romance or reality, but simply
because it is a law. You understand?"
I bent my head silently.
"It may be thousands of years before such a meeting is
consummated,"—he continued—"For thousands of years are but hours in
the eternal countings. Yet in those thousands of years what lives must
be lived!—what lessons must be learned!—what sins committed and
expiated!—what precious time lost or found!—what happiness missed or
wasted!"
His voice thrilled—and again he took my hand and held it gently
clasped.
"You must believe in yourself alone,"—he said,—"if any lurking
thought suggests a disbelief in me! It is quite natural that you
should doubt me a little. You have studied long and deeply—you have
worked hard at problems which puzzle the strongest man's brain, and
you have succeeded in many things because you have kept what most men
manage to lose when grappling with Science,—Faith. You have always
studied with an uplifted heart—uplifted towards the things unseen and
eternal. But it has been a lonely heart, too,—as lonely as mine!"
A moment's silence followed,—a silence that seemed heavy and dark,
like a passing cloud, and instinctively I looked up to see if indeed
a brooding storm was not above us. A heaven of splendid colour met my
gaze—the whole sky was lighted with a glory of gold and blue. But
below this flaming radiance there was a motionless mass of grey
vapour, hanging square as it seemed across the face of the lofty
mountain at the head of the lake, like a great canvas set ready for
an artist's pencil and prepared to receive the creation of his
thought. I watched this in a kind of absorbed fascination, conscious
that the warm hand holding mine had strengthened its close grasp,—
when suddenly something sharp and brilliant, like the glitter of a
sword or a forked flash of lightning, passed before my eyes with a
dizzying sensation, and the lake, the mountains, the whole landscape,
vanished like a fleeting mirage, and in all the visible air only the
heavy curtain of mist remained. I made an effort to move—to speak—in
vain! I thought some sudden illness must have seized me—yet no!—for
the half-swooning feeling that had for a moment unsteadied my nerves
had already passed—and I was calm enough. Yet I saw more plainly than
I have ever seen anything in visible Nature, a slowly moving, slowly
passing panorama of scenes and episodes that presented themselves in
marvellous outline and colouring,—pictures that were gradually
unrolled and spread out to my view on the grey background of that
impalpable mist which like a Shadow hung between myself and
impenetrable Mystery, and I realised to the full that an eternal
record of every life is written not only in sound, but in light, in
colour, in tune, in mathematical proportion and harmony,—and that not
a word, not a thought, not an action is forgotten!
A vast forest rose before me. I saw the long shadows of the leafy
boughs flung thick upon the sward and the wild tropical vines hanging
rope-like from the intertwisted stems. A golden moon looked warmly in
between the giant branches, flooding the darkness of the scene with
rippling radiance, and within its light two human beings walked,—a
man and woman—their arms round each other,—their faces leaning close
together. The man seemed pleading with his companion for some favour
which she withheld, and presently she drew herself away from him
altogether with a decided movement of haughty rejection. I could not
see her face,—but her attire was regal and splendid, and on her head
there shone a jewelled diadem. Her lover stood apart for a moment with
bent head—then he threw himself on his knees before her and caught
her hand in an evident outburst of passionate entreaty. And while they
stood thus together, I saw the phantom-like figure of another woman
moving towards them—she came directly into the foreground of the
picture, her white garments clinging round her, her fair hair flung
loosely over her shoulders, and her whole demeanour expressing
eagerness and fear. As she approached, the man sprang up from his
knees and, with a gesture of fury, drew a dagger from his belt and
plunged it into her heart! I saw her reel back from the blow—I saw
the red blood well up through the whiteness of her clothing, and as
she turned towards her murderer, with a last look of appeal, I
recognised MY OWN FACE IN HERS!—and in his THE FACE OF SANTORIS! I
uttered a cry,—or thought I uttered it—a darkness swept over me—and
the vision vanished!
* * *
* *
*
Another vivid flash struck my eyes, and I found myself looking upon
the crowded thoroughfares of a great city. Towers and temples,
palaces and bridges, presented themselves to my gaze in a network of
interminable width and architectural splendour, moving and swaying
before me like a wave glittering with a thousand sparkles uplifted to
the light. Presently this unsteadiness of movement resolved itself
into form and order, and I became, as it were, one unobserved
spectator among thousands, of a scene of picturesque magnificence. It
seemed that I stood in the enormous audience hall of a great palace,
where there were crowds of slaves, attendants and armed men,—on all
sides arose huge pillars of stone on which were carved the winged
heads of monsters and fabulous gods,—and looming out of the shadows I
saw the shapes of four giant Sphinxes which guarded a throne set high
above the crowd. A lambent light played quiveringly on the gorgeous
picture, growing more and more vivid as I looked, and throbbing with
colour and motion,—and I saw that on the throne there sat a woman
crowned and veiled,—her right hand held a sceptre blazing with gold
and gems. Slaves clad in costumes of the richest workmanship and
design abased themselves on either side of her, and I heard the clash
of brazen cymbals and war-like music, as the crowd of people surged
and swayed, and murmured and shouted, all apparently moved by some
special excitement or interest. Suddenly I perceived the object on
which the general attention was fixed—the swooning body of a man,
heavily bound in chains and lying at the foot of the throne. Beside
him stood a tall black slave, clad in vivid scarlet and masked,—this
sinister-looking creature held a gleaming dagger uplifted ready to
strike,—and as I saw this, a wild yearning arose in me to save the
threatened life of the bound and helpless victim. If I could only rush
to defend and drag him away from impending peril, I thought!—but
no!—I was forced to stand helplessly watching the scene, with every
fibre of my brain burning with pent-up anguish. At this moment, the
crowned and veiled woman on the throne suddenly rose and stood
upright,—with a commanding gesture she stretched out her glittering
sceptre—the sign was given! Swiftly the dagger gleamed through the
air and struck its deadly blow straight home! I turned away my eyes in
shuddering horror,—but was compelled by some invincible power to
raise them again,—and the scene before me glowed red as with the hue
of blood- -I saw the slain victim,—the tumultuous crowd—and above
all, the relentless Queen who, with one movement of her little hand,
had swept away a life,—and as I looked upon her loathingly, she threw
back her shrouding golden veil. MY OWN FACE LOOKED FULL AT ME from
under the jewelled arch of her sparkling diadem—ah, wicked soul!—I
wildly cried—pitiless Queen!—then, as they lifted the body of the
murdered man, his livid countenance was turned towards me, and I saw
again the face of Santoris! Dumb and despairing I sank as it were
within myself, chilled with inexplicable misery, and I heard for the
first time in this singular pageant of vision a Voice—slow, calm,
and thrilling with infinite sadness:
"A life for a life!"—it said—"The old eternal law!—a life for a
life! There is nothing taken which shall not be returned again—
nothing lost which shall not be found—a life for a life!"
Then came silence and utter darkness.
* * *
* *
*
Slowly brightening, slowly widening, a pale radiance like the
earliest glimmer of dawn stole gently on my eyes when I again raised
them. I saw the waving curve of a wide, sluggishly flowing river, and
near it a temple of red granite stood surrounded with shadowing
foliage and bright clumps of flowers. Huge palms lifted their fronded
heads to the sky, and on the edge of the quiet stream there loitered a
group of girls and women. One of these stood apart, sad and alone, the
others looking at her with something of pity and scorn. Near her was a
tall upright column of black basalt, as it seemed, bearing the
sculptured head of a god. The features were calm and strong and
reposeful, expressive of dignity, wisdom and power. And as I looked,
more people gathered together—I heard strains of solemn music pealing
from the temple close by—and I saw the solitary woman draw herself
farther apart and almost disappear among the shadows. The light grew
brighter in the east,—the sun shot a few advancing rays
upward,—suddenly the door of the temple was thrown open, and a long
procession of priests carrying flaming tapers and attended by boys in
white garments and crowned with flowers made their slow and stately
way towards the column with the god-like Head upon it and began to
circle round it, chanting as they walked, while the flower-crowned
boys swung golden censers to and fro, impregnating the air with rich
perfume. The people all knelt— and still the priests paced round and
round, chanting and murmuring prayers,—till at last the great sun
lifted the edge of its glowing disc above the horizon, and its rays
springing from the east like golden arrows, struck the brow of the
Head set on its basalt pedestal. With the sudden glitter of this
morning glory the chanting ceased,—the procession stopped; and one
priest, tall and commanding of aspect, stepped forth from the rest,
holding up his hands to enjoin silence. And then the Head quivered as
with life,—its lips moved—there was a rippling sound like the chord
of a harp smitten by the wind,—and a voice, full, sweet and resonant,
spoke aloud the words:—
"I face the Sunrise!"
With a shout of joy priests and people responded:
"We face the Sunrise!"
And he who seemed the highest in authority, raising his arms
invokingly towards heaven, exclaimed:
"Even so, O Mightiest among the Mighty, let us ever remember that
Thy Shadow is but part of Thy Light,—that Sorrow is but the passing
humour of Joy—and that Death is but the night which dawns again into
Life! We face the Sunrise!"
Then all who were assembled joined in singing a strange half-
barbaric song and chorus of triumph, to the strains of which they
slowly moved off and disappeared like shapes breathed on a mirror and
melting away. Only the tall high priest remained,—and he stood alone,
waiting, as it were, for something eagerly expected and desired. And
presently the woman who had till now remained hidden among the shadows
of the surrounding trees, came swiftly forward. She was very pale—her
eyes shone with tears—and again I saw MY OWN FACE IN HERS. The priest
turned quickly to greet her, and I distinctly heard every word he
spoke as he caught her hands in his own and drew her towards him.
"Everything in this world and the next I will resign," he
said—"for love of thee! Honour, dignity and this poor earth's renown
I lay at thy feet, thou most beloved of women! What other thing
created or imagined can be compared to the joy of thee?—to the
sweetness of thy lips, the softness of thy bosom—the love that
trembles into confession with thy smile! Imprison me but in thine arms
and I will count my very soul well lost for an hour of love with thee!
Ah, deny me not!—turn me not away from thee again!—love comes but
once in life—such love as ours!—early or late, but once!"
She looked at him with tender passion and pity—a look in which I
thankfully saw there was no trace of pride, resentment or affected
injury.
"Oh, my beloved!" she answered, and her voice, plaintive and sweet,
thrilled on the silence like a sob of pain—"Why wilt thou rush on
destruction for so poor a thing as I am? Knowest thou not, and wilt
thou not remember that, to a priest of thy great Order, the love of
woman is forbidden, and the punishment thereof is death? Already the
people view thee with suspicion and me with scorn—forbear, O
dearest, bravest soul!—be strong!"
"Strong?" he echoed—"Is it not strong to love?—ay, the very best
of strength! For what avails the power of man if he may not bend a
woman to his will? Child, wherever love is there can be no death, but
only life! Love is as the ever-flowing torrent of eternity in my
veins—the pulse of everlasting youth and victory! What are the
foolish creeds of man compared with this one Truth of Nature—Love!
Is not the Deity Himself the Supreme Lover?—and wouldst thou have me
a castaway from His holiest ordinance? Ah no!—come to me, my
beloved!—soul of my soul—inmost core of my heart! Come to me in the
silence when no one sees and no one hears—come when—"
He broke off, checked by her sudden smile and look of rapture. Some
thought had evidently, like a ray of light, cleared her doubts away.
"So be it!" she said—"I give thee all myself from henceforth!—I
will come!"
He uttered an exclamation of relief and joy, and drew her closer,
till her head rested on his breast and her loosened hair fell in a
shower across his arms.
"At last!" he murmured—"At last! Mine—all mine this tender soul,
this passionate heart!—mine this exquisite life to do with as I
will! O crown of my best manhood!—when wilt thou come to me?"
She answered at once without hesitation.
"To-night!" she said—"To-night, when the moon rises, meet me here
in this very place,—this sacred grove where Memnon hears thy vows to
him broken, and my vows consecrated to thee!—and as I live I swear I
will be all thine! But now—leave me to pray!"
She lifted her head and looked into his adoring eyes,—then kissed
him with a strange, grave tenderness as though bidding him farewell,
and with a gentle gesture motioned him away. Elated and flushed with
joy, he obeyed her sign, and left her, disappearing in the same
phantom-like way in which all the other figures in this weird dream-
drama had made their exit. She watched him go with a wistful yearning
gaze—then in apparent utter desperation she threw herself on her
knees before the impassive Head on its rocky pedestal and prayed
aloud:
"O hidden and unknown God whom we poor earthly creatures
symbolise!- -give me the strength to love unselfishly—the patience to
endure uncomplainingly! Thou, Heart of Stone, temper with thy coldest
wisdom my poor throbbing heart of flesh! Help me to quell the tempest
in my soul, and let me be even as thou art—inflexible,
immovable,—save when the sun strikes music from thy dreaming brows
and tells thee it is day! Forgive, O great God, forgive the fault of
my beloved!—a fault which is not his, but mine, merely because I
live and he hath found me fair,—let all be well for him,—but for me
let nothing evermore be either well or ill—and teach me—even me—to
face the Sunrise!"
Her voice ceased—a mist came before me for a moment—and when this
cleared, the same scene was presented to me under the glimmer of a
ghostly moon. And she who looked so like myself, lay dead at the foot
of the great Statue, her hands clasped on her breast, her eyes closed,
her mouth smiling as in sleep, while beside her raved and wept her
priestly lover, invoking her by every tender name, clasping her
lifeless body in his arms, covering her face with useless passionate
kisses, and calling her back with wild grief from the silence into
which her soul had fled. And I knew then that she had put all thought
of self aside in a sense of devotion to duty,—she had chosen what she
imagined to be the only way out of difficulty,— to save the honour of
her lover she had slain herself. But—was it wise? Or foolish? This
thought pressed itself insistently home to my mind. She had given her
life to serve a mistaken creed,—she had bowed to the conventions of a
temporary code of human law—yet— surely God was above all strange
and unnatural systems built up by man for his own immediate
convenience, vanity or advantage, and was not Love the nearest thing
to God? And if those two souls were destined lovers, COULD they be
divided, even by their own rashness? These questions were curiously
urged upon my inward consciousness as I looked again upon the poor
fragile corpse among the reeds and palms of the sluggishly flowing
river, and heard the clamorous despair of the man to whom she might
have been joy, inspiration and victory had not the world been then as
it is not now—the man, who as the light of the moonbeams fell upon
him, showed me in his haggard and miserable features the spectral
likeness of Santoris. Was it right, I asked myself, that the two
perfect lines of a mutual love should be swept asunder?—or if it was,
as some might conceive it, right according to certain temporary and
conventional views of 'rightness.' was it POSSIBLE to so sever them?
Would it not be well if we all occasionally remembered that there is
an eternal law of harmony between souls as between spheres?—and that
if we ourselves bring about a divergence we also bring about discord?
And again,— that if discord results by our inter-meddling, it is
AGAINST THE LAW, and must by the working of natural forces be resolved
into concord again, whether such resolvance take ten, a hundred, a
thousand or ten thousand years? Of what use, then, is the struggle we
are for ever making in our narrow and limited daily lives to resist
the wise and holy teaching of Nature? Is it not best to yield to the
insistence of the music of life while it sounds in our ears? For
everything must come round to Nature's way in the end—her way being
God's way, and God's way the only way! So I thought, as in
half-dreaming fashion I watched the vision of the dead woman and her
despairing lover fade into the impenetrable shadows of mystery
veiling the record of the light beyond.
* * *
* *
*
Presently I became conscious of a deep murmuring sound tike the
subdued hum of many thousands of voices,—and lifting my eyes I saw
the wide circular sweep of a vast arena crowded with people. In the
centre, and well to the front of the uplifted tiers of seats, there
was a gorgeous pavilion of gold, draped with gaudy coloured silk and
hung with festoons of roses, wherein sat a heavily-built, brutish-
looking man royally robed and crowned, and wearing jewels In such
profusion as to seem literally clothed in flashing points of light.
Beautiful women were gathered round him,—boys with musical
instruments crouched at his feet—attendants stood on every hand to
minister to his slightest call or signal,—and all eyes were fixed
upon him as upon some worshipped god of a nation's idolatry. I felt
and knew that I was looking upon the 'shadow-presentment' of the
Roman tyrant Nero; and I wondered vaguely how it chanced that he, in
all the splendour of his wild and terrible career of wickedness,
should be brought into this phantasmagoria of dream in which I and
One Other alone seemed to be chiefly concerned. There were strange
noises in my ears,—the loud din of trumpets—the softer sound of
harps played enchantingly in some far-off distance—the ever-
increasing loud buzzing of the voices of the multitude—and then all
at once the roar as of angry wild beasts in impatience or pain. The
time of this vision seemed to be late afternoon—I thought I could
see a line of deep rose colour in a sky where the sun had lately
set—the flare of torches glimmered all round the arena and beyond
it, striking vivid brilliancy from the jewels on Nero's breast and
throwing into strong relief the groups of soldiers and people
immediately around him. I perceived now that the centre of the arena,
previously empty, had become the one spot on which the looks of the
people began to turn—one woman stood there all alone, clad in white,
her arms crossed on her breast. So still was she,—so apparently
unconscious of her position, that the mob, ever irritated by calmness,
grew suddenly furious, and a fierce cry arose:—"Ad leones! Ad
leones!" The great Emperor stirred from his indolent, half-reclining
position and leaned forward with a sudden look of interest on his
lowering features,—and as he did so a man attired in the costume of a
gladiator entered the arena from one of its side doors and with a calm
step and assured demeanour walked up to the front of the royal dais
and there dropped on one knee. Then quickly rising he drew himself
erect and waited, his eyes fixed on the woman who stood as immovably
as a statue, apparently resigned to some untoward fate. And again the
vast crowd shouted "Ad leones! Ad leones!" There came a heavy grating
noise of drawn bolts and bars— the sound of falling chains—then a
savage animal roar—and two lean and ferocious lions sprang into the
arena, lashing their tails, their manes bristling and their eyes
aglare. Quick as thought, the gladiator stood in their path—and I
swiftly recognised the nature of the 'sport' that had brought the
Emperor and all this brave and glittering show of humanity out to
watch what to them was merely a 'sensation'—the life of a Christian
dashed out by the claws and fangs of wild beasts—a common pastime,
all unchecked by either the mercy of man or the intervention of God! I
understood as clearly as if the explanation had been volunteered to me
in so many words, that the woman who awaited her death so immovably
had only one chance of rescue, and that chance was through the
gladiator, who, to please the humour of the Emperor, had been brought
hither to combat and frighten them off their intended victim,—the
reward for him, if he succeeded, being the woman herself. I gazed with
aching, straining eyes on the wonderful dream-spectacle, and my heart
thrilled as I saw one of the lions stealthily approach the solitary
martyr and prepare to spring. Like lightning, the gladiator was upon
the famished brute, fighting it back in a fierce and horrible contest,
while the second lion, pouncing forward and bent on a similar attack,
was similarly repulsed. The battle between man and beasts was furious,
prolonged and terrible to witness—and the excitement became intense.
"Ad leones! Ad leones!" was now the universal wild shout, rising ever
louder and louder into an almost frantic clamour. The woman meanwhile
never stirred from her place—she might have been frozen to the ground
where she stood. She appeared to notice neither the lions who were
ready to devour her, nor the gladiator who combated them in her
defence—and I studied her strangely impassive figure with keen
interest, waiting to see her face,—for I instinctively felt I should
recognise it. Presently, as though in response to my thought, she
turned towards me,—and as in a mirror I saw MY OWN REFLECTED
PERSONALITY again as I had seen it so many times in this chain of
strange episodes with which I was so singularly concerned though still
an outside spectator. Between her Shadow-figure and what I felt of my
own existing Self there seemed to be a pale connecting line of light,
and all my being thrilled towards her with a curiously vague anxiety.
A swirling mist came before my eyes suddenly,—and when this cleared I
saw that the combat was over—the lions lay dead and weltering in
their blood on the trampled sand of the arena, and the victorious
gladiator stood near their prone bodies triumphant, amid the deafening
cheers of the crowd. Wreaths of flowers were tossed to him from the
people, who stood up in their seats all round the great circle to hail
him with their acclamations, and the Emperor, lifting his unwieldy
body from under his canopy of gold, stretched out his hand as a sign
that the prize which the dauntless combatant had fought to win was
his. He at once obeyed the signal;—but now the woman, hitherto so
passive and immovable, stirred. Fixing upon the gladiator a glance of
the deepest reproach and anguish, she raised her arms warningly as
though forbidding him to approach her—and then fell face forward on
the ground. He rushed to her side, and kneeling down sought to lift
her;—then suddenly he sprang erect with a loud cry:—
"Great Emperor! I asked of thee a living love!—and this is dead!"
A ripple of laughter ran through the crowd. The Emperor leaned
forward from his throne and smiled.
"Thank your Christian God for that!" he said—"Our pagan deities
are kinder! They give us love for love!"
The gladiator gave a wild gesture of despair and turned his face
upward to the light—THE FACE OF SANTORIS!
"Dead!—dead!"—he cried—"Of what use then is life? Dark are the
beloved eyes!—cold is the generous heart!—the fight has been in
vain—my victory mocks me with its triumph! The world is empty!"
Again the laughter of the populace stirred the air.
"Go to, man!"—and the rough voice of Nero sounded harshly above
the murmurous din—"The world was never the worse for one woman the
less! Wouldst thou also be a Christian? Take heed! Our lions are
still hungry! Thy love is dead, 'tis true, but WE have not killed
her! She trusted in her God, and He has robbed thee of thy lawful
possession. Blame Him, not us! Go hence, with thy laurels bravely
won! Nero commends thy prowess!"
He flung a purse of gold at the gladiator's feet—and then I saw
the whole scene melt away into a confused mass of light and colour
till all was merely a pearl-grey haze floating before my eyes. Yet I
was hardly allowed a moment's respite before another scene presented
itself like a painting upon the curtain of vapour which hung so
persistently in front of me—a scene which struck a closer chord upon
my memory than any I had yet beheld.
* * *
* *
*
The cool, spacious interior of a marble-pillared hall or studio
slowly disclosed itself to my view—it was open to an enchanting
vista of terraced gardens and dark undulating woods, and gay
parterres of brilliant blossom were spread in front of it like a
wonderfully patterned carpet of intricate and exquisite design.
Within it was all the picturesque grace and confusion of an artist's
surroundings; and at a great easel, working assiduously, was one who
seemed to be the artist himself, his face turned from me towards his
canvas. Posed before him, in an attitude of indolent grace, was a
woman, arrayed in clinging diaphanous drapery, a few priceless jewels
gleaming here and there like stars upon her bosom and arms— her hair,
falling in loose waves from a band of pale blue velvet fastened across
it, was of a warm brown hue like an autumn leaf with the sun upon it,
and I could see that whatever she might be according to the strictest
canons of beauty, the man who was painting her portrait considered her
more than beautiful. I heard his voice, in the low, murmurous yet
perfectly distinct way in which all sounds were conveyed to me in this
dream pageant—it was exactly as if persons on the stage were speaking
to an audience.
"If we could understand each other,"—he said—"I think all would
be well with us in time and eternity!"
There was a pause. The picturesque scene before me seemed to glow
and gather intensity as I gazed.
"If you could see what is in my heart,"—he continued—"you would
be satisfied that no greater love was ever given to woman than mine
for you! Yet I would not say I give it to you—for I have striven
against it." He paused—and when he spoke again his words were so
distinct that they seemed close to my ears.
"It has been wrung out of my very blood and soul—I can no more
resist it than I can resist the force of the air by which I live and
breathe. I ought not to love you,—you are a joy forbidden to me—
and yet I feel, rightly speaking, that you are already mine—that you
belong to me as the other half of myself, and that this has been so
from the beginning when God first ordained the mating of souls. I tell
you I FEEL this, but cannot explain it,—and I grasp at you as my one
hope of joy!—I cannot let you go!"
She was silent, save for a deep sigh that stirred her bosom under
its folded lace and made her jewels sparkle like sunbeams on the sea.
"If I lose you now, having known and loved you," he went on—"I
lose my art. Not that this would matter—"
Her voice trembled on the air.
"It would matter a great deal"—she said, softly—"to the world!"
"The world!" he echoed—"What need I care for it? Nothing seems of
value to me where you are not—I am nerveless, senseless, hopeless
without you. My inspiration—such as it is—comes from you—"
She moved restlessly—her face was turned slightly away so that I
could not see it.
"My inspiration comes from you,"—he repeated—"The tender look of
your eyes fills me with dreams which might—I do not say would—
realise themselves in a life's renown—but all this is perhaps
nothing to you. What, after all, can I offer you? Nothing but love!
And here in Florence you could command more lovers than there are
days in the week, did you choose—but people say you are untouchable
by love even at its best. Now I—"
Here he stopped abruptly and laid down his brush, looking full at
her.
"I," he continued—"love you at neither best nor worst, but simply
and entirely with all of myself—all that a man can be in passionate
heart, soul and body!"
(How the words rang out! I could have sworn they were spoken close
beside me and not by dream-voices in a dream!)
"If you loved me—ah God!—what that would mean! If you dared to
brave everything—if you had the courage of love to break down all
barriers between yourself and me!—but you will not do this—the
sacrifice would be too great—too unusual—"
"You think it would?"
The question was scarcely breathed. A look of sudden amazement
lightened his face—then he replied, gently—
"I think it would! Women are impulsive,—generous to a fault—they
give what they afterwards regret—who can blame them! You have much
to lose by such a sacrifice as I should ask of you—I have all to
gain. I must not be selfish. But I love you!—and your love would be
to more than the hope of Heaven!"
And now strange echoes of a modern poet's rhyme became mingled in
my dream:
"You have chosen and clung to the chance they sent you—
Life sweet as perfume and pure as prayer,
But will it not one day in heaven repent you?
Will they solace you wholly, the days that were?
Will you lift up your eyes between sadness and bliss,
Meet mine and see where the great love is?
And tremble and turn and be changed?—Content you;
The gate is strait; I shall not be there.
Yet I know this well; were you once sealed mine,
Mine in the blood's beat, mine in the breath,
Mixed into me as honey in wine,
Not time that sayeth and gainsayeth,
Nor all strong things had severed us then,
Not wrath of gods nor wisdom of men,
Nor all things earthly nor all divine,
Nor joy nor sorrow, nor life nor death!"
I watched with a deepening thrill of anxiety the scene in the
studio, and my thoughts centred themselves upon the woman who sat
there so quietly, seeming all unmoved by the knowledge that she held
a man's life and future fame in her hands. The artist took up his
palette and brushes again and began to work swiftly, his hand
trembling a little.
"You have my whole confession now!"—he said—"You know that you
are the eyes of the world to me—the glory of the sun and the moon!
All my art is in your smile—all my life responds to your touch.
Without you I am—can be nothing—Cosmo de Medicis—"
At this name a kind of shadow crept upon the scene, together with a
sense of cold.
"Cosmo de Medicis"—he repeated, slowly—"my patron, would scarcely
thank me for the avowals I have made to his fair ward!—one whom he
intends to honour with his own alliance. I am here by his order to
paint the portrait of his future bride!—not to look at her with the
eyes of a lover. But the task is too difficult—"
A little sound escaped her, like a smothered cry of pain. He turned
towards her.
"Something in your face,"—he said—"a touch of longing in your
sweet eyes, has made me risk telling you all, so that you may at
least choose your own way of love and life—for there is no real life
without love."
Suddenly she rose and confronted him—and once again, as in a magic
mirror, I saw MY OWN REFLECTED PERSONALITY. There were tears in her
eyes,—yet a smile quivered on her mouth.
"My beloved!"—she said—and then paused, as if afraid.
A look of wonder and rapture came on his face like the light of
sunrise, and I RECOGNISED THE NOW FAMILIAR FEATURES OF SANTORIS! Very
gently he laid down his palette and brushes and stood waiting in a
kind of half expectancy, half doubt.
"My beloved!" she repeated—"Have you not seen?—do you not know? O
my genius!—my angel!—am I so hard to read?—so difficult to win?"
Her voice broke in a sob—she made an uncertain step forward, and
he sprang to meet her.
"I love you, love you!"—she cried, passionately—"Let the whole
world forsake me, if only you remain! I am all yours!—do with me as
you will!"
He caught her in his arms—straining her to his heart with all the
passion of a long-denied lover's embrace—their lips met—and for a
brief space they were lost in that sudden and divine rapture that
comes but once in a lifetime,—when like a shivering sense of cold
the name again was whispered:
"Cosmo de Medicis!"
A shadow fell across the scene, and a woman, dark and heavy-
featured, stood like a blot in the sunlit brightness of the studio,-
-a woman very richly attired, who gazed fixedly at the lovers with
round, suspicious eyes and a sneering smile. The artist turned and
saw her—his face changed from joy to a pale anxiety—yet, holding
his love with one arm, he flung defiance at her with uplifted head
and fearless demeanour.
"Spy!"—he exclaimed—"Do your worst! Let us have an end of your
serpent vigilance and perfidy!—better death than the constant sight
of you! What! Have you not watched us long enough to make discovery
easy? Do your worst, I say, and quickly!"
The cruel smile deepened on the woman's mouth,—she made no answer,
but simply raised her hand. In immediate obedience to the signal, a
man, clad in the Florentine dress of the sixteenth century, and
wearing a singular collar of jewels, stepped out from behind a
curtain, attended by two other men, who, by their dress, were, or
seemed to be, of inferior rank. Without a word, these three threw
themselves upon the unarmed and defenceless painter with the fury of
wild animals pouncing on prey. There was a brief and breathless
struggle—three daggers gleamed in air—a shriek rang through the
stillness—another instant and the victim lay dead, stabbed to the
heart, while she who had just clung to his living body and felt the
warmth of his living lips against hers, dropped on her knees beside
the corpse with wild waitings of madness and despair.
"Another crime on your soul, Cosmo de Medicis!"—she
cried—"Another murder of a nobler life than your own!—may Heaven
curse you for it! But you have not parted my love from me—no!—you
have but united us for ever! We escape you and your spies—thus!"
And snatching a dagger from the hand of one of the assassins before
he could prevent her, she plunged it into her own breast. She fell
without a groan, self-slain,—and I saw, as in a mist of breath on a
mirror, the sudden horror on the faces of the men and the one woman
who were left to contemplate the ghastly deed they had committed. And
then—noting as in some old blurred picture the features of the man
who wore the collar of jewels, I felt that I knew him—yet I could not
place him in any corner of my immediate recognition. Gradually this
strange scene of cool white marble vastness with its brilliant vista
of flowers and foliage under the bright Italian sky, and the betrayed
lovers lying dead beside each other in the presence of their
murderers, passed away like a floating cloud,—and the same slow, calm
Voice I had heard once before now spoke again in sad, stern accents:
"Jealousy is cruel as the grave!—the coals thereof are coals of
fire which hath a most vehement flame! Many waters cannot quench
love, neither can the floods drown it—if a man would give all his
substance for love it would be utterly contemned!"
* * *
* *
*
I closed my eyes,—or thought I closed them—a vague terror was
growing upon me,—a terror of myself and a still greater terror of
the man beside me who held my hand,—yet something prevented me from
turning my head to look at him, and another still stronger emotion
possessed me with a force so overpowering that I could hardly breathe
under the weight and pain of it, but I could give it no name. I could
not think at all—and I had ceased even to wonder at the strangeness
and variety of these visions or dream-episodes full of colour and
sound which succeeded each other so swiftly. Therefore it hardly
seemed remarkable to me when I saw the heavy curtain of mist which
hung in front of my eyes suddenly reft asunder in many places and
broken into a semblance of the sea.
* * *
* *
*
A wild sea! Gloomily grey and grand in its onsweeping wrath, its
huge billows rose and fell like moving mountains convulsed by an
earthquake,—light and shadow combated against each other in its dark
abysmal depths and among its toppling crests of foam—I could hear the
savage hiss and boom of breakers dashing themselves to pieces on some
unseen rocky coast far away,—and my heart grew cold with dread as I
beheld a ship in full sail struggling against the heavy onslaught of
the wind on that heaving wilderness of waters, like a mere feather
lost from a sea-gull's wing. Flying along like a hunted creature she
staggered and plunged, her bowsprit dipping into deep chasms from
which she was tossed shudderingly upward again as in light contempt,
and as she came nearer and nearer into my view I could discern some of
the human beings on board—the man at the wheel, with keen eyes
peering into the gathering gloom of the storm, his hair and face
dashed with spray,—the sailors, fighting hard to save the rigging
from being torn to pieces and flung into the sea,— then—a sudden
huge wave swept her directly in front of me, and I saw the two
distinct personalities that had been so constantly presented to me
during this strange experience,—THE MAN WITH THE FACE OF
SANTORIS—THE WOMAN WITH MY OWN FACE SO TRULY REFLECTED that I might
have been looking at myself in a mirror. And just now the resemblance
to us both was made more close and striking than it had been in any of
the previous visions—that is to say, the likenesses of ourselves were
given almost as we now existed. The man held the woman beside him
closely clasped with one arm, supporting her and himself, with the
other thrown round one of the shaking masts. I saw her look up to him
with the light of a great and passionate love in her eyes. And I heard
him say:—
"The end of sorrow and the beginning of joy! You are not afraid?"
"Afraid?" And her voice had no tremor—"With you?"
He caught her closer to his heart and kissed her not once but many
times in a kind of mingled rapture and despair.
"This is death, my beloved!"—he said.
And her answer pealed out with tender certainty. "No!—not death,
but life!—and love!"
A cry went up from the sailors—a cry of heartrending agony,—a
mass of enormous billows rolling steadily on together hurled
themselves like giant assassins upon the frail and helpless vessel and
engulfed it—it disappeared with awful swiftness, like a small blot on
the ocean sucked down into the whirl of water—the vast and solemn
greyness of the sea spread over it like a pall—it was a nothing,
gone into nothingness! I watched one giant wave rise in a crystalline
glitter of dark sapphire and curl over the spot where all that human
life and human love had disappeared,—and then—there came upon my
soul a sudden sense of intense calm. The great sea smoothed itself out
before my eyes into fine ripples which dispersed gradually into mist
again—and almost I found my voice—almost my lips opened to ask:
"What means this vision of the sea?" when a sound of music checked me
on the verge of utterance—the music of delicate strings as of a
thousand harps in heaven. I listened with every sense caught and
entranced—my gaze still fixed half unseeingly upon the heavy grey
film which hung before me—that mystic sky-canvas upon which some
Divine painter had depicted in life-like form and colour scenes which
I, in a sort of dim strangeness, recognised yet could not
understand—and as I looked a rainbow, with every hue intensified to
such a burning depth of brilliancy that its light was almost
intolerably dazzling, sprang in a perfect arch across the cloud! I
uttered an involuntary cry of rapture—for it was like no earthly
rainbow I had ever seen. Its palpitating radiance seemed to penetrate
into the very core and centre of space,—aerially delicate yet deep,
each separate colour glowed with the fervent splendour of a heaven
undreamed of by mere mortality and too glorious for mortal
description. It was the shining repentance of the storm,—the
assurance of joy after sorrow- -the passionate love of the soul rising
upwards in perfect form and beauty after long imprisonment in
ice-bound depths of repression and solitude—it was anything and
everything that could be thought or imagined of divinest promise!
My heart beat quickly—tears sprang to my eyes—and almost
unconsciously I pressed the kind, strong hand that held mine. It
trembled ever so slightly—but I was too absorbed in watching that
triumphal arch across the sky to heed the movement. By degrees the
lustrous hues began to pale very slowly, and almost imperceptibly
they grew fainter and fainter till at last all was misty grey as
before, save in one place where there were long rays of light like
the falling of silvery rain. And then came strange rapidly passing
scenes as of cloud forms constantly shifting and changing, in all of
which I discerned the same two personalities so like and yet so
unlike ourselves who were the dumb witnesses of every episode,—but
everything now passed in absolute silence—there was no mysterious
music,—the voices had ceased—all was mute.
Suddenly there came a change over the face of what I thought the
sky—the clouds were torn asunder as it were to show a breadth of
burning amber and rose, and I beheld the semblance of a great closed
Gateway barred across as with gold. Here a figure slowly shaped
itself,—the figure of a woman who knelt against the closed barrier
with hands clasped and uplifted in pitiful beseeching. So strangely
desolate and solitary was her aspect in all that heavenly brilliancy
that I could almost have wept for her, shut out as she seemed from
some mystic unknown glory. Round her swept the great circle of the
heavens—beneath her and above her were the deserts of infinite
space—and she, a fragile soul rendered immortal by quenchless fires
of love and hope and memory, hovered between the deeps of
immeasurable vastness like a fluttering leaf or flake of snow! My
heart ached for her—my lips moved unconsciously in prayer:
"O leave her not always exiled and alone!" I murmured, inwardly—
"Dear God, have pity! Unbar the gate and let her in! She has waited
so long!"
The hand holding mine strengthened its clasp,—and the warm, close
pressure sent a thrill through my veins. Almost I would have turned
to look at my companion—had I not suddenly seen the closed gateway
in the heavens begin to open slowly, allowing a flood of golden
radiance to pour out like the steady flowing of a broad stream. The
kneeling woman's figure remained plainly discernible, but seemed to
be gradually melting into the light which surrounded it. And then—
something—I know not what—shook me down from the pinnacle of
vision,—hardly aware of my own action, I withdrew my hand from my
companion's, and saw—just the solemn grandeur of Loch Coruisk, with
a deep amber glow streaming over the summit of the mountains, flung
upward by the setting sun! Nothing more!—I heaved an involuntary
sigh—and at last, with some little hesitation and dread, looked full
at Santoris. His eyes met mine steadfastly—he was very pale. So we
faced each other for a moment—then he said, quietly:—
"How quickly the time has passed! This is the best moment of the
sunset,—when that glory fades we shall have seen all!"
His voice was calm and conventional, yet I thought I detected a
thrill of sadness in it which touched me to a kind of inexplicable
remorse, and I turned to him quickly, hardly conscious of the words I
uttered.
"Must the glory fade?"—I said, almost pleadingly—"Why should it
not remain with us?"
He did not reply at once. A shadow of something like sternness
clouded his brows, and I began to be afraid—yet afraid of what? Not
of him—but of myself, lest I should unwittingly lose all I had
gained. But then the question presented itself—What had I gained?
Could I explain it, even to myself? There was nothing in any way
tangible of which to say—"I possess this," or "I have secured
that,"—for, reducing all circumstances to a prosaic level, all that
I knew was that I had met in my present companion a man who had a
singular, almost compelling attractiveness, and with whose
personality I seemed to be familiar; also, that under some power
which he might possibly have exerted, I had in an unexpected place
and at an unexpected time seen certain visions or 'impressions' which
might or might not be the working of my own brain under a temporary
magnetic influence. I was fully aware that such things could
happen—and yet—I was not by any means sure that they had so happened
in this case. And while I was thus hurriedly trying to think out the
problem, he replied to my question.
"That depends on ourselves,"—he said—"On you perhaps more than
any other."
I looked up at him wonderingly.
"On me?" I echoed.
He smiled a little.
"Why, yes! A woman always decides."
I turned my eyes again towards the sky. Long lines of delicate pale
blue and green were now intermingled with the amber light of the
after-glow, and the whole scene was one of indescribable grandeur and
beauty.
"I wish I could understand,"—I murmured.
"Let me help you,"—he said, gently. "Possibly I can make things
clearer for you. You are just now under the spell of your own psychic
impressions and memories. You think you have seen strange
episodes—these are nothing but pictures stored far away back in the
cells of your spiritual brain, which (through the medium of your
present material brain) project on your vision not only presentments
and reflections of past scenes and events, but which also reproduce
the very words and sounds attending those scenes and events. That is
all. Loch Coruisk has shown you nothing but itself in varying effects
of light and cloud—there is no mystery here but the everlasting
mystery of Nature in which you and I play our several parts. What you
have seen or heard I do not know—for each individual experience is
and always must be different. All that I am fully conscious of is,
that our having met and our being here together to-day is, as it were,
the mending of a broken chain. But it rests with you—and even with
me—to break it once more if we choose."
I was silent, not because I could not but because I dared not
speak. All my life seemed suddenly to hang on the point of a
hair's-breadth of possibility.
"I think,"—he continued in the same quiet voice—"that just now we
may let things take their ordinary course. You and I"—here he
paused, and impelled by some secret emotion I lifted my eyes to his.
Instinctively, and with a rush of feeling, we stretched out our hands
to each other. He clasped mine in his own, and stooping his head
kissed them tenderly. "You and I,"—he went on—"have met before in
many a phase of life and on many a plane of thought—and I believe we
know and realise this. Let us be satisfied so far—and if destiny has
anything of happiness or wisdom in store for us let us try to assist
its fulfilment and not stand in the way."
I found my voice suddenly.
"But—if others stand in the way?"—I said.
He smiled.
"Surely it will be our own fault if we allow them to assume such a
position!" he answered.
I left my hands in his another moment. The fact that he held them
gave me a sense of peace and security.
"Sometimes on a long walk through field and forest," I said,
softly- -"one may miss the nearest road home. And one is glad to be
told which path to follow—"
"Yes,"—he interrupted me—"One is glad to be told!"
His eyes were bent upon me with an enigmatical expression, half
commanding, half appealing.
"Then, will you tell me—" I began.
"All that I can!" he said, drawing me a little closer towards him—
"All that I may! And you—you must tell me—"
"I! What can I tell you?" and I smiled—"I know nothing!"
"You know one thing which is all things,"—he answered—"But for
that I must still wait."
He let go my hands and turned away, shading his eyes from the glare
of gold which now spread far and wide over the heavens, turning the
sullen waters of Loch Coruisk to a tawny orange against the black
purple of the surrounding hills.
"I see our men,"—he then said, in his ordinary tone, "They are
looking for us. We must be going."
My heart beat quickly. A longing to speak what I hardly dared to
think, was strong upon me. But some inward restraint gripped me as
with iron—and my spirit beat itself like a caged bird against its
prison bars in vain. I left my rocky throne and heather canopy with
slow reluctance, and he saw this.
"You are sorry to come away,"—he said, kindly, and with a
smile—"I can quite understand it. It is a beautiful scene."
I stood quite still, looking at him. A host of recollections began
to crowd upon me, threatening havoc to my self-control.
"Is it not something more than beautiful?" I asked, and my voice
trembled in spite of myself—"To you as well as to me?"
He met my earnest gaze with a sudden deeper light in his own eyes.
"Dear, to me it is the beginning of a new life!"—he said—"But
whether it is the same to you I cannot say. I have not the right to
think so far. Come!"
A choking sense of tears was in my throat as I moved on by his
side. Why could I not speak frankly and tell him that I knew as well
as he did that now there was no life anywhere for me where he was not?
But—had it come to this? Yes, truly!—it had come to this! Then was
it a real love that I felt, or merely a blind obedience to some
hypnotic influence? The doubt suggested itself like a whisper from
some evil spirit, and I strove not to listen. Presently he took my
hand in his as before, and guided me carefully over the slippery
boulders and stones, wet with the overflowing of the mountain torrent
and the underlying morass which warned us of its vicinity by the
quantity of bog-myrtle growing in profusion everywhere. Almost in
silence we reached the shore where the launch was in waiting for us,
and in silence we sat together in the stern as the boat cut its swift
way through little waves like molten gold and opal, sparkling with the
iridescent reflections of the sun's after-glow.
"I see Mr. Harland's yacht has returned to her moorings,"—he said,
after a while, addressing his men, "When did she come back?"
"Immediately after you left, sir,"—was the reply.
I looked and saw the two yachts—the 'Dream' and the 'Diana,'
anchored in the widest part of Loch Scavaig—the one with the
disfiguring funnels that make even the most magnificent steam yacht
unsightly as compared with a sailing vessel,—the other a perfect
picture of lightness and grace, resting like a bird with folded wings
on the glittering surface of the water. My mind was disturbed and
bewildered,—I felt that I had journeyed through immense distances of
space and cycles of time during that brief excursion to Loch
Coruisk,—and as the launch rushed onward and we lost sight of the
entrance to what for me had been a veritable Valley of Vision, it
seemed that I had lived through centuries rather than hours. One
thing, however, remained positive and real in my experience, and this
was the personality of Santoris. With each moment that passed I knew
it better—the flash of his blue eyes—his sudden fleeting smile—the
turn of his head—the very gesture of his hand,—all these were as
familiar to me as the reflection of my own face in a mirror. And now
there was no wonderment mingled with the deepening recognition,—I
found it quite natural that I should know him well,- -indeed, it was
to me evident that I had known him always. What troubled me, however,
was a subtle fear that crept insidiously through my veins like a
shuddering cold,—a terror lest something to which I could give no
name, should separate us or cause us to misunderstand each other. For
the psychic lines of attraction between two human beings are finer
than the finest gossamer and can be easily broken and scattered even
though they may or must be brought together again after long lapses of
time. But so many opportunities had already been wasted, I thought,
through some recklessness or folly, either on his part or mine. Which
of us was to blame? I looked at him half in fear, half in appeal, as
he sat in the boat with his head turned a little aside from me,—he
seemed grave and preoccupied. A sudden thrill of emotion stirred my
heart— tears sprang to my eyes so thickly that for a moment I could
scarcely see the waves that glittered and danced on all sides like
millions of diamonds. A change had swept over my life,—a change so
great that I was hardly able to bear it. It was too swift, too
overpowering to be calmly considered, and I was glad when we came
alongside the 'Dream' and I saw Mr. Harland on deck, waiting for us
at the top of the companion ladder.
"Well!" he called to me—"Was it a good sunset?"
"Glorious!" I answered him—"Did you see nothing of it?"
"No. I slept soundly, and only woke up when Brayle came over to
explain that Catherine had taken it into her head to have a short
cruise, that he had humoured her accordingly, and that they had just
come back to anchorage."
By this time I was standing beside him, and Santoris joined us.
"So your doctor came to look after you,"—he said, with a smile—"I
thought he would not trust you out of his sight too long!"
"What do you mean by that?" asked Harland—then his face lightened
and he laughed—"Well, I must own you have been a better physician
than he for the moment—it is months since I have been so free from
pain."
"I'm very glad,"—Santoris answered—"And now would you and your
friend like to take the launch back to your own yacht, or will you
stay and dine with me?"
Mr. Harland thought a moment.
"I'm afraid we must go"—he said, at last, with obvious
reluctance— "Captain Derrick went back with Brayle. You see,
Catherine is not strong, and she has not been quite herself—and we
must not leave her alone. To-morrow, if you are willing, I should like
to try a race with our two yachts in open sea—electricity against
steam! What do you say?"
"With pleasure!" and Santoris looked amused—"But as I am sure to
be the winner, you must give me the privilege of entertaining you all
to dinner afterwards. Is that settled?" "Certainly!—you are
hospitality itself, Santoris!" and Mr. Harland shook him warmly by
the hand—"What time shall we start the race?"
"Suppose we say noon?"
"Agreed!"
We then prepared to go. I turned to Santoris and in a quiet voice
thanked him for his kindness in escorting me to Loch Coruisk, and for
the pleasant afternoon we had passed. The conventional words of common
courtesy seemed to myself quite absurd,—however, they had to be
uttered, and he accepted them with the usual conventional
acknowledgment. When I was just about to descend the companion
ladder, he asked me to wait a moment, and going down to the saloon,
brought me the bunch of Madonna lilies I had found in that special
cabin which, as he had said, was destined 'for a princess.'
"You will take these, I hope?" he said, simply.
I raised my eyes to his as I received the white blossoms from his
hand. There was something indefinable and fleeting in his expression,
and for a moment it seemed as if we had suddenly become strangers. A
sense of loss and pain affected me, such as happens when someone to
whom we are deeply attached assumes a cold and distant air for which
we can render no explanation. He turned from me as quickly as I from
him, and I descended the companion ladder followed by Mr. Harland. In
a few seconds we had put several boat- lengths between ourselves and
the 'Dream,' and a rush of foolish tears to my eyes blurred the figure
of Santoris as he lifted his cap to us in courteous adieu. I thought
Mr. Harland glanced at me a little inquisitively, but he said
nothing—and we were soon on board the 'Diana,' where Catherine,
stretched out in a deck chair, watched our arrival with but languid
interest. Dr. Brayle was beside her, and looked up as we drew near
with a supercilious smile.
"So the electric man has not quite made away with you,"—he said,
carelessly—"Miss Harland and I had our doubts as to whether we
should ever see you again!"
Mr. Harland's fuzzy eyebrows drew together in a marked frown of
displeasure.
"Indeed!" he ejaculated, drily—"Well, you need have had no fears
on that score. The 'electric man,' as you call Mr. Santoris, is an
excellent host and has no sinister designs on his friends."
"Are you quite sure of that?" and Brayle, with an elaborate show of
courtesy, set chairs for his patron and for me near Catherine—
"Derrick tells me that the electric appliances on board his yacht are
to him of a terrifying character and that he would not risk passing so
much as one night on such a vessel!"
Mr. Harland laughed.
"I must talk to Derrick,"—he said—then, approaching his daughter,
he asked her kindly if she was better. She replied in the
affirmative, but with some little pettishness.
"My nerves are all unstrung,"—she said—"I think that friend of
yours is one of those persons who draw all vitality out of everybody
else. There are such people, you know, father!—people who, when they
are getting old and feeble, go about taking stores of fresh life out
of others."
He looked amused.
"You are full of fancies, Catherine,"—he said—"And no logical
reasoning will ever argue you out of them. Santoris is all right. For
one thing, he gave me great relief from pain to-day."
"Ah! How was that?"—and Brayle looked up sharply with sudden
interest.
"I don't know how,"—replied Harland,—"A drop or two of harmless-
looking fluid worked wonders for me—and in a few moments I felt
almost well. He tells me my illness is not incurable."
A curious expression difficult to define flitted over Brayle's
face.
"You had better take care," he said, curtly—"Invalids should never
try experiments. I'm surprised that a man in your condition should
take any drug from the hand of a stranger."
"Most dangerous!" interpolated Catherine, feebly—"How could you,
father?"
"Well, Santoris isn't quite a stranger,"—said Mr. Harland—"After
all, I knew him at college—"
"You think you knew him,"—put in Brayle—"He may not be the same
man."
"He is the same man,"—answered Mr. Harland, rather testily—"There
are no two of his kind in the world."
Brayle lifted his eyebrows with a mildly affected air of surprise.
"I thought you had your doubts—"
"Of course!—I had and have my doubts concerning everybody and
everything"—said Mr. Harland, "And I suppose I shall have them to
the end of my days. I have sometimes doubted even your good
intentions towards me."
A dark flush overspread Brayle's face suddenly, and as suddenly
paled. He laughed a little forcedly.
"I hardly think you have any reason to do so," he said.
Mr. Harland did not answer, but turning round, addressed me.
"You enjoyed yourself at Loch Coruisk, didn't you?"
"Indeed I did!" I replied, with emphasis—"It was a lovely scene!—
never to be forgotten,"
"You and Mr. Santoris would be sure to get on well together," said
Catherine, rather crossly—"'Birds of a feather,' you know!"
I smiled. I was too much taken up with my own thoughts to pay
attention to her evident ill-humour. I was aware that Dr. Brayle
watched me furtively, and with a suspicious air, and there was a
curious feeling of constraint in the atmosphere that made me feel I
had somehow displeased my hostess, but the matter seemed to me too
trifling to consider, and as soon as the conversation became general
I took the opportunity to slip away and get down to my cabin, where I
locked the door and gave myself up to the freedom of my own
meditations. They were at first bewildered and chaotic—but gradually
my mind smoothed itself out like the sea I had looked upon in my
vision,—and I began to arrange and connect the various incidents of
my strange experience in a more or less coherent form. According to
psychic consciousness I knew what they all meant,—but according to
merely material and earthly reasoning they were utterly
incomprehensible. If I listened to the explanation offered by my
inner self, it was this:—That Rafel Santoris and I had known each
other for ages,—longer than we were permitted to remember,—that the
brain-pictures, or rather soul-pictures, presented to me were only a
few selected out of thousands which equally concerned us, and which
were stored up among eternal records,—and that these few were only
recalled to remind me of circumstances which I might erroneously think
were all entirely forgotten. If, on the other hand, I preferred to
accept what would be called a reasonable and practical solution of the
enigma, I would say:—That, being imaginative and sensitive, I had
been easily hypnotised by a stronger will than my own, and that for
his amusement, or because he had seen in me the possibility of a 'test
case,' Santoris had tried his power upon me and forced me to see
whatever he chose to conjure up in order to bewilder and perplex me.
But if this were so, what could be his object? If I were indeed an
utter stranger to him, why should he take this trouble? I found myself
harassed by anxiety and dragged between two opposing influences—one
which impelled me to yield myself to the deep sense of exquisite
happiness, peace and consolation that swept over my spirit like the
touch of a veritable benediction from heaven,—the other which pushed
me back against a hard wall of impregnable fact and bade me suspect my
dawning joy as though it were a foe.
That night we were a curious party at dinner. Never were five human
beings more oddly brought into contact and conversation with each
other. We were absolutely opposed at all points; in thought, in
feeling and in sentiment, I could not help remembering the wonderful
network of shining lines I had seen in that first dream of mine,—
lines which were apparently mathematically designed to meet in
reciprocal unity. The lines on this occasion between us five human
beings were an almost visible tangle. I found my best refuge in
silence,—and I listened in vague wonderment to the flow of senseless
small talk poured out by Dr. Brayle, apparently for the amusement of
Catherine, who on her part seemed suddenly possessed by a spirit of
wilfulness and enforced gaiety which moved her to utter a great many
foolish things, things which she evidently imagined were clever. There
is nothing perhaps more embarrassing than to hear a woman of mature
years giving herself away by the childish vapidness of her talk, and
exhibiting not only a lack of mental poise, but also utter
tactlessness. However, Catherine rattled on, and Dr. Brayle rattled
with her,—Mr. Harland threw in occasional monosyllables, but for the
most part was evidently caught in a kind of dusty spider's web of
thought, and I spoke not at all unless spoken to. Presently I met
Catherine's eyes fixed upon me with a sort of round, half-malicious
curiosity.
"I think your day's outing has done you good," she said—"You look
wonderfully well!"
"I AM well!" I answered her—"I have been well all the time."
"Yes, but you haven't looked as you look to-night," she said—"You
have quite a transformed air!"
"Transformed?"—I echoed, smiling—"In what way?"
Mr. Harland turned and surveyed me critically.
"Upon my word, I think Catherine is right!" he said—"There is
something different about you, though I cannot explain what it is!"
I felt the colour rising hotly to my face, but I endeavoured to
appear unconcerned.
"You look," said Dr. Brayle, with a quick glance from his narrowly
set eyes—"as if you had been through a happy experience."
"Perhaps I have!" I answered quietly—"It has certainly been a very
happy day!" "What is your opinion of Santoris?" asked Mr. Harland,
suddenly—"You've spent a couple of hours alone in his company,—you
must have formed some idea."
I replied at once, without taking thought.
"I think him quite an exceptional man," I said—"Good and great-
hearted,—and I fancy he must have gone through much difficult
experience to make him what he is."
"I entirely disagree with you,"—said Dr. Brayle, quickly—"I've
taken his measure, and I think it's a fairly correct one. I believe
him to be a very clever and subtle charlatan, who affects a certain
profound mysticism in order to give himself undue importance—"
There was a sudden clash. Mr. Harland had brought his clenched fist
down upon the table with a force that made the glasses ring.
"I won't have that, Brayle!" he said, sharply—"I tell you I won't
have it! Santoris is no charlatan—never was!—he won his honours at
Oxford like a man—his conduct all the time I ever knew him was
perfectly open and blameless—he did no mean tricks, and pandered to
nothing base—and if some of us fellows were frightened of him (as we
were) it was because he did everything better than we could do it, and
was superior to us all. That's the truth!—and there's no getting over
it. Nothing gives small minds a better handle for hatred than
superiority—especially when that superiority is never asserted, but
only felt."
"Never mind what you thought!" said Mr. Harland, with a sudden ugly
irritation of manner that sometimes disfigured him—"Your thoughts
are not of the least importance!"
Dr. Brayle flushed angrily and Catherine looked surprised and
visibly indignant.
"Father! How can you be so rude!"
"Am I rude?" And Mr. Harland shrugged his shoulders indifferently—
"Well! I may be—but I never take a man's hospitality and permit
myself to listen to abuse of him afterwards."
"I assure you—" began Dr. Brayle, almost humbly.
"There, there! If I spoke hastily, I apologise. But Santoris is too
straightforward a man to be suspected of any dishonesty or
chicanery—and certainly no one on board this vessel shall treat his
name with anything but respect." Here he turned to me—"Will you come
on deck for a little while before bedtime, or would you rather rest?"
I saw that he wished to speak to me, and willingly agreed to
accompany him. Dinner being well over, we left the saloon, and were
soon pacing the deck together under the light of a brilliant moon.
Instinctively we both looked towards the 'Dream' yacht,—there was no
illumination about her this evening save the usual lamp hung in the
rigging and the tiny gleams of radiance through her port-holes,- -and
her graceful masts and spars were like fine black pencillings seen
against the bare slope of a mountain made almost silver to the summit
by the singularly searching clearness of the moonbeams. My host paused
in his walk beside me to light a cigar.
"I'm sure you are convinced that Santoris is honest," he said—"Are
you not?"
"In what way should I doubt him?"—I replied, evasively—"I
scarcely know him!"
Hardly had I said this when a sudden self-reproach stung me. How
dare I say that I scarcely knew one who had been known to me for
ages? I leaned against the deck rail looking up at the violet sky, my
heart beating quickly. My companion was still busy lighting his cigar,
but when this was done to his satisfaction he resumed.
"True! You scarcely know him, but you are quick to form opinions,
and your instincts are often, though perhaps not always, correct. At
any rate, you have no distrust of him? You like him?"
"Yes,"—I answered, slowly—"I—I like him—very much."
And the violet sky, with its round white moon, seemed to swing in a
circle about me as I spoke—knowing that the true answer of my heart
was love, not liking!—that love was the magnet drawing me
irresistibly, despite my own endeavour, to something I could neither
understand nor imagine.
"I'm glad of that," said Mr. Harland—"It would have worried me a
little if you had taken a prejudice or felt any antipathy towards
him. I can see that Brayle hates him and has imbued Catherine with
something of his own dislike."
I was silent.
"He is, of course, an extraordinary man," went on Mr. Harland—"and
he is bound to offend many and to please few. He is not likely to
escape the usual fate of unusual characters. But I think—indeed I
may say I am sure—his integrity is beyond question. He has curious
opinions about love and marriage—almost as curious as the fixed
ideas he holds concerning life and death."
Something cold seemed to send a shiver through my blood—was it
some stray fragment of memory from the past that stirred me to a sense
of pain? I forced myself to speak.
"What are those opinions?" I asked, and looking up in the moonlight
to my companion's face I saw that it wore a puzzled expression—
"Hardly conventional, I suppose?"
"Conventional! Convention and Santoris are farther apart than the
poles! No—he doesn't fit into any accepted social code at all. He
looks upon marriage itself as a tacit acknowledgment of inconstancy
in love, and declares that if the passion existed in its truest form
between man and woman any sort of formal or legal tie would be
needless,—as love, if it be love, does not and cannot change. But it
is no use discussing such a matter with him. The love that he believes
in can only exist, if then, once in a thousand years! Men and women
marry for physical attraction, convenience, necessity or
respectability,—and the legal bond is necessary both for their sakes
and the worldly welfare of the children born to them; but love which
is physical and transcendental together,—love that is to last through
an imagined eternity of progress and fruition, this is a mere dream—a
chimera!—and he feasts his brain upon it as though it were a
nourishing fact. However, one must have patience with him—he is not
like the rest of us."
"No!" I murmured—and then stood silently beside him watching the
moonbeams ripple on the waters in wavy links of brightness.
"When you married," I said, at last—"did you not marry for love?"
He puffed at his cigar thoughtfully.
"Well, I hardly know," he replied, after a long pause,—"Looking
back upon everything, I rather doubt it! I married as most men
marry—on impulse. I saw a pretty face—and it seemed advisable that
I should marry—but I cannot say I was moved by any great or
absorbing passion for the woman I chose. She was charming and amiable
in our courting days—as a wife she became peevish and querulous,—apt
to sulk, too,—and she devoted herself almost entirely to the most
commonplace routine of life;—however, I had nothing to justly
complain of. We lived five years together before her child Catherine
was born,—and then she died. I cannot say that either her life or her
death left any deep mark upon me—not if I am honest. I don't think I
understand love—certainly not the love which Rafel Santoris looks
upon as the secret key of the Universe."
Instinctively my eyes turned towards the 'Dream' at anchor. She
looked like a phantom vessel in the moonlight. Again the faint shiver
of cold ran through my veins like a sense of spiritual terror. If I
should lose now what I had lost before! This was my chief thought,—my
hidden shuddering fear. Did the whole responsibility rest with me, I
wondered? Mr. Harland laid his hand kindly on my arm.
"You look like a wan spirit in the moonbeams," he said—"So pale
and wistful! You are tired, and I am selfish in keeping you up here to
talk to me. Go down to your cabin. I can see you are full of mystical
dreams, and I am afraid Santoris has rather helped you to indulge in
them. He is of the same nature as you are—inclined to believe that
this life as we live it is only one phase of many that are past and of
many yet to come. I wish I could accept that faith!"
"I wish you could!" I said—"You surely would be happier."
"Should I?" He gave a quick sigh. "I have my doubts! If I could be
young and strong and lie through many lives always possessed of that
same youth and strength, then there would be something in it—but to
be old and ailing, no! The Faust legend is an eternal truth—Life is
only worth living as long as we enjoy it."
"Your friend Santoris enjoys it!" I said.
"Ah! There you touch me! He does enjoy it, and why? Because he is
young! Though nearly as old in years as I am, he is actually young!
That's the mystery of him! Santoris is positively young—young in
heart, young in thought, ambition, feeling and sentiment, and yet— "
He broke off for a moment, then resumed.
"I don't know how he has managed it, but he told me long ago that
it was a man's own fault if he allowed himself to grow old. I laughed
at him then, but he has certainly carried his theories into fact. He
used to declare that it was either yourself or your friends that made
you old. 'You will find,' he said, 'as you go on in years, that your
family relations, or your professing dear friends, are those that will
chiefly insist on your inviting and accepting the burden of age. They
will remind you that twenty years ago you did so and so,—or that they
have known you over thirty years—or they will tell you that
considering your age you look well, or a thousand and one things of
that kind, as if it were a fault or even a crime to be alive for a
certain span of time,—whereas if you simply shook off such
unnecessary attentions and went your own way, taking freely of the
constant output of life and energy supplied to you by Nature, you
would outwit all these croakers of feebleness and decay and renew your
vital forces to the end. But to do this you must have a constant aim
in life and a ruling passion.' As I told you, I laughed at him and at
what I called his 'folly,' but now—well, now—it's a case of 'let
those laugh who win.'"
"And you think he has won?" I asked.
"Most assuredly—I cannot deny it. But the secret of his victory is
beyond me."
"I should think it is beyond most people," I replied—"For if we
could all keep ourselves young and strong we would take every means
in our power to attain such happiness—"
"Would we, though?" And his brows knitted perplexedly—"If we knew,
would we take the necessary trouble? We will hardly obey a
physician's orders for our good even when we are really ill—would we
in health follow any code of life in order to keep well?"
I laughed.
"Perhaps not!" I said—"I expect it will always be the same thing—
'Many are called, but few are chosen.' Goodnight!"
I held out my hand. He took it in his own and kept it a moment.
"It's curious we should have met Santoris so soon after my telling
you about him," he said—"It's one of those coincidences which one
cannot explain. You are very like him in some of your ideas—you two
ought to be very great friends."
"Ought we?"—and I smiled—"Perhaps we shall be! Again,
Good-night!"
"Good-night!" And I left him to his meditations and went down to my
cabin, only stopping for a moment to say good-night to Catherine and
Dr. Brayle, who were playing bridge with Mr. Swinton and Captain
Derrick in the saloon. Once in my room, I was thankful to be alone.
Every extraneous thing seemed an intrusion or an impertinence,—the
thoughts that filled my brain were all absorbing, and went so far
beyond the immediate radius of time and space that I could hardly
follow their flight. I smiled as I imagined what ordinary people
would think of the experience through which I had passed and was
passing. 'Foolish fancies!' 'Neurotic folly!' and other epithets of
the kind would be heaped upon me if they knew—they, the excellent
folk whose sole objects in life are so ephemeral as to be the things
of the hour, the day, or the month merely, and who if they ever pause
to consider eternal possibilities at all, do so reluctantly perhaps in
church on Sundays, comfortably dismissing them for the more solid
prospect of dinner. And of Love? What view of the divine passion do
they take as a rule? Let the millions of mistaken marriages answer!
Let the savage lusts and treacheries and cruelties of merely brutish
and unspiritualised humanity bear witness? And how few shall be found
who have even the beginnings of the nature of true love—'the love of
soul for soul, angel for angel, god for god!'—the love that accepts
this world and its events as one phase only of divine and immortal
existence—a phase of trial and proving in which the greater number
fail to pass even a first examination! As for myself, I felt and knew
that I had failed hopelessly and utterly in the past—and I
stood now as it were on the edge of new circumstances—in fear, yet
not without hope, and praying that whatsoever should chance to me I
might not fail again!
The next day the race agreed upon was run in the calmest of calm
weather. There was not the faintest breath of wind,—the sea was
still as a pond and almost oily in its smooth, motionless shining—
and it was evident at first that our captain entertained no doubt
whatever as to the 'Diana,' with her powerful engines, being easily
able to beat the aerial-looking 'Dream' schooner, which at noon-day,
with all sails spread, came gliding up beside us till she lay point
to point at equal distance and at nearly equal measurement with our
more cumbersome vessel. Mr. Harland was keenly excited; Dr. Brayle
was ready to lay any amount of wagers as to the impossibility of a
sailing vessel, even granted she was moved by electricity, out-
racing one of steam in such a dead calm. As the two vessels lay on
the still waters, the 'Diana' fussily getting up steam, and the
'Dream' with sails full out as if in a stiff breeze, despite the fact
that there was no wind, we discussed the situation eagerly—or rather
I should say my host and his people discussed it, for I had nothing to
say, knowing that the victory was sure to be with Santoris. We were in
very lonely waters,—there was room and to spare for plenty of racing,
and when all was ready and Santoris saluted us from the deck, lifting
his cap and waving it in response to a similar greeting from Mr.
Harland and our skipper, the signal to start was given. We moved off
together, and for at least half an hour or more the 'Dream' floated
along in a kind of lazy indolence, keeping up with us easily, her
canvas filled, and her keel cutting the water as if swept by a
favouring gale. The result of the race was soon a foregone
conclusion,—for presently, when well out on the mirror-like calm of
the sea, the 'Dream' showed her secret powers in earnest, and flew
like a bird with a silent swiftness that was almost incredible. Our
yacht put on all steam in the effort to keep up with her,—in vain!
On, on, with light grace and celerity her white sails carried her like
the wings of a sea-gull, and almost before we could realise it she
vanished altogether from our sight! I saw a waste of water spread
around us emptily like a wide circle of crystal reflecting the sky,
and a sense of desolation fell upon me in the mere fact that we were
temporarily left alone. We steamed on and on in the direction of the
vanished 'Dream,'—our movements suggesting those of some clumsy
four-footed animal panting its way after a bird, but unable to come up
with her.
"Wonderful!" said Mr. Harland, at last, drawing a long breath,—"I
would never have believed it possible!"
"Nor I!" agreed Captain Derrick—"I certainly thought she would
never have managed it in such a dead calm. For though I have seen
some of her mechanism I cannot entirely understand it."
Dr. Brayle was silent. It was evident that he was annoyed—though
why he should be so was not apparent. I myself was full of secret
anxiety—for the 'Dream' yacht's sudden and swift disappearance had
filled me with a wretched sense of loneliness beyond all expression.
Suppose she should not return! I had no clue to her whereabouts—and
with the loss of Santoris I knew I should lose all that was worth
having in my life. While these miserable thoughts were yet chasing
each other through my brain I suddenly caught a far glimpse of white
sails on the horizon.
"She's coming back!" I cried, enraptured, and heedless of what I
said—"Oh, thank God! She's coming back!"
They all looked at me in amazement.
"Why, what's the matter with you?" asked Mr. Harland, smiling. "You
surely didn't think she was in any danger?"
My cheeks grew warm.
"I didn't know—I could not imagine—" I faltered, and turning away
I met Dr. Brayle's eyes fixed upon me with a gleam of malice in them.
"I'm sure," he said, suavely, "you are greatly interested in Mr.
Santoris! Perhaps you have met each other before?"
"Never!" I answered, hurriedly,—and then checked myself, startled
and confused. He kept his narrow brown eyes heedfully upon me and
smiled slightly.
"Really! I should have thought otherwise!"
I did not trouble myself to reply. The white sails of the 'Dream'
were coming nearer and nearer over the smooth width of the sunlit
water, and as she approached my heart grew warm with gratitude. Life
was again a thing of joy!—the world was no longer empty! That ship
looked to me like a beautiful winged spirit coming towards me with
radiant assurances of hope and consolation, and I lost all fear, all
sadness, all foreboding, as she gradually swept up alongside in the
easy triumph she had won. Our crew assembled to welcome her, and
cheered lustily. Santoris, standing on her deck, lightly acknowledged
the salutes which gave him the victory, and presently both our vessels
were once more at their former places of anchorage. When all the
excitement was over, I went down to my cabin to rest for a while
before dressing for the dinner on board the 'Dream' to which we were
all invited,—and while I lay on my sofa reading, Catherine Harland
knocked at my door and asked to come in, I admitted her at once, and
she flung herself into an arm-chair with a gesture of impatience.
"I'm so tired of all this yachting!" she said, peevishly. "It isn't
amusing to me!"
"I'm very sorry!" I answered;—"If you feel like that, why not give
it up at once?"
"Oh, it's father's whim!" she said-"And if he makes up his mind
there's no moving him. One thing, however, I'm determined to do—and
that is—" Here she stopped, looking at me curiously.
I returned her gaze questioningly.
"And that is—what?"
"To get as far away as ever we can from that terrible 'Dream' yacht
and its owner!"—she replied—"That man is a devil!"
I laughed. I could not help laughing. The estimate she had formed
of one so vastly her superior as Santoris struck me as more amusing
than blamable. I am often accustomed to hear the hasty and narrow
verdict of small-minded and unintelligent persons pronounced on men
and women of high attainment and great mental ability; therefore,
that she should show herself as not above the level of the common
majority did not offend so much as it entertained me. However, my
laughter made her suddenly angry.
"Why do you laugh?" she demanded. "You look quite pagan in that
lace rest-gown—I suppose you call it a restgown!—with all your hair
tumbling loose about you! And that laugh of yours is a pagan laugh!"
I was so surprised at her odd way of speaking that for a moment I
could find no words. She looked at me with a kind of hard disfavour
in her eyes.
"That's the reason,"—she went on—"why you find life agreeable.
Pagans always did. They revelled in sunshine and open air, and found
all sorts of excuses for their own faults, provided they got some
pleasure out of them. That's quite your temperament! And they laughed
at serious things—just as you do!"
The mirror showed me my own reflection, and I saw myself still
smiling.
"Do I laugh at serious things?" I said. "Dear Miss Harland, I am
not aware of it! But I cannot take Mr. Santoris as a 'devil'
seriously!"
"He is!" And she nodded her head emphatically—"And all those queer
beliefs he holds—and you hold them too!—are devilish! If you
belonged to the Church of Rome, you would not be allowed to indulge
in such wicked theories for a moment."
"Ah! The Church of Rome fortunately cannot control thought!"—I
said—"Not even the thoughts of its own children! And some of the
beliefs of the Church of Rome are more blasphemous and barbarous than
all the paganism of the ancient world! Tell me, what are my 'wicked
theories'?"
"Oh, I don't know!" she replied, vaguely and inconsequently—"You
believe there's no death—and you think we all make our own illnesses
and misfortunes,—and I've heard you say that the idea of Eternal
Punishment is absurd—so in a way you are as bad as father, who
declares there's nothing in the Universe but gas and atoms—no God and
no anything. You really are quite as much of an atheist as he is! Dr.
Brayle says so."
I had been standing in front of her while she thus talked, but now
I resumed my former reclining attitude on the sofa and looked at her
with a touch of disdain.
"Dr. Brayle says so!"—I repeated—"Dr. Brayle's opinion is the
least worth having in the world! Now, if you really believe in
devils, there's one for you!"
"How can you say so?" she exclaimed, hotly—"What right have you—"
"How can he call ME an atheist?" I demanded-"What right has HE to
judge me?"
The flush died off her face, and a sudden fear filled her eyes.
"Don't look at me like that!" she said, almost in a whisper—"It
reminds me of an awful dream I had the other night!"—She paused.—
"Shall I tell it to you?"
I nodded indifferently, yet watched her curiously the while.
Something in her hard, plain face had become suddenly and
unpleasantly familiar.
"I dreamed that I was in a painter's studio watching two murdered
people die—a man and a woman. The man was like Santoris—the woman
resembled you! They had been stabbed,—and the woman was clinging to
the man's body. Dr. Brayle stood beside me also watching—but the
scene was strange to me, and the clothes we wore were all of some
ancient time. I said to Dr. Brayle: 'We have killed them!' and he
replied: 'Yes! They are better dead than living!' It was a horrible
dream!—it seemed so real! I have been frightened of you and of that
man Santoris ever since!"
I could not speak for a moment. A recollection swept over me to
which I dared not give utterance,—it seemed too improbable.
"I've had nerves," she went on, shivering a little—"and that's why
I say I'm tired of this yachting trip. It's becoming a nightmare to
me!"
I lay back on the sofa looking at her with a kind of pity.
"Then why not end it?" I said—"Or why not let me go away? It is I
who have displeased you somehow, and I assure you I'm very sorry! You
and Mr. Harland have both been most kind to me—I've been your guest
for nearly a fortnight,—that's quite sufficient holiday for me—put
me ashore anywhere you like and I'll go home and get myself out of
your way. Will that be any comfort to you?"
"I don't know that it will," she said, with a short, querulous
sigh- -"Things have happened so strangely." She paused, looking at
me— "Yes—you have the face of that woman I saw in my dream!—and you
have always reminded me of—"
I waited eagerly. She seemed afraid to go on.
"Well!" I said, as quietly as I could—"Do please finish what you
were saying!"
"It goes back to the time when I first saw you," she continued, now
speaking quickly as though anxious to get it over—"You will perhaps
hardly remember the occasion. It was at that great art and society
"crush" in London where there was such a crowd that hundreds of
people never got farther than the staircase. You were pointed out to
me as a "psychist"—and while I was still listening to what was being
said about you, my father came up with you on his arm and introduced
us. When I saw you I felt that your features were somehow
familiar,—though I could not tell where I had met you before,—and I
became very anxious to see more of you. In fact, you had a perfect
fascination for me! You have the same fascination now,—only it is a
fascination that terrifies me!"
I was silent.
"The other night," she went on—"when Mr. Santoris first came on
board I had a singular impression that he was or had been an enemy of
mine,—though where or how I could not say. It was this that
frightened me, and made me too ill and nervous to go with you on that
excursion to Loch Coruisk. And I want to get away from him! I never
had such impressions before—and even now,—looking at you,—I feel
there's something in you which is quite "uncanny,"—it troubles me!
Oh!—I'm sure you mean me no harm—you are bright and amiable and
adaptable and all that—but—I'm afraid of you!"
"Poor Catherine!" I said, very gently—"These are merely nervous
ideas! There is nothing to fear from me—no, nothing!" For here she
suddenly leaned forward and took my hand, looking earnestly in my
face—"How can you imagine such a thing possible?"
"Are you sure?" she half whispered—"When I called you "pagan" just
now I had a sort of dim recollection of a fair woman like you,—a
woman I seemed to know who was really a pagan! Yet I don't know how I
knew her, or where I met her—a woman who, for some reason or other,
was hateful to me because I was jealous of her! These curious fancies
have haunted my mind only since that man Santoris came on board,—and
I told Dr. Brayle exactly what I felt."
"And what did he say?" I asked.
"He said that it was all the work of Santoris, who was an evident
professor of psychical imposture—"
I sprang up.
"Let him say that to ME!" I exclaimed—"Let him dare to say it! and
I will prove who is the impostor to his face!"
She retreated from me with wide-open eyes of alarm.
"Why do you look at me like that?" she said. "We didn't really kill
you—except—in a dream!"
A sudden silence fell between us; something cold and shadowy and
impalpable seemed to possess the very air. If by some supernatural
agency we had been momentarily deprived of life and motion, while a
vast dark cloud, heavy with rain, had made its slow way betwixt us,
the sense of chill and depression could hardly have been greater.
Presently Catherine spoke again, with a little forced laugh.
"What silly things I say!" she murmured—"You can see for yourself
my nerves are in a bad state!—I am altogether unstrung!"
I stood for a moment looking at her, and considering the perplexity
in which we both seemed involved.
"If you would rather not dine with Mr. Santoris this evening," I
said, at last,—"and if you think his presence has a bad effect on
you, let us make some excuse not to go. I will willingly stay with
you, if you wish me to do so."
She gave me a surprised glance.
"You are very unselfish," she said—"and I wish I were not so
fanciful. It's most kind of you to offer to stay with me and to give
up an evening's pleasure—for I suppose it IS a pleasure? You like
Mr. Santoris?"
The colour rushed to my face in a warm glow.
"Yes," I answered, turning slightly away from her—"I like him very
much."
"And he likes YOU better than he likes any of us," she said—"In
fact, I believe if it had not been for you, we should never have met
him in this strange way—"
"Why, how can you make that out?" I asked, smiling. "I never heard
of him till your father spoke of him,—and never saw him till—"
"Till when?"—she demanded, quickly.
"Till the other night," I answered, hesitatingly.
She searched my face with questioning eyes.
"I thought you were going to say that you, like myself, had some
idea or recollection of having met him before," she said. "However, I
shall not ask you to sacrifice your pleasure for me,—in fact, I have
made up my mind to go to this dinner, though Dr. Brayle doesn't wish
it."
"Oh! Dr. Brayle doesn't wish it!" I echoed—"And why?"
"Well, he thinks it will not be good for me—and—and he hates the
very sight of Santoris!"
I said nothing. She rose to leave my cabin.
"Please don't think too hardly of me!" she said, pleadingly,—"I've
told you frankly just how I feel,—and you can imagine how glad I
shall be when this yachting trip comes to an end."
She went away then, and I stood for some minutes lost in thought. I
dared not pursue the train of memories with which she had connected
herself in my mind. My chief idea now was to find some convenient
method of immediately concluding my stay with the Harlands and
leaving their yacht at some easy point of departure for home. And I
resolved I would speak to Santoris on this subject and trust to him
for a means whereby we should not lose sight of each other, for I
felt that this was imperative. And my spirit rose up within me full
of joy and pride in its instinctive consciousness that I was as
necessary to him as he was to me.
It was a warm, almost sultry evening, and I was able to discard my
serge yachting dress for one of soft white Indian silk, a cooler and
more presentable costume for a dinner-party on board a yacht which
was furnished with such luxury as was the 'Dream.' My little sprig of
bell-heather still looked bright and fresh in the glass where I always
kept it—but to-night when I took it in my hand it suddenly crumbled
into a pinch of fine grey dust. This sudden destruction of what had
seemed well-nigh indestructible startled me for a moment till I began
to think that after all the little bunch of blossom had done its
work,—its message had been given—its errand completed. All the
Madonna lilies Santoris had given me were as fresh as if newly
gathered,—and I chose one of these with its companion bud as my only
ornament. When I joined my host and his party in the saloon he looked
at me with inquisitive scrutiny.
"I cannot quite make you out," he said—"You look several years
younger than you did when you came on board at Rothesay! Is it the
sea air, the sunshine, or—Santoris?"
"Santoris!" I repeated, and laughed. "How can it be Santoris?"
"Well, he makes HIMSELF young," Mr. Harland answered—"And perhaps
he may make others young too. There's no telling the extent of his
powers!"
"Quite the conjurer!" observed Dr. Brayle, drily—"Faust should
have consulted him instead of Mephistopheles!"
"'Faust' is a wonderful legend, but absurd in the fact that the old
philosopher sold his soul to the Devil, merely for the love of
woman,"—said Mr. Harland. "The joy, the sensation and the passion of
love were to him supreme temptation and the only satisfaction on
earth."
Dr. Brayle's eyes gleamed.
"But, after all, is this not a truth?" he asked—"Is there anything
that so completely dominates the life of a man as the love of a
woman? It is very seldom the right woman—but it is always a woman of
some kind. Everything that has ever been done in the world, either
good or evil, can be traced back to the influence of women on
men—sometimes it is their wives who sway their actions, but it is
far more often their mistresses. Kings and emperors are as prone to
the universal weakness as commoners,—we have only to read history to
be assured of the fact. What more could Faust desire than love?"
"Well, to me love is a mistake," said Mr. Harland, throwing on his
overcoat carelessly—"I agree with Byron's dictum 'Who loves, raves!'
Of course it should be an ideal passion—but it never is. Come, are we
all ready?"
We were—and we at once left the yacht in our own launch. Our party
consisted of Mr. Harland, his daughter, myself, Dr. Brayle and Mr.
Swinton, and with such indifferent companions I imagined it would be
difficult, if not impossible, to get even a moment with Santoris
alone, to tell him of my intention to leave my host and hostess as
soon as might be possible. However, I determined to make some effort
in this direction, if I could find even the briefest opportunity.
We made our little trip across the water from the 'Diana' to the
'Dream' in the light of a magnificent sunset. Loch Scavaig was a
blaze of burning colour,—and the skies above us were flushed with
deep rose divided by lines of palest blue and warm gold. Santoris was
waiting on the deck to receive us, attended by his captain and one or
two of the principals of the crew, but what attracted and charmed our
eyes at the moment was a beautiful dark youth of some twelve or
thirteen years of age, clad in Eastern dress, who held a basket full
of crimson and white rose petals, which, with a graceful gesture, he
silently emptied at our feet as we stepped on board. I happened to be
the first one to ascend the companion ladder, so that it looked as if
this fragrant heap of delicate leaves had been thrown down for me to
tread upon, but even if it had been so intended it appeared as though
designed for the whole party. Santoris welcomed us with the kindly
courtesy which always distinguished his manner, and he himself
escorted Miss Harland down to one of the cabins, there to take off the
numerous unnecessary wraps and shawls with which she invariably
clothed herself on the warmest day,—I followed them as they went, and
he turned to me with a smile, saying:—
"You know your room? The same you had yesterday afternoon."
I obeyed his gesture, and entered the exquisitely designed and
furnished apartment which he had said was for a 'princess,' and
closing the door I sat down for a few minutes to think quietly. It
was evident that things were coming to some sort of crisis in my
life,—and shaping to some destiny which I must either accept or
avoid. Decisive action would rest, as I saw, entirely with myself. To
avoid all difficulty, I had only to hold my peace and go my own
way—refuse to know more of this singular man who seemed to be so
mysteriously connected with my life, and return home to the usual
safe, if dull, routine of my ordinary round of work and effort. On
the other hand, to accept the dawning joy that seemed showering upon
me like a light from Heaven, was to blindly move on into the
Unknown,—to trust unquestioningly to the secret spiritual promptings
of my own nature and to give myself up wholly and ungrudgingly to a
love which suggested all things yet promised nothing! Full of the most
conflicting thoughts, I paced the room up and down slowly—the tall
mirror reflected my face and figure and showed me the startlingly
faithful presentment of the woman I had seen in my strange series of
visions,—the woman who centuries ago had fought against convention
and custom, only to be foolishly conquered by them in a thousand
ways,—the woman who had slain love, only that it should rise again
and confront her with deathless eyes of eternal remembrance—the woman
who, drowned at last for love's sake in a sea of wrath and trembling,
knelt outside the barred gate of Heaven praying to enter in! And in my
mind I heard again the words spoken by that sweet and solemn Voice
which had addressed me in the first of my dreams:
"One rose from all the roses in Heaven! One—fadeless and
immortal— only one, but sufficient for all! One love from all the
million loves of men and women—one, but enough for Eternity! How long
the rose has awaited its flowering—how long the love has awaited its
fulfilment—only the recording angels know! Such roses bloom but once
in the wilderness of space and time; such love comes but once in a
Universe of worlds!"
And then I remembered the parting command: "Rise and go hence! Keep
the gift God sends thee!—take that which is thine!—meet that which
hath sought thee sorrowing for many centuries! Turn not aside again,
neither by thine own will nor by the will of others, lest old errors
prevail. Pass from vision into waking!—from night to day!—from
seeming death to life!—from loneliness to love!—and keep within thy
heart the message of a Dream!"
Dared I trust to these suggestions which the worldly-wise would
call mere imagination? A profound philosopher of these latter days has
defined Imagination as 'an advanced perception of truth,' and avers
that the discoveries of the future can always be predicted by the
poet and the seer, whose receptive brains are the first to catch the
premonitions of those finer issues of thought which emanate from the
Divine intelligence. However this may be, my own experience of life
had taught me that what ordinary persons pin their faith upon as
real, is often unreal,—while such promptings of the soul as are
almost incapable of expression lead to the highest realities of
existence. And I decided at last to let matters take their own
course, though I was absolutely resolved to get away from the
Harlands within the next two or three days. I meant to ask Mr.
Harland to land me at Portree, where I could take the steamer for
Glasgow;—any excuse would serve for a hurried departure—and I felt
now that departure was necessary.
A soft sound of musical bells reached my ears at this moment
announcing dinner,—and leaving the 'princess's' apartment, I met
Santoris at the entrance to the saloon. There was no one else there
for the moment but himself, and as I came towards him he took my
hands in his own and raised them to his lips.
"You are not yet resolved!" he said, in a low tone, smiling—"Take
plenty of time!"
I lifted my eyes to his, and all doubt seemed swept away in the
light of our mutual glances—I smiled in response to his look,—and
we loosened our hands quickly as Mr. Harland with his doctor and
secretary came down from the deck, Catherine joining us from the
cabin where she had disburdened herself of her invalid wrappings. She
was rather more elegantly attired than usual—she wore a curious
purple-coloured gown with threads of gold interwoven in the stuff,
and a collar of lace turned back at the throat gave her the aspect of
an old Italian picture—a sort of 'Portrait of a lady,—Artist
unknown.' Not a pleasant portrait, perhaps—but characteristic of a
certain dull and self-centred type of woman. We were soon seated at
table—a table richly, yet daintily, appointed, and adorned with the
costliest flowers and fruits. The men who waited upon us were all
Easterns, dark-eyed and dark-skinned, and wore the Eastern dress,—
all their movements were swift yet graceful and dignified—they made
no noise in the business of serving,—not a dish clattered, not a
glass clashed. They were perfect servants, taking care to avoid the
common but reprehensible method of offering dishes to persons
conversing, thus interrupting the flow of talk at inopportune
moments. And what talk it was!—all sorts of subjects, social and
impersonal, came up for discussion, and Santoris handled them with
such skill that he made us forget that there was anything remarkable
or unusual about himself or his surroundings, though, as a matter of
fact, no more princely banquet could ever have been served in the
most luxurious of palaces. Half-way through the meal, when the
conversation came for a moment to a pause, the most exquisite music
charmed our ears—beginning softly and far away, it swelled out to
rich and glorious harmonies like a full orchestra playing under the
sea. We looked at each other and then at our host in charmed enquiry.
"Electricity again!" he said—"So simply managed that it is not
worth talking about! Unfortunately, it is mechanical music, and this
can never be like the music evolved from brain and fingers; however,
it fills in gaps of silence when conventional minds are at a strain
for something to say—something quite 'safe' and unlikely to provoke
discussion!"
His keen blue eyes flashed with a sudden gleam of scorn in them. I
looked at him half questioningly, and the scorn melted into a smile.
"It isn't good form to start any subject which might lead to
argument," he went on—"The modern brain must not be exercised too
strenuously,—it is not strong enough to stand much effort. What do
you say, Harland?"
"I agree," answered Mr. Harland. "As a rule people who dine as well
as we are dining to-night have no room left for mentality—they
become all digestion!"
Dr. Brayle laughed.
"Nothing like a good dinner if one has an appetite for it. I think
it quite possible that Faust would have left his Margaret for a full
meal!"
"I'm sure he would!" chimed in Mr. Swinton—"Any man would!"
Santoris looked down the table with a curious air of half-amused
inspection. His eyes, clear and searching in their swift glance, took
in the whole group of us—Mr. Harland enjoying succulent asparagus;
Dr. Brayle drinking champagne; Mr. Swinton helping himself out of some
dish of good things offered to him by one of the servants; Catherine
playing in a sort of demure, old-maidish way with knife and fork as if
she were eating against her will—and finally they rested on me, to
whom the dinner was just a pretty pageant of luxury in which I
scarcely took any part.
"Well, whatever Faust would or would not do," he said, half
laughingly—"it's certain that food is never at a discount. Women
frequently are."
"Women," said Mr. Harland, poising a stem of asparagus in the air,
"are so constituted as to invariably make havoc either of themselves
or of the men they profess to love. Wives neglect their husbands, and
husbands naturally desert their wives. Devoted lovers quarrel and part
over the merest trifles. The whole thing is a mistake."
"What whole thing?" asked Santoris, smiling.
"The relations between man and woman," Harland answered. "In my
opinion we should conduct ourselves like the birds and animals, whose
relationships are neither binding nor lasting, but are just sufficient
to preserve the type. That's all that is really needed. What is called
love is mere sentiment."
"Do you endorse that verdict, Miss Harland?" Santoris asked,
suddenly.
Catherine looked up, startled—her yellow skin flushed a pale red.
"I don't know," she answered—"I scarcely heard—""
"Your father doesn't believe in love," he said—"Do you?"
"I hope it exists," she murmured—"But nowadays people are so VERY
practical—"
"Oh, believe me, they are no more practical now than they ever
were!" averred Santoris, laughing. "There's as much romance in the
modern world as in the ancient;—the human heart has the same
passions, but they are more deeply suppressed and therefore more
dangerous. And love holds the same eternal sway—so does jealousy."
Dr. Brayle looked up.
"Jealousy is an uncivilised thing," he said—"It is a kind of
primitive passion from which no well-ordered mind should suffer."
Santoris smiled.
"Primitive passions are as forceful as they ever were," he
answered. "No culture can do away with them. Jealousy, like love, is
one of the motive powers of progress. It is a great evil—but a
necessary one—as necessary as war. Without strife of some sort the
world would become like a stagnant pool breeding nothing but weeds and
the slimy creatures pertaining to foulness. Even in love, the most
divine of passions, there should be a wave of uncertainty and a sense
of unsolved mystery to give it everlastingness."
"Everlastingness?" queried Mr. Harland—"Or simply life
lastingness?"
"Everlastingness!" repeated Santoris. "Love that lacks eternal
stability is not love at all, but simply an affectionate
understanding and agreeable companionship in this world only. For the
other world or worlds—"
"Ah! You are going too far," interrupted Mr. Harland—"You know I
cannot follow you! And with all due deference to the fair sex I very
much doubt if any one of them would care for a love that was destined
to last for ever."
"No MAN would," interrupted Brayle, sarcastically.
Santoris gave him a quick glance.
"No man is asked to care!" he said—"Nor woman either. SOULS are
not only asked, but COMMANDED, to care! This, however, is beyond you!"
"And beyond most people," answered Brayle—"Such ideas are purely
imaginary and transcendental."
"Granted!" And Santoris gave him a quick, straight glance—"But
what do you mean by 'imaginary' and 'transcendental'? Imagination is
the faculty of conceiving in the brain ideas which may with time
spring to the full fruition of realisation. Every item of our
present-day civilisation has been 'imagined' before taking practical
shape. 'Transcendental' means BEYOND the ordinary happenings of life
and life's bodily routine—and this 'beyond' expresses itself so often
that there are few lives lived for a single day without some touch of
its inexplicable marvel. It is on such lines as these that human
beings drift away from happiness,—they will only believe what they
can see, while all the time their actual lives depend on what they do
NOT see!"
There was a moment's silence. The charm of his voice was
potent—and still more so the fascination of his manner and bearing,
and Mr. Harland looked at him in something of wonder and appeal.
"You are a strange fellow, Santoris!" he said, at last, "And you
always were! Even now I can hardly believe that you are really the
very Santoris that struck such terror into the hearts of some of us
undergrads at Oxford! I say I can hardly believe it, though I know
you ARE the man. But I wish you would tell me—"
"All about myself?" And Santoris smiled—"I will, with
pleasure!—if the story does not bore you. There is no mystery about
it—no 'black magic,' or 'occultism' of any kind. I have done nothing
since I left college but adapt myself to the forces of Nature, AND TO
USE THEM WHEN NECESSARY. The same way of life is open to all—and the
same results are bound to follow."
"Results? Such as—?" queried Brayle.
"Health, youth and power!" answered Santoris, with an involuntary
slight clenching of the firm, well-shaped hand that rested lightly on
the table,—"Command of oneself!—command of body, command of spirit,
and so on through an ever ascending scale! Every man with the breath
of God in him is a master, not a slave!"
My heart beat quickly as he spoke; something rose up in me like a
response to a call, and I wondered—Did he assume to master ME? No! I
would not yield to that! If yielding were necessary, it must be my own
free will that gave in, not his compelling influence! As this thought
ran through my brain I met his eyes,—he smiled a little, and I saw he
had guessed my mind. The warm blood rushed to my cheeks in a fervent
glow, nevertheless the defiance of my soul was strong— as strong as
the love which had begun to dominate me. And I listened eagerly as he
went on.
"I began at Oxford by playing the slave part," he said—"a slave to
conventions and fossil-methods of instruction. One can really learn
more from studying the actual formation of rocks than from those
worthy Dons whom nothing will move out of their customary ruts of
routine. Even at that early time I felt that, given a man of health
and good physical condition, with sound brain, sound lungs and firm
nerves, it was not apparent why he, evidently born to rule, should
put himself into the leading strings of Oxford or any other forcing-
bed of intellectual effort. That it would be better if such an one
took HIMSELF in hand and tried to find out HIS OWN meaning, both in
relation to the finite and infinite gradations of Spirit and Matter.
And I resolved to enter upon the task—without allowing myself to
fear failure or to hope for success. My aim was to discover Myself
and my meaning, if such a thing were possible. No atom, however
infinitesimal, is without origin, history, place and use in the
Universe—and I, a conglomerated mass of atoms called Man, resolved
to search out the possibilities, finite and infinite, of my own
entity. With this aim I began—with this aim I continued."
"Your task is not finished, then?" put in Dr. Brayle, with a
smilingly incredulous air.
"It will never be finished," answered Santoris—"An eternal thing
has no end."
There was a moment's silence.
"Well,—go on, Santoris!" said Mr. Harland, with a touch of
impatience,—"And tell us especially what we all of us are chiefly
anxious to know—how it is that you are young when according to the
time of the world you should be old?"
Santoris smiled again.
"Ah! That is a purely personal touch of inquisitiveness!" he
answered—"It is quite human and natural, of course, but not always
wise. In every great lesson of life or scientific discovery people
ask first of all 'How can I benefit by it?' or 'How will it
affect ME?' And while asking the question they yet will not trouble to
get an answer OUT OF THEMSELVES,—but they turn to others for the
solution of the mystery. To keep young is not at all difficult; when
certain simple processes of Nature are mastered the difficulty is to
grow old!"
We all sat silent, waiting in mute expectancy. The servants had
left us, and only the fruits and dainties of dessert remained to tempt
us in baskets and dishes of exquisitely coloured Venetian glass,
contrasting with the graceful clusters of lovely roses and lilies
which added their soft charm to the decorative effect of the table,
and Santoris passed the wine, a choice Chateau-Yquem, round to us all
before beginning to speak again. And when he did speak, it was in a
singularly quiet, musical voice which exercised a kind of spell upon
my ears—I had heard that voice before—ah!—how often! How often
through the course of my life had I listened to it wonderingly in
dreams of which the waking morning brought no explanation! How it had
stolen upon me like an echo from far away, when alone in the pauses of
work and thought I had longed for some comprehension and sympathy! And
I had reproached myself for my own fancies and imaginings, deeming
them wholly foolish and irresponsible! And now! Now its gentle and
familiar tone went straight to the centre of my spiritual
consciousness, and forced me to realise that for the Soul there is no
escape from its immortal remembrance!
"When I left Oxford," he said—"as I told you before, I left what I
conceived to be slavery—that is, a submissively ordered routine of
learning in which there occurred nothing new—nothing hopeful—
nothing really serviceable. I mastered all there was to master, and
carried away 'honours' which I deemed hardly worth winning. It was
supposed then—most people would suppose it—that as I found myself
the possessor of an income of between five and six thousand a year, I
would naturally 'live my life,' as the phrase goes, and enter upon
what is called a social career. Now to my mind a social career simply
means social sham—and to live my life had always a broader
application for me than for the majority of men. So, having
ascertained all I could concerning myself and my affairs from my
father's London solicitors, and learning exactly how I was situated
with regard to finances and what is called the 'practical' side of
life, I left England for Egypt, the land where I was born. I had an
object in view,—and that object was not only to see my own old home,
but to find out the whereabouts of a certain great sage and mystic
philosopher long known in the East by the name of Heliobas."
I started, and the blood rushed to my cheeks in a burning flame.
"I think YOU knew him," he went on, addressing me directly, with a
straight glance—"You met him some years back, did you not?"
I bent my head in silent assent,—and saw the eyes of my host and
hostess turned upon me in questioning scrutiny.
"In a certain circle of students and mystics he was renowned,"
continued Santoris,—"and I resolved to see what he could make of
me—what he would advise, and how I should set to work to discover
what I had resolved to find. However, at the end of a long and
tedious journey, I met with disappointment—Heliobas had removed to
another sphere of action—"
"He was dead, you mean," interposed Mr. Harland.
"Not at all," answered Santoris, calmly. "There is no death. To put
it quite simply, he had reached the top of his class in this
particular school of life and learning and, therefore, was ready and
willing to pass on into the higher grade. He, however, left a
successor capable of maintaining the theories he inculcated,—a man
named Aselzion, who elected to live in an almost inaccessible spot
among mountains with a few followers and disciples. Him I found after
considerable difficulty—and we came to understand each other so well
that I stayed with him some time studying all that he deemed needful
before I started on my own voyage of discovery. His methods of
instruction were arduous and painful—in fact, I may say I went
through a veritable ordeal of fire—"
He broke off, and for a moment seemed absorbed in recollections.
"You are speaking, I suppose, of some rule of life, some kind of
novitiate to which you had to submit yourself," said Mr. Harland—
"Or was it merely a course of study?"
"In one sense it was a sort of novitiate or probation," answered
Santoris, slowly, with the far-away, musing look still in his eyes—
"In another it was, as you put it, 'merely' a course of study.
Merely! It was a course of study in which every nerve, every muscle,
every sinew was tested to its utmost strength—and in which a combat
between the spiritual and material was fiercely fought till the one
could master the other so absolutely as to hold it in perfect
subjection. Well! I came out of the trial fairly well—strong enough
at any rate to stand alone—as I have done ever since."
"And to what did your severe ordeal lead?" asked Dr. Brayle, who by
this time appeared interested, though still wearing his incredulous,
half-sneering air—"To anything which you could not have gained just
as easily without it?"
Santoris looked straight at him. His keen eyes glowed as though
some bright fire of the soul had leaped into them.
"In the first place," he answered—"it led me to power! Power,—not
only over myself but over all things small and great that surround or
concern my being. I think you will admit that if a man takes up any
line of business, it is necessary for him to understand all its
technical methods and practical details. My business was and IS
Life!—the one thing that humanity never studies, and therefore fails
to master."
Mr. Harland looked up.
"Life is mysterious and inexplicable," he said—"We cannot tell why
we live. No one can fathom that mystery. We are Here through no
conscious desire of our own,—and again we are NOT here just as we
have learned to accommodate ourselves to the fact of being Anywhere!"
"True!" answered Santoris—"But to understand the 'why' of life we
must first of all realise that its origin Is Love. Love creates life
because it MUST; even agnostics, when pushed to the wall in argument
grant that some mysterious and mighty Force is at the back of
creation,—a Force which is both intelligent and beneficent. The
trite saying 'God is Love' is true enough, but it is quite as true to
say 'Love is God.' The commencement of universes, solar systems and
worlds is the desire of Love to express Itself. No more and no less
than this. From desire springs action,—from action life. It only
remains for each living unit to bring itself into harmonious union
with this one fundamental law of the whole cosmos,—the expression and
action of Love which is based, as naturally it must be, on a dual
entity."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Dr. Brayle.
"As a physician, and I presume as a scientist, you ought scarcely
to ask," replied Santoris, with a slight smile. "For you surely know
there is no single thing in the Universe. The very microbes of
disease or health go in pairs. Light and darkness,—the up and the
down,—the right and the left,—the storm and the calm,—the male and
the female,—all things are dual; and the sorrows of humanity are for
the most part the result of ill-assorted numbers,—figures brought
together that will not count up properly—wrong halves of the puzzle
that will never fit into place. The mischief runs through all
civilization,—wrong halves of races brought together which do not and
never can assimilate,—and in an individual personal sense wrong
halves of spirit and matter are often forced together which are bound
by law to separate in time with some attendant disaster. The error is
caused by the obstinate miscomprehension of man himself as to the
nature and extent of his own powers and faculties. He forgets that he
is not 'as the beasts that perish,' but that he has the breath of God
in him,—that he holds within himself the seed of immortality which is
perpetually re-creative. He is bound by all the laws of the Universe
to give that immortal life its dual entity and attendant power,
without which he cannot attain his highest ends. It may take him
thousands of years—cycles of time,—but it has to be done. Materially
speaking, he may perhaps consider that he has secured his dual entity
by a pleasing or fortunate marriage—but if he is not spiritually
mated, his marriage is useless,—ay! worse than useless, as it only
interposes fresh obstacles between himself and his intended progress."
"Marriage can hardly be called a useless institution," said Dr.
Brayle, with an uplifting of his sinister brows; "It helps to
populate the world."
"It does," answered Santoris, calmly—"But if the pairs that are
joined in marriage have no spiritual bond between them and nothing
beyond the attraction of the mere body—they people the world with
more or less incapable, unthinking and foolish creatures like
themselves. And supposing these to be born in tens of millions, like
ants or flies, they will not carry on the real purpose of man's
existence to anything more than that stoppage and recoil which is
called Death, but which in reality is only a turning back of the
wheels of time when the right road has been lost and it becomes
imperative to begin the journey all over again."
We sat silent; no one had any comment to offer.
"We are arriving at that same old turning-point once more," he
continued—"The Western civilisation of two thousand years, assisted
(and sometimes impeded) by the teachings of Christianity, is nearing
its end. Out of the vast wreckage of nations, now imminent, only a
few individuals can be saved,—and the storm is so close at hand that
one can almost hear the mutterings of the thunder! But why should I or
you or anyone else think about it? We have our own concerns to attend
to—and we attend to these so well that we forget all the most vital
necessities that should make them of any importance! However—in this
day—nothing matters! Shall I go on with my own story, or have you
heard enough?"
"Not half enough!" said Catherine Harland, quite suddenly—she had
scarcely spoken before, but she now leaned forward, looking eagerly
interested—"You speak of power over yourself,—do you possess the
same power over others?"
"Not unless they come into my own circle of action," he answered.
"It would not be worth my while to exert any influence on persons who
are, and ever must be, indifferent to me. I can, of course, defend
myself against enemies—and that without lifting a hand."
Everyone, save myself, looked at him inquisitively,—but he did not
explain his meaning. He went on very quietly with his own personal
narrative.
"As I have told you," he said—"I came out of my studies with
Aselzion successfully enough to feel justified in going on with my
work alone. I took up my residence in Egypt in my father's old home-
-a pretty place enough with wide pleasure grounds planted thickly
with palm trees and richly filled with flowers,—and here I undertook
the mastery and comprehension of the most difficult subject ever
propounded for learning—the most evasive, complex, yet exact piece of
mathematics ever set out for solving—Myself! Myself was my puzzle!
How to unite myself with Nature so thoroughly as to insinuate myself
into her secrets,—possess all she could offer me,- -and yet detach
myself from Self so completely as to be ready to sacrifice all I had
gained at a moment's notice should that moment come."
"You are paradoxical," said Mr. Harland, irritably. "What's the use
of gaining anything if it is to be lost at a moment's bidding?"
"It is the only way to hold and keep whatever there is to win,"
answered Santoris, calmly—"And the paradox is no greater than that
of 'He that loveth his life shall lose it.' The only 'moment' of
supreme self-surrender is Love—when that comes everything else must
go. Love alone can compass life, perfect it, complete it and carry it
on to eternal happiness. But please bear in mind that I am speaking of
real Love,—not mere physical attraction. The two things are as
different as light from darkness."
"Is your curious conception or ideal of love the reason, why you
have never married?" asked Brayle, abruptly.
"Precisely!" replied Santoris. "It is most unquestionably and
emphatically the reason why I have never married."
There was a pause. I saw Catherine glancing at him with a strange
furtiveness in which there was something of fear.
"You have never met your ideal, I suppose?" she asked, with a faint
smile.
"Oh yes, I've met her!" he answered—"Ages ago! On many occasions I
have met her;—sometimes she has estranged herself from me,—
sometimes she has been torn from me by others—and still more often I
have, through my own folly and obstinacy, separated myself from
her—but our mutual mistakes do no more than delay the inevitable
union at last."—Here he spoke slowly and with marked meaning—"For
it IS an inevitable union!—as inevitable as that of two electrons
which, after spinning in space for certain periods of time, rush
together at last and remain so indissolubly united that nothing can
ever separate them."
"And then?" queried Dr. Brayle, with an ironical air.
"Then? Why, everything is possible then! Beauty, perfection,
wisdom, progress, creativeness, and a world—even worlds—of splendid
thought and splendid ideals, bound to lead to still more splendid
realisation! It is not difficult to imagine two brains, two minds
moving so absolutely in unison that like a grand chord of music they
strike harmony through hitherto dumb life-episodes—but think of two
immortal souls full of a love as deathless as themselves, conjoined
in highest effort and superb attainment!—the love of angel for
angel, of god for god! You think this ideal imaginative,—
transcendental—impossible!—yet I swear to you it is the most REAL
possibility in this fleeting mirage of a world!"
His voice thrilled with a warmth of feeling and conviction, and as
I heard him speak I trembled inwardly with a sudden remorse—a quick
sense of inferiority and shame. Why could I not let myself go? Why
did I not give the fluttering spirit within me room to expand its
wings? Something opposing,—something inimical to my peace and
happiness held me back—and presently I began to wonder whether I
should attribute it to the influence of those with whom I was
temporarily associated. I was almost confirmed in this impression
when Mr. Harland's voice, harsh and caustic as it could be when he
was irritated or worsted in an argument, broke the momentary silence.
"You are more impossible now than you ever were at Oxford,
Santoris!" he said—"You out-transcend all transcendentalism! You
know, or you ought to know by this time, that there is no such thing
as an immortal soul—and if you believe otherwise you have brought
yourself voluntarily into that state of blind credulity. All science
teaches us that we are the mere spawn of the planet on which we
live,—we are here to make the best of it for ourselves and for
others who come after us—and there's an end. What is called Love is
the mere physical attraction between the two sexes—no more,—and it
soon palls. All that we gain we quickly cease to care for—it is the
way of humanity."
"What a poor creation humanity is, then!" said Santoris, with a
smile—"How astonishing that it should exist at all for no higher
aims than those of the ant or the mouse! My dear Harland, if your
beliefs were really sound we should be bound in common duty and
charity to stop the population of the world altogether—for the whole
business is useless. Useless and even cruel, for it is nothing but a
crime to allow people to be born for no other end than extinction!
However, keep your creeds! I thank Heaven they are not mine!"
Mr. Harland gave a slight movement of impatience. I could see that
he was disturbed in his mind.
"Let's talk of something I can follow," he said—"the personal and
material side of things. Your perennial condition of health, for
example. Your apparent youth—"
"Oh, is it only 'apparent'?" laughed Santoris, gaily—"Well, to
those who never knew me in my boyhood's days and are therefore never
hurling me back to their 'thirty years or more ago' of friendship,
etc., my youth seems very actual! You see their non-ability to count
up the time I have spent on earth obliges them to accept me at my own
valuation! There's really nothing to explain in the matter. Everyone
can keep young if he understands himself and Nature. If I were to tell
you the literal truth of the process, you would not believe me,—and
even if you did you would not have the patience to carry it out! But
what does it matter after all? If we only live for the express purpose
of dying, the sooner we get the business over and done with the
better—youth itself has no charms under such circumstances. All the
purposes of life, however lofty and nobly planned, are bound to end in
nothingness,—and it is hardly worth while taking the trouble to
breathe the murderous air!"
He spoke with a kind of passion—his eyes were luminous—his face
transfigured with an almost superhuman glow, and we all looked at him
in something of amazement.
Mr. Harland fidgeted uneasily in his chair.
"You go too far!" he said—"Life is agreeable as long as it
lasts—"
"Have you found it so?" Santoris interrupted him. "Has it not, even
in your pursuit and attainment of wealth, brought you more pain than
pleasure? Number up all the possibilities of life, from the existence
of the labourer in his hut to that of the king on his throne, they are
none of them worth striving for or keeping if death is the ultimate
end. Ambition is merest folly,—wealth a temporary possession of
perishable goods which must pass to others,—fame a brief noise of
one's name in mouths that will soon be dumb,—and love, sex-attraction
only. What a treacherous and criminal act, then, is this Creation of
Universes!—what mad folly!—what sheer, blind, reasonless
wickedness!"
There was a silence. His eyes flashed from one to the other of us.
"Can you deny it?" he demanded. "Can you find any sane, logical
reason for the continuance of life which is to end in utter
extinction, or for the creation of worlds doomed to eternal
destruction?"
No one spoke.
"You have no answer ready," he said—and smiled—"Naturally! For an
answer is impossible! And here you have the key to what you consider
my mystery—the mystery of keeping young instead of growing old—the
secret of living instead of dying! It is simply the conscious
PRACTICAL realisation that there is no Death, but only Change. That
is the first part of the process. Change, or transmutation and
transformation of the atoms and elements of which we are composed, is
going on for ever without a second's cessation,—it began when we were
born and before we were born—and the art of LIVING YOUNG consists
simply in using one's soul and will-power to guide this process of
change towards the ends we desire, instead of leaving it to blind
chance and to the association with inimical influences, which
interfere with our best actions. For example—I—a man in sound health
and condition—realise that with every moment SOME change is working
in me towards SOME end. It rests entirely with myself as to whether
the change shall be towards continuance of health or towards admission
of disease—towards continuance of youth or towards the encouragement
of age,—towards life as it presents itself to me now, or towards some
other phase of life as I perceive it in the future. I can advance or
retard myself as I please—the proper management of Myself being my
business. If I should suffer pain or illness I am very sure it will be
chiefly through my own fault—if I invite decay and decrepitude, it
will be because I allow these forces to encroach upon my
well-being—in fact, briefly—I AM what I WILL to be!—and all the
laws that brought me into existence support me in this attitude of
mind, body and spirit!"
"If we could all become what we WOULD be," said Dr. Brayle, "we
should attain the millennium!"
"Are you sure of that?" queried Santoris. "Would it not rather
depend on the particular choice each one of us might make? You, for
example, might wish to be something that would hardly tend to your
happiness,—and your wish being obtained you might become what (if
you had only realised it) you would give worlds not to be! Some men
desire to be thieves—even murderers—and become so—but the end of
their desires is not perhaps what they imagined!"
"Can you read people's thoughts?" asked Catherine, suddenly.
Santoris looked amused. He replied by a counter question.
"Would you be sorry if I could?"
She flushed a little. I smiled, knowing what was in her mind.
"It would be a most unpleasant accomplishment—that of reading the
thoughts of others," said Mr. Harland; "I would rather not cultivate
it." "But Mr. Santoris almost implies that he possesses it," said Dr.
Brayle, with a touch of irritation in his manner; "And, after all,
'thought-reading' is a kind of society amusement nowadays. There is
nothing very difficult in it."
"Nothing, indeed!" agreed Santoris, lightly; "And being as easy as
it is, why do you not show us at once that antique piece of jewellery
you have in your pocket! You brought it with you this evening to show
to me and ask my opinion of its value, did you not?"
Brayle's eyes opened in utter amazement. If ever a man was taken
completely by surprise, he was.
"How did you know?" he began, stammeringly, while Mr. Harland,
equally astonished, stared at him through his round spectacles as
though challenging some defiance.
Santoris laughed.
"Thought-reading is only a society amusement, as you have just
observed," he said—"And I have been amusing myself with it for the
last few minutes. Come!—let us see your treasure!"
Dr. Brayle was thoroughly embarrassed,—but he tried to cover his
confusion by an awkward laugh.
"Well, you have made a very clever hit!" he said—"Quite a random
shot, of course—which by mere coincidence went to its mark! It's
quite true I have brought with me a curious piece of jewel-work which
I always carry about wherever I go—and something moved me to- night
to ask your opinion of its value, as well as to place its period. It
is old Italian; but even experts are not agreed as to its exact date."
He put his hand in his breast pocket and drew out a small silk bag
from which he took with great care a collar of jewels, designed in a
kind of chain-work which made it perfectly flexible. He laid it out
on the table,—and I bit my lip hard to suppress an involuntary
exclamation. For I had seen the thing before—and for the immediate
moment could not realise where, till a sudden flash of light through
the cells of my brain reminded me of that scene of love and death in
the vision of the artist's studio when the name 'Cosmo de Medicis'
had been whispered like an evil omen. The murderer in that dream-
picture had worn a collar of jewels precisely similar to the one I
now saw; but I could only keep silence and listen with every nerve
strained to utmost attention while Santoris took the ornament in his
hand and looked at it with an intent earnestness in which there was
almost a touch of compassion.
"A beautiful piece of workmanship," he said, at last, slowly, while
Mr. Harland, Catherine, and Swinton the secretary all drew up closer
to him at the table and leaned eagerly forward—"And I should say"—
here he raised his eyes and looked full at the dark, brooding,
sinister face of Brayle—"I should say that it belonged to the Medici
period. It must have been part of the dress of a nobleman of that
time—the design seems to me to be Florentine. Perhaps if these jewels
could speak they might tell a strange story!—they are unhappy
stones!"
"Unhappy!" exclaimed Catherine—"You mean unlucky?"
"No!—there is no such thing as luck," answered Santoris, quietly,
turning the collar over and over in his hands—"Not for either jewels
or men! But there IS unhappiness,—and unhappiness simply means life
being put to wrong uses. I call these gems 'unhappy' because they have
been wrongfully used. A precious stone is a living thing—it absorbs
influences as the earth absorbs light, and these jewels have absorbed
some sense of evil that renders them less beautiful than they might
be. These diamonds and rubies, these emeralds and sapphires, have not
the full lustre of their own true nature,—they are in the condition
of pining flowers. It will take centuries before they resume their
natural brilliancy. There is some tragedy hidden among them."
Dr. Brayle looked amused.
"Well, I can give you no history of them," he said—"A friend of
mine bought the collar from an old Jew curiosity dealer in a back
street of Florence and sent it to me to wear with a Florentine dress
at a fancy dress ball. Curiously enough I chose to represent one of
the Medicis, some artist having told me my features resembled their
type of countenance. That's the chronicle, so far as I am concerned.
I rather liked it on account of its antiquity. I could have sold it
many times over, but I have no desire to part with it."
"Naturally!"—and Santoris passed on the collar to everyone to
examine—"You feel a sense of proprietorship in it."
Catherine Harland had the trinket in her hand, and a curious vague
look of terror came over her face as she presently passed it back to
its owner. But she made no remark and it was Mr. Harland who resumed
the conversation.
"That's an odd idea of yours about unhappy jewels," he said—
"Perhaps the misfortune attending the possessors of the famous blue
Hope diamond could be traced to some early tragedy connected with
it."
"Unquestionably!" replied Santoris. "Now look at this!"—and he
drew from his watch pocket a small fine gold chain to which was
attached a moonstone of singular size and beauty, set in a circle of
diamonds—"Here is a sort of talismanic jewel—it has never known any
disastrous influences, nor has it been disturbed by malevolent
surroundings. It is a perfectly happy, unsullied gem! As you see, the
lustre is perfect—as clear as that of a summer moon in heaven. Yet it
is a very old jewel and has seen more than a thousand years of life."
We all examined the beautiful ornament, and as I held it in my hand
a moment it seemed to emit tiny sparks of luminance like a flash of
moonlight on rippling waves.
"Women should take care that their jewels are made happy," he
continued, looking at me with a slight smile, "That is, if they want
them to shine. Nothing that lives is at its best unless it is in a
condition of happiness—a condition which after all is quite easy to
attain."
"Easy! I should have thought nothing was so difficult!" said Mr.
Harland.
"Nothing certainly is so difficult in the ordinary way of life men
choose to live," answered Santoris—"For the most part they run after
the shadow and forsake the light. Even in work and the creative action
of thought each ordinary man imagines that his especial work being
all-important, it is necessary for him to sacrifice everything to it.
And he does,—if he is filled with worldly ambition and selfish
concentration; and he produces something—anything—which frequently
proves to be ephemeral as gossamer dust. It is only when work is the
outcome of a great love and keen sympathy for others that it lasts and
keeps its influence. Now we have talked enough about all these
theories, which are not interesting to anyone who is not prepared to
accept them—shall we go up on deck?"
We all rose at once, Santoris holding out a box of cigars to the
men to help themselves. Catherine and I preceded them up the saloon
stairs to the deck, which was now like a sheet of silver in the light
shed by one of the loveliest moons of the year. The water around was
sparkling with phosphorescence and the dark mountains looked higher
and more imposing than ever, rising as they seemed to do sheer up from
the white splendour of the sea. I leaned over the deck rail, gazing
down into the deep liquid mirror of stars below, and my heart was
heavy and full of a sense of bitterness and tears. Catherine had
dropped languidly into a chair and was leaning back in it with a
strange, far-away expression on her tired face. Suddenly she spoke
with an almost mournful gentleness.
"Do you like his theories?"
I turned towards her enquiringly.
"I mean, do you like the idea of there being no death and that we
only change from one life to another and so on for ever?" she
continued. "To me it is appalling! Sometimes I think death the
kindest thing that can happen—especially for women."
I was in the mood to agree with her. I went up to her and knelt
down by her side.
"Yes!" I said, and I felt the tremor of tears in my voice—"Yes,
for women death often seems very kind! When there is no love and no
hope of love,—when the world is growing grey and the shadows are
deepening towards night,—when the ones we most dearly love misjudge
and mistrust us and their hearts are closed against our tenderness,
then death seems the greatest god of all!—one before whom we may
well kneel and offer up our prayers! Who could, who WOULD live for
ever quite alone in an eternity without love? Oh, how much kinder,
how much sweeter would be utter extinction—"
My voice broke; and Catherine, moved by some sudden womanly
impulse, put her arm round me.
"Why, you are crying!" she said, softly. "What is it? You, who are
always so bright and happy!"
I quickly controlled the weakness of my tears.
"Yes, it is foolish!" I said—"But I feel to-night as if I had
wasted a good part of my life in useless research,—in looking for
what has been, after all, quite close to my hand,—only that I failed
to see it!—and that I must go back upon the road I thought I had
passed—"
Here I paused. I saw she could not understand me.
"Catherine," I went on, abruptly—"Will you let me leave you in a
day or two? I have been quite a fortnight with you on board the
'Diana,' and I think I have had enough holiday. I should like"—and I
looked up at her from where I knelt—"I should like to part from you
while we remain good friends—and I have an idea that perhaps we shall
not agree so well if we learn to know more of each other."
She bent her eyes upon me with a half-frightened expression.
"How strange you should think that!" she murmured—"I have felt the
same—and yet I really like you very much—I always liked you—I wish
you would believe it!"
I smiled.
"Dear Catherine," I said—"it is no use shutting our eyes to the
fact that while there is something which attracts us to each other,
there is also something which repels. We cannot argue about it or
analyse it. Such mysterious things DO occur,—and they are beyond our
searching out—"
"But," she interrupted, quickly—"we were not so troubled by these
mysterious things till we met this man Santoris—"
She broke off, and I rose to my feet, as just then Santoris
approached, accompanied by Mr. Harland and the others.
"I have suggested giving you a sail by moonlight before you leave,"
he said. "It will be an old experience for you under new conditions.
Sailing by moonlight in an ordinary sense is an ordinary thing,—but
sailing by moonlight with the moonlight as part of our motive power
has perhaps a touch of originality."
As he spoke he made a sign to one of his men who came up to receive
his orders, which were given in too low a tone for us to hear. Easy
deck chairs were placed for all the party, and we were soon seated in
a group together, somewhat silently at first, our attention being
entirely riveted on the wonderful, almost noiseless way in which the
sails of the 'Dream' were unfurled. There was no wind,—the night was
warm and intensely still—the sea absolutely calm. Like broad white
wings, the canvas gradually spread out under the deft, quick hands of
the sailors employed in handling it,—the anchor was drawn up in the
same swift and silent manner—then there came an instant's pause. Mr.
Harland drew his cigar from his mouth and looked up amazed, as we all
did, at the mysterious way in which the sails filled out, pulling the
cordage tightly into bands of iron strength,—and none of us could
restrain an involuntary cry of wonder and admiration as their
whiteness began to glitter with the radiance of hoar-frost, the
strange luminance deepening in intensity till it seemed as if the
whole stretch of canvas from end to end of the magnificent schooner
was a mass of fine jewel-work sparkling under the moon.
"Well! However much I disagree with your theories of life,
Santoris," said Mr. Harland,—"I will give you full credit for this
extraordinary yacht of yours! It's the most wonderful thing I ever
saw, and you are a wonderful fellow to have carried out such an
unique application of science. You ought to impart your secret to the
world."
Santoris laughed lightly.
"And the world would take a hundred years or more to discuss it,
consider it, deny it, and finally accept it," he said—"No! One grows
tired of asking the world to be either wise or happy. It prefers its
own way—just as I prefer mine. It will discover the method of sailing
without wind, and it will learn how to make every sort of mechanical
progress without steam in time—but not in our day,—and I,
personally, cannot afford to wait while it is slowly learning its ABC
like a big child under protest. You see we're going now!"
We were 'going' indeed,—it would have been more correct to say we
were flying. Over the still water our vessel glided like a moving
beautiful shape of white fire, swiftly and steadily, with no sound
save the little hissing murmur of the water cleft under her keel. And
then like a sudden whisper from fairyland came the ripple of
harp-strings, running upward in phrases of exquisite melody, and a
boy's voice, clear, soft and full, began to sing, with a pure
enunciation which enabled us to hear every word:
Sailing, sailing! Whither?
What path of the flashing sea
Seems best for you and me?
No matter the way,
By night or day,
So long as we sail together!
Sailing, sailing! Whither?
Into the rosy grace
Of the sun's deep setting-place?
We need not know
How far we go,
So long as we sail together!
Sailing, sailing! Whither?
To the glittering rainbow strand
Of Love's enchanted land?
We ask not where
In earth or air,
So long as we sail together!
Sailing, sailing! Whither?
On to the life divine,—
Your soul made one with mine!
In Heaven or Hell
All must be well,
So long as we sail together!
The song finished with a passionate chord which, played as it was
with swift intensity, seemed to awaken a response from the sea,—at
any rate a strange shivering echo trembled upward as it were from the
water and floated into the spacious silence of the night. My heart
beat with uncomfortable quickness and my eyes grew hot with the weight
of suppressed tears;—why could I not escape from the cruel,
restraining force that held my real self prisoner as with manacles of
steel? I could not even speak; and while the others were clapping
their hands in delighted applause at the beauty of both voice and
song, I sat silent.
"He sings well!" said Santoris—"He is the Eastern lad you saw when
you came on deck this morning. I brought him from Egypt. He will give
us another song presently. Shall we walk a little?"
We rose and paced the deck slowly, gradually dividing in couples,
Catherine and Dr. Brayle—Mr. Harland and his secretary,—Santoris
and myself. We two paused together at the stern of the vessel looking
towards the bowsprit, which seemed to pierce the distance of sea and
sky like a flying arrow.
"You wish to speak to me alone," said Santoris, then—"Do you not?
Though I know what you want to say!"
I glanced at him with a touch of defiance.
"Then I need not speak," I answered.
"No, you need not speak, unless you give utterance to what is in
your true soul," he said—"I would rather you did not play at
conventions with me."
For the moment I felt almost angry.
"I do not play at conventions," I murmured.
"Oh, do you not? Is that quite candid?"
I raised my eyes and met his,—he was smiling. Some of the
oppression in my soul suddenly gave way, and I spoke hurriedly in a
low tone.
"Surely you know how difficult it is for me?" I said. "Things have
happened so strangely,—and we are surrounded here by influences that
compel conventionality. I cannot speak to you as frankly as I would
under other circumstances. It is easy for YOU to be yourself;- -you
have gained the mastery over all lesser forces than your own. But with
me it is different—perhaps when I am away I shall be able to think
more calmly—"
"You are going away?" he asked, gently.
"Yes. It is better so."
He remained silent. I went on, quickly.
"I am going away because I feel inadequate and unable to cope with
my present surroundings. I have had some experience of the same
influences before—I know I have—"
"I also!" he interrupted.
"Well, you must realise this better than I," and I looked at him
now with greater courage—"and if you have, you know they have led to
trouble. I want you to help me."
"I? To help you?" he said. "How can I help you when you leave me?"
There was something infinitely sad in his voice,—and the old fear
came over me like a chill—'lest I should lose what I had gained!'
"If I leave you," I said, tremblingly—"I do so because I am not
worthy to be with you! Oh, can you not see this in me?" For as I
spoke he took my hand in his and held it with a kindly clasp—"I am
so self-willed, so proud, so unworthy! There are a thousand things I
would say to you, but I dare not—not here, or now!"
"No one will approach us," he said, still holding my hand—"I am
keeping the others, unconsciously to themselves, at a distance till
you have finished speaking. Tell me some of these thousand things!"
I looked up at him and saw the deep lustre of his eyes filled with
a great tenderness. He drew me a little closer to his side.
"Tell me," he persisted, softly—"Is there very much that we do
not, if we are true to each other, know already?"
"YOU know more than I do!" I answered—"And I want to be equal with
you! I do! I cannot be content to feel that I am groping in the dark
weakly and blindly while you are in the light, strong and self-
contained! You can help me—and you WILL help me! You will tell me
where I should go and study as you did with Aselzion!"
He started back, amazed.
"With Aselzion! Dear, forgive me! You are a woman! It is impossible
that you should suffer so great an ordeal,—so severe a strain! And
why should you attempt it? If you would let me, I would be sufficient
for you." "But I will not let you!" I said, quickly, roused to a kind
of defiant energy—"I wish to go to the very source of your
instruction, and then I shall see where I stand with regard to you! If
I stay here now—"
"It will be the same old story over again!" he said—"Love—and
mistrust! Then drifting apart in the same weary way! Is it not
possible to avoid the errors of the past?"
"No!" I said, resolutely—"For me it is not possible! I cannot
yield to my own inward promptings. They offer me too much happiness! I
doubt the joy,—I fear the glory!"
My voice trembled—the very clasp of his hand unnerved me.
"I will tell you," he said, after a brief pause, "what you feel.
You are perfectly conscious that between you and myself there is a tie
which no power, earthly or heavenly, can break,—but you are living
in a matter-of-fact world with matter-of-fact persons, and the
influence they exert is to make you incredulous of the very truths
which are an essential part of your spiritual existence. I understand
all this. I understand also why you wish to go to the House of
Aselzion, and you shall go—"
I uttered an exclamation of relief and pleasure. His eyes grew dark
with earnest gravity as he looked at me.
"You are pleased at what you cannot realise," he said, slowly—"If
you go to the House of Aselzion—and I see you are determined—it
will be a matter of such vital import that it can only mean one of
two things,—your entire happiness or your entire misery. I cannot
contemplate with absolute calmness the risk you run,—and yet it is
better that you should follow the dictates of your own soul than be
as you are now—irresolute,—uncertain of yourself and ready to lose
all you have gained!"
'To lose all I have gained.' The old insidious terror! I met his
searching gaze imploringly.
"I must not lose anything!" I said, and my voice sank lower,—"I
cannot bear—to lose YOU!"
His hand closed on mine with a tighter grasp.
"Yet you doubt!" he said, softly.
"I must KNOW!" I said, resolutely.
He lifted his head with a proud gesture that was curiously familiar
to me.
"So the old spirit is not dead in you, my queen," he said, smiling.
"The old indomitable will!—the desire to probe to the very centre of
things! Yet love defies analysis,—and is the only thing that binds
the Universe together. A fact beyond all proving—a truth which cannot
be expounded by any given rule or line but which is the most emphatic
force of life! My queen, it is a force that must either bend or break
you!"
I made no reply. He still held my hand, and we looked out together
on the shining expanse of the sea where there was no vessel visible
and where our schooner alone flew over the watery, moonlit surface
like a winged flame.
"In your working life," he continued, gently, "you have done much.
You have thought clearly, and you have not been frightened away from
any eternal fact by the difficulties of research. But in your living
life you have missed more than you will care to know. You have been
content to remain a passive recipient of influences—you have not
thoroughly learned how to combine and use them. You have overcome
altogether what are generally the chief obstacles in the way of a
woman's higher progress,—her inherent childishness—her delight in
imagining herself wronged or neglected,—her absurd way of attaching
weighty importance to the merest trifles—her want of balance, and
the foolish resentment she feels at being told any of her faults,—
this is all past in you, and you stand free of the shackles of sheer
stupidity which makes so many women impossible to deal with from a
man's standpoint, and which renders it almost necessary for men to
estimate them at a low intellectual standard. For even in the supreme
passion of love, millions of women are only capable of understanding
its merely physical side, while the union of soul with soul is never
consummated:
Where is that love supreme
In which souls meet? Where is it satisfied?
En-isled on heaving sands
Of lone desire, spirit to spirit cries,
While float across the skies
Bright phantoms of fair lands,
Where fancies fade not and where dreams abide."
His voice dropped to the softest musical cadence, and I looked up.
He answered my look.
"Dear one!" he said, "You shall go to the House of Aselzion, and
with you will be the future!"
He let go my hand very gently—I felt a sudden sense of utter
loneliness.
"You do not—you will not misjudge me?" I said.
"I! Dear, I have made so many errors of judgment in the past and I
have lost you so many times, that I shall do nothing now which might
lose you again!"
He smiled, and for one moment I was impelled to throw hesitation to
the winds and say all that I knew in my inmost self ought to be
said,—but my rebellious will held me back, and I remained silent,—
while he turned away and rejoined the rest of the party, with whom he
was soon chatting in such a cheery, easy fashion that they appeared to
forget that there was anything remarkable about him or about his
wonderful vessel, which had now turned on her course and was carrying
us back to Loch Scavaig at a speed which matched the fleetest wind.
When she arrived at her former anchorage just opposite the 'Diana,' we
saw that all the crew of Mr. Harland's yacht were on deck watching our
movements, which must have been well worth watching considering what
an amazing spectacle the 'Dream' made of herself and her glittering
sails against the dark loch and mountains,—so brilliant indeed as
almost to eclipse the very moon. But the light began to pale as soon
as we dropped anchor, and very soon faded out completely, whereupon
the sailors hauled down canvas, uttering musical cries as they pulled
and braced it together. This work done, they retired, and a couple of
servants waited upon our party, bringing wine and fruit as a parting
refreshment before we said good-night,—and once again the sweet voice
of the Egyptian boy singer smote upon our ears, with a prelude of
harp-strings:
Good-night,—farewell! If it should chance that nevermore we meet,
Remember that the hours we spent together here were sweet!
Good-night,—farewell! If henceforth different ways of life we
wend, Remember that I sought to walk beside you to the end!
Good-night,—farewell! When present things are merged into the
past, Remember that I love you and shall love you to the last!
My heart beat with a quick and sudden agony of pain—was it, could
it be true that I was of my own accord going to sever myself from one
whom I knew,—whom I felt—to be all in all to me?
"Good-night!" said a low voice close to my ear.
I started. I had lost myself in a wilderness of thought and memory.
Santoris stood beside me.
"Your friends are going," he said,—"and I too shall be gone to-
morrow!"
A wave of desolation overcame me.
"Ah, no!" I exclaimed—"Surely you will not go—"
"I must," he answered, quietly,—"Are not YOU going? It has been a
joy to meet you, if only for a little while—a pause in the
journey,—an attempt at an understanding!—though you have decided
that we must part again."
I clasped my hands together in a kind of desperation.
"What can I do?" I murmured—"If I yielded now to my own
impulses—"
"Ah! If you did"—he said, wistfully—"But you will not; and
perhaps, after all, it is better so. It is no doubt intended that you
should be absolutely certain of yourself this time. And I will not
stand in the way. Good-night,—and farewell!"
I looked at him with a smile, though the tears were in my eyes.
"I will not say farewell!" I answered.
He raised my hands lightly to his lips.
"That is kind of you!" he said—"and to-morrow you shall hear from
me about Aselzion and the best way for you to see him. He is spending
the summer in Europe, which is fortunate for you, as you will not have
to make so far a journey."
We broke off our conversation here as the others joined us,—and in
a very little while we had left the 'Dream' and were returning to our
own yacht. To the last, as the motor launch rushed with us through the
water, I kept my eyes fixed on the reposeful figure of Santoris, who
with folded arms on the deck rail of his vessel, watched our
departure. Should I never see him again, I wondered? What was the
strange impulse that had more or less moved my spirit to a kind of
opposition against his, and made me so determined to seek out for
myself the things that he assumed to have mastered? I could not tell.
I only knew that from the moment he had begun to relate the personal
narrative of his own studies and experiences, I had resolved to go
through the same training whatever it was, and learn what he had
learned, if such a thing were possible. I did not think I should
succeed so well,—but some new knowledge I felt I should surely gain.
The extraordinary attraction he exercised over me was growing too
strong to resist, yet I was determined not to yield to it because I
doubted both its cause and its effect. Love, I knew, could not, as he
had said, be analysed—but the love I had always dreamed of was not
the love with which the majority of mankind are content—the mere
physical delight which ends in satiety. It was something not only for
time, but for eternity. Away from Santoris I found it quite easy to
give myself up to the dream of joy which shone before me like the
mirage of a promised land,— but in his company I felt as though
something held me back and warned me to beware of too quickly
snatching at a purely personal happiness.
We reached the 'Diana' in a very few minutes—we had made the
little journey almost in silence, for my companions were, or appeared
to be, as much lost in thought as I was. As we descended to our cabins
Mr. Harland drew me back and detained me alone for a moment.
"Santoris is going away to-morrow," he said—"He will probably have
set those wonderful sails of his and flown before daybreak. I'm
sorry!"
"So am I," I answered—"But, after all—you would hardly want him
to stay, would you? His theories of life are very curious and
upsetting, and you all think him a sort of charlatan playing with the
mysteries of earth and heaven! If he is able to read thoughts, he
cannot be altogether flattered at the opinion held of him by Dr.
Brayle, for example!"
Mr. Harland's brows knitted perplexedly.
"He says he could cure me of my illness," he went on,—"and Brayle
declares that a cure is impossible."
"You prefer to believe Brayle, of course?" I queried.
"Brayle is a physician of note," he replied,—"A man who has taken
his degree in medicine and knows what he is talking about. Santoris
is merely a mystic."
I smiled a little sadly.
"I see!" And I held out my hand to say good-night. "He is a century
before his time, and maybe it is better to die than forestall a
century."
Mr. Harland laughed as he pressed my hand cordially.
"Enigmatical, as usual!" he said—"You and Santoris ought to be
congenial spirits!"
"Perhaps we are!" I answered, carelessly, as I left him;—"Stranger
things than that have happened!"
To those who are ignorant of, or indifferent to, the psychic forces
working behind all humanity and creating the causes which evolve into
effect, it cannot but seem strange,—even eccentric and
abnormal,—that any one person, or any two persons for that matter,
should take the trouble to try and ascertain the immediate intention
and ultimate object of their lives. The daily routine of ordinary
working, feeding and sleeping existence, varied by little social
conventions and obligations which form a kind of break to the
persistent monotony of the regular treadmill round, should be, they
think, sufficient for any sane, well-balanced, self-respecting
creature,—and if a man or woman elects to stand out of the common
ruck and say: "I refuse to live in a chaos of uncertainties—I will
endeavour to know why my particular atom of self is considered a
necessary, if infinitesimal, part of the Universe,"—such an one is
looked upon with either distrust or derision. In matters of love
especially, where the most ill-assorted halves persist in fitting
themselves together as if they could ever make a perfect whole, a
woman is considered foolish if she gives her affections where it is
'not expedient'—and a man is looked upon as having 'ruined his
career' if he allows a great passion to dominate him, instead of a
calm, well-weighed, respectable sort of sentiment which has its
fitting end in an equally calm, well-weighed, respectable marriage.
These are the laws and observances of social order, excellent in many
respects, but frequently responsible for a great bulk of the misery
attendant upon many forms of human relationship. It is not, however,
possible to the ordinary mind to realise that somewhere and somehow,
every two component parts of a whole MUST come together, sooner or
later, and that herein may be found the key to most of the great love
tragedies of the world. The wrong halves mated,—the right halves
finding each other out and rushing together recklessly and
inopportunely because of the resistless Law which draws them
together,—this is the explanation of many a life's disaster and
despair, as well as of many a life's splendid attainment and victory.
And the trouble or the triumph, whichever it be, will never be
lessened till human beings learn that in love, which is the greatest
and most divine Force on earth or in heaven, the Soul, not the body,
must first be considered, and that no one can fulfil the higher
possibilities of his or her nature, till each individual unit is
conjoined with that only other portion of itself which is as one with
it in thought and in the intuitive comprehension of its higher needs.
I knew all this well enough, and had known it for years, and it was
hardly necessary for me to dwell upon it, as I sat alone in my cabin
that night, too restless to sleep, and, almost too uneasy even to
think. What had happened to me was simply that I had by a curious
chance or series of chances been brought into connection again with
the individual Soul of a man whom I had known and loved ages ago. To
the psychist, such a circumstance does not seem as strange as it is
to the great majority of people who realise no greater force than
Matter, and who have no comprehension of Spirit, and no wish to
comprehend it, though even the dullest of these often find themselves
brought into contact with persons whom they feel they have met and
known before, and are unable to understand why they receive such an
impression. In my case I had not only to consider the one particular
identity which seemed so closely connected with my own—but also the
other individuals with whom I had become more or less reluctantly
associated,—Catherine Harland and Dr. Brayle especially. Mr. Harland
had, unconsciously to himself, been merely the link to bring the
broken bits of a chain together—his secretary, Mr. Swinton, occupied
the place of the always necessary nonentity in a group of
intellectually or psychically connected beings,—and I was perfectly
sure, without having any actual reason for my conviction, that if I
remained much longer in Catherine Harland's company, her chance liking
for me would turn into the old hatred with which she had hated me in a
bygone time,—a hatred fostered by Dr. Brayle, who, plainly scheming
to marry her and secure her fortune, considered me in the way (as I
was) of the influence he desired to exercise over her and her father.
Therefore it seemed necessary I should remove myself,—moreover, I was
resolved that all the years I had spent in trying to find the way to
some of Nature's secrets should not be wasted—I would learn, I too,
what Rafel Santoris had learned in the House of Aselzion—and then we
might perhaps stand on equal ground, sure of ourselves and of each
other! So ran my thoughts in the solitude and stillness of the
night—a solitude and stillness so profound that the gentle push of
the water against the sides of the yacht, almost noiseless as it was,
sounded rough and intrusive. My port-hole was open, and I could see
the sinking moon showing through it like a white face in sorrow. Just
then I heard a low splash as of oars. I started up and went to the
sofa, where, by kneeling on the cushions. I could look through the
porthole. There, gliding just beneath me, was a small boat, and my
heart gave a sudden leap of joy as I recognised the man who rowed it
as Santoris. He smiled as I looked down,—then, standing up in the
boat, guided himself alongside, till his head was nearly on a level
with the port-hole. He put one hand on its edge.
"Not asleep yet!" he said, softly—"What have you been thinking of?
The moon and the sea?—or any other mystery as deep and
incomprehensible?"
I stretched out my hand and laid it on his with an involuntary
caressing touch.
"I could not leave you without another last word,"—he said—"And I
have brought you a letter"—he gave me a sealed envelope as he
spoke—"which will tell you how to find Aselzion. I myself will write
to him also and prepare him for your arrival. When you do see him you
will understand how difficult is the task you wish to undertake,—and,
if you should fail, the failure will be a greater sadness to yourself
than to me—for I could make things easier for you—"
"I do not want things made easy for me,"—I answered quickly—"I
want to do all that you have done—I want to prove myself worthy at
least—"
I broke off,—and looked down into his eyes. He smiled.
"Well!" he said—"Are you beginning to remember the happiness we
have so often thrown away for a trifle?"
I was silent, though I folded my hand closer over his. The soft
white sleepy radiance of the moon on the scarcely moving water around
us made everything look dream-like and unreal, and I was hardly
conscious of my own existence for the moment, so completely did it
seem absorbed by some other influence stronger than any power I had
ever known.
"Here are we two,"—he continued, softly—"alone with the night and
each other, close to the verge of a perfect understanding—and yet—
determined NOT to understand! How often that happens! Every moment,
every hour, all over the world, there are souls like ours, barred
severally within their own shut gardens, refusing to open the doors!
They talk over the walls, through the chinks and crannies, and peep
through the keyholes—but they will not open the doors. How fortunate
am I to-night to find even a port-hole open!"
He turned up his face, full of light and laughter, to mine, and I
thought then, how easy it would be to fling away all my doubts and
scruples, give up the idea of making any more search for what perhaps
I should never find, and take the joy which seemed proffered and the
love which my heart knew was its own to claim! Yet something still
pulled me back, and not only pulled me back, but on and away—
something which inwardly told me I had much to learn before I dared
accept a happiness I had not deserved. Nevertheless some of my
thoughts found sudden speech.
"Rafel—" I began, and then paused, amazed at my own boldness in
thus addressing him. He drew closer to me, the boat he stood in
swaying under him.
"Go on!" he said, with a little tremor in his voice—"My name never
sounded so sweetly in my own ears! What is it you would have me do?"
"Nothing!" I answered, half afraid of myself as I spoke—"Nothing—
but this. Just to think that I am not merely wilful or rebellious in
parting from you for a little while—for if it is true—"
"If what is true?" he interposed, gently.
"If it is true that we are friends not for a time but for
eternity"- -I said, in steadier tones—"then it can only be for a
little while that we shall be separated. And then afterwards I shall
be quite sure—"
"Yes—quite sure of what you are sure of now!" he said—"As sure as
any immortal creature can be of an immortal truth! Do you know how
long we have been separated already?"
I shook my head, smiling a little.
"Well, I will not tell you!" he answered—"It might frighten you!
But by all the powers of earth and heaven, we shall not traverse such
distances apart again—not if I can prevent it!"
"And can you?" I asked, half wistfully.
"I can! And I will! For I am stronger than you—and the strongest
wins! Your eyes look startled—there are glimpses of the moon in
them, and they are soft eyes—not angry ones. I have seen them full
of anger,—an anger that stabbed me to the heart!—but that was in
the days gone by, when I was weaker than you. This time the position
has changed—and I am master!"
"Not yet!" I said, resolutely, withdrawing my hand from his—"I
yield to nothing—not even to happiness—till I KNOW!"
A slight shadow darkened the attractiveness of his features.
"That is what the world says of God—'I will not yield till I
know!' But it is as plastic clay in His hands, all the time, and it
never knows!"
I was silent—and there was a pause in which no sound was heard but
the movement of the water under the little boat in which he stood.
Then—
"Good-night!" he said.
"Good-night!" I answered, and moved by a swift impulse, I stooped
and kissed the firm hand that rested so near me, gripping the edge of
the port-hole. He looked up with a sudden light in his eyes.
"Is that a sign of grace and consolation?" he asked,
smiling—"Well! I am content! And I have waited so long that I can
wait yet a little longer."
So speaking, he let go his hold from alongside the yacht, and in
another minute had seated himself in the boat and was rowing away
across the moonlit water. I watched him as every stroke of the oars
widened the distance between us, half hoping that he might look back,
wave his hand, or even return again—but no!—his boat soon vanished
like a small black speck on the sea, and I knew myself to be left
alone. Restraining with difficulty the tears that rose to my eyes, I
shut the port-hole and drew its little curtain across it— then I sat
down to read the letter he had left with me. It ran as follows:
Beloved,—
I call you by this name as I have always called you through many
cycles of time,—it should sound upon your ears as familiarly as a
note of music struck in response to another similar note in far
distance. You are not satisfied with the proofs given you by your own
inner consciousness, which testify to the unalterable fact that you
and I are, and must be, as one,—that we have played with fate against
each other, and sometimes striven to escape from each other, all in
vain;—it is not enough for you to know (as you do know) that the
moment our eyes met our spirits rushed together in a sudden ecstasy
which, had we dared to yield to it, would have outleaped convention
and made of us no more than two flames in one fire! If you are honest
with yourself as I am honest with myself, you will admit that this is
so,—that the emotion which overwhelmed us was reasonless, formless
and wholly beyond all analysis, yet more insistent than any other
force having claim on our lives. But it is not sufficient for you to
realise this,—or to trace through every step of the journey you have
made, the gradual leading of your soul to mine,—from that last night
you passed in your own home, when every fibre of your being grew warm
with the prescience of coming joy, to this present moment, even
through dreams of infinite benediction in which I shared—no!—it is
not sufficient for you!— you must 'know'—you must learn—you must
probe into deeper mysteries, and study and suffer to the last! Well,
if it must be so, it must,—and I shall rely on the eternal fitness of
things to save you from your own possible rashness and bring you back
to me,—for without you now I can do nothing more. I have done
much—and much remains to be done—but if I am to attain, you must
crown the attainment—if my ambition is to find completion, you alone
can be its completeness. If you have the strength and the courage to
face the ordeal through which Aselzion sends those who seek to follow
his teaching, you will indeed have justified your claim to be
considered higher than merest woman,—though you have risen above that
level already. The lives of women generally, and of men too, are so
small and sordid and self-centred, thanks to their obstinate refusal
to see anything better or wider than their own immediate outlook, that
it is hardly worth while considering them in the light of that deeper
knowledge which teaches of the REAL life behind the seeming one. In
the ordinary way of existence men and women meet and mate with very
little more intelligence or thought about it than the lower animals;
and the results of such meeting and mating are seen in the degenerate
and dying nations of to-day. Moreover, they are content to be born for
no other visible reason than to die—and no matter how often they may
be told there is no such thing as death, they receive the assertion
with as much indignant incredulity as the priesthood of Rome received
Galileo's assurance that the earth moves round the sun. But we—you
and I—who know that life, being ALL Life, CANNOT die,—ought to be
wiser in our present space of time than to doubt each other's infinite
capability for love and the perfect world of beauty which love
creates. I do not doubt—my doubting days are past, and the
whips of sorrow have lashed me into shape as well as into strength,
but YOU hesitate,—because you have been rendered weak by much
misunderstanding. However, it has partially comforted me to place the
position fully before you, and having done this I feel that you must
be free to go your own way. I do not say 'I love you!'—such a phrase
from me would be merest folly, knowing that you must be mine, whether
now or at the end of many more centuries. Your soul is deathless as
mine is—it is eternally young, as mine is,—and the force that gives
us life and love is divine and indestructible, so that for us there
can be no end to the happiness which is ours to claim when we will.
For the rest I leave you to decide—you will go to the House of
Aselzion and perhaps you will remain there some time,—at any rate
when you depart from thence you will have learned much, and you will
know what is best for yourself and for me.
My beloved, I commend you to God with all my adoring soul and am
Your lover, Rafel Santoris
A folded paper fell out of this letter,—it contained full
instructions as to the way I should go on the journey I intended to
make to the mysterious House of Aselzion—and I was glad to find that
I should not have to travel as far as I had at first imagined. I began
at once to make my plans for leaving the Harlands as soon as possible,
and before going to bed I wrote to my friend Francesca, who I knew
would certainly expect me to visit her in Inverness-shire as soon as
my cruise in the Harlands' yacht was over, and briefly stated that
business of an important nature called me abroad for two or three
weeks, but that I fully anticipated being at home in England again
before the end of October. As it was now just verging o